Just as I suspected...

I got my period. I guess if this is how fat I am on my bloated period days, I'm ok with that. Just kidding, that's a lie. I can feel a roll in my stomach as I'm sitting in my chair. Oh god, I have to stop touching it or I'm going to end up not eating anything tomorrow. Although I also wonder if I just got my period because I finally ate some spinach leaves yesterday. I swear, the past few times I've gotten my period, it was always the day after I ate spinach. Not good...

I really need to do some grocery shopping, seeing as how the only vegetables I eat are the single leaves of lettuce in my sandwiches. I also haven't eaten real fruit for the past 3 days. I keep wanting to go to Trader Joe's, but I don't have the time to take the bus there. I also think I might go on a shopping spree and I don't want to have to steal a shopping cart to tow all my groceries home.

So period explains the chocolate muffin I had today. And the tuna melt. I also had a Caterpillar roll at Sushi House around 10:00. It was ok, but not as good as Lion King, although nothing could ever beat a Lion King roll. I had one of Angelica's CA Deluxe, which is just CA roll with a piece of unagi on top, I think. I'll get that next time - it's far cheaper. Caterpillar roll has cucumbers in it, which I think overwhelms the eel. I love eel mmm.

I really enjoyed eating at Sushi House late at night. It felt oddly college-like.

I was at the gym today and this girl sits down on the bike in front of me and she's reading a Woman's Health Magazine. I always have these moments of ... one might call it "clarity." Sometimes I also call it clarity, sometimes I call it lapses of judgment. Basically I realize, hmm maybe I'm trying to attain a level of thinness that just can't be naturally achieved for someone with my body type. Considering all the TV I watch, and how I use a lot of shows as a basis for how I view life, it's extremely likely that my concept of beauty is skewed. So today, I glance at the cover of Woman's Health Magazine, which is this:
And when I first glanced at it, the first thing I thought was "hey, those are the kind of abs I want." Which then made me think, oh my god, if those are the kind of abs I want, and that's what's on the cover of a magazine, that probably means it's unrealistic. I'm not so naive to think that the cover shot, or any of the images in a magazine for that matter, has not had any photoshopping done to it. I know someone has sat at a computer and basically chipped away parts of her body and that the model probably has tons of sculpting cream on her body. Also, when I see health magazines, I usually assume the people on the cover are too extreme. I mean, just look at the Men's Health magazines.(Yes, I realize that's in Spanish. I was surprised to see most of the English Men's Health magazines had covers of clothed men.) Anyway, usually I look at those and think that even guys who work out never look like that. Also, if I saw a guy like that in real life, I wouldn't think he was super hot. Yes, every girl has different views of what is hot, but if I were to date a guy with that body, I'd be scared of being crushed to death with a hug. Also, a body that toned just screams "I'm conceited and stare lovingly into the mirror constantly." You can see it in his eyes.

So then I was just on the elliptical, wondering if I should force myself to accept that I will never get a stomach like that woman. But then I wonder, yes most guys don't have bodies like the one on Men's Health, but don't most women have bodies like that on Women's Health? Am I totally being insane? Maybe I have selective vision, but I think there are tons of girls who are that thin walking around. And NO not just at the gym. But also, I see tons of older women, probably with kids, who have better bodies than I do. I was doing the boat machine which is on the second level of the gym, and I was just looking at this woman who had an insanely toned and fit body. She was maybe 35-40. Looking at her, I wanted to have her body, which was twice as old as mine.

Finally, a story not having to do with these daily ramblings about diet and food. I had been carrying this giant box of club sweatshirts and after I dropped them off, I decided to go to the restroom to wipe the sweat off my body. I pass Li-Ting, saying "I need to use the restroom!" I rush into a bathroom with a wide open door. The following all takes place in about three seconds:

First thought: That's really odd how the door to the restroom would just be open like that
Second thought: Wow this bathroom is really large. I don't remember it being this large
Third thought: Ah, sinks, to my right
Fourth thought: I don't know why, but I'm looking to the left
Fifth thought: A guy peeing at a urinal? That doesn't usually happen in a girl's bathroom
Sixth thought: ... Oh my god, that's because I'm not IN a girl's bathroom
Seventh thought: TURN AROUND TURN AROUND
Eighth thought: ARGH! Why is that guy turning to look at me! Must take larger steps to avoid eye contact with him
Ninth thought: Ok I made it out
Tenth thought: ... And now ... these guys passing by me are giving me wtf looks. They must know that I just exited a men's restroom

HONESTLY, if the door had been CLOSED this would not have happened AT ALL.

So that was my day. I had a lot of grand plans to finish the majority of my work today. I think I managed to do 1/8 of it all.