Five things

I'm in a pretty list-y mood - I think it's a combination of boredom yet having nothing particularly interesting to write about. I was showering and I just kept coming up with idea after idea of "5 things" and I'm sure I've forgotten 65% of them by now. But I don't anticipate having anything earth shattering to blog about in the next few days, so I'll take a few days to write this and then I'll eventually post it.

I kind of would like to do "4 things" instead but I guess four is a bad number. I kind of want to cut down on the number of parenthetical comments I make, but then this would just be one giant, boring list. So here we go:


Songs I could listen to forever
1) Paul Oakenfold - Southern Sun

2) Bloc Party - This Modern Love
3) Tegan and Sara - I Know I Know I Know
4) The Stills - Gender Bombs
5) The Perishers - Sway


Ways I'd measure my success in the future
1) I can shop at Crate & Barrel
2) I've gone through a long-term relationship and some random short flings
3) TMV still has annual dinners together
4) I live comfortably and can pay for whatever my parents want
5) People look at me and think "wow for a lady her age, she's pretty fit"


My day mainly consists of
1) Putting in eye drops
2) Listening to my iPod anytime I'm not next to my computer playing iTunes
3) Checking how fat I am in the mirror
4) Thinking about how I can turn some event into a bloggable post
5) Making lists on scraps of paper


Things I hate about myself
1) My strange laugh
2) Lack of common sense
3) Inability to hold conversations with strangers
4) Crappy wardrobe
5) Over bluntness


Physical things I hate about myself (because this needed its own category)
1) My stomach
2) My round face
3) Boring hair
4) Weird bumpy skin on my arms
5) The sides of my stomach (since my stomach is so large it requires two mentions)


Regrets in the 19 years of my life
1) This sublet
2) Not lying better to my mom about my apartment
3) B- in macroeconomics
4) Eating so much as a middle schooler and becoming fat
5) All the times I could have made friends but was too shy


Things I like about myself
1) Very good sleeping habits
2) Became dependent on exercise
3) Except for the section above, I really have had no regrets. And even those regrets are not that big
4) Worked hard in high school and college kind of came easily
5) Self-motivated


Shows everyone should watch
1) How I Met Your Mother season 2
2) Veronica Mars season 1
3) Friday Night Lights season 1
4) Popular season 1
5) How I Met Your Mother season 1, just so you can really appreciate season 2


Foods I could eat forever
1) Green seedless grapes
2) Plain scrambled eggs with ketchup
3) Salmon
4) Coffee ice cream
5) Peanut M&Ms (at least until my mouth begins to break out in canker sores)


Favorite scenes from tv shows
1) Raindance from the season finale of How I Met Your Mother Season 1
2) When Logan waits in the hotel but it turns out to be Alyson Hannigan, not his mother, in Veronica Mars. And then he cries
3) Fight scene from the season finale of Alias Season 2 (it took me forever to remember Francie's name when I searched for this - I kept thinking "it's NOT Fergie ... it's NOT Fergie ..."


4) Jess chasing Rory in some episode of Gilmore Girls


5) All the chicken dance parts of Arrested Development. There used to be a really good compilation but it got taken off :(



Easiest ways to make me want to punch you
1) Be clingy
2) Ask stupid questions
3) Be conceited
4) Walk really slowly in front of me
5) Make me repeat myself


Traits of my "type"
1) Athletic
2) Awkward yet comfortable in their own skin - it's hard to explain, I think basically it's just not being overly confident
3) White
4) Not in business
5) Older


Things I wish I owned
1) A steam iron
2) DVDs of all the shows I've ever watched growing up
3) A better computer that doesn't lag when I watch streaming videos
4) A really awesome wardrobe (boots, business wear, blazers, jeans, sunglasses)
5) Free access to all the music in the world that I could spend the rest of my life going through


Reasons I love my house in Arcadia
1) My parents do everything and more for me
2) The backyard is a peaceful place to sit in, although I never do
3) My dad sweeps the floor every day and mops every week
4) Walking distance to the track and the library
5) I don't feel like the walls are infested with mold, as I do in Berkeley


Reasons I love Berkeley
1) College Ave.
2) Even though it gets incredibly hot, it only lasts about three days
3) Free bus pass
4) Pedestrian friendly
5) SF Financial district


Best things ever bought
1) My TMV ring (the lost one)
2) The camera TMV bought me
3) The solar powered monkey Alvin bought me for getting into Haas
4) Roll of paper towels I bought at Trader Joe's upon arrival at my sublet (used for SO many things)
5) The iPod my cousin gave me


Favorite youtube videos
1) Clearly.


2) One of the tasks of the 2nd Annual TMV Dinner


3) Maybe I should just retitle this "favorite videos of TMV"


4) Watching this video made me listen to this song like 50x


5) I can't even begin to explain this. HAHA Basically they recap episodes of ANTM and other shows, and this is a collection of some parts and their show is HILARIOUS but I doubt anyone would really appreciate this because it's taken so out of context



Things I truly believe in
1) The first and second seasons of a show are the best, after that, they're terrible (exception: Buffy, but only because the first season was not that great)
2) I'll have my mid-life crisis in my twenties
3) When I lie flat on the ground for extended periods of time, it makes my stomach flatter
4) I'll never have closer friends than TMV
5) All H&M clothes are perfectly sized for me


Small events that probably changed my life
1) Dancing with TMV on the lawn of Arcadia Public Library
2) Taking the bus home with Angelica and some other RCSAers
3) The day in Pow Wow when we were talking about what colleges we got into and Greg goes "are you and Chrystal rooming together?" and we look at each other and go "hm. Never thought of that..."
4) Seeing Li-Ting at my first career fair
5) Going to SF last weekend


Biggest influences in my life
1) Johnston, who turned me into a giant pervert
2) Chrystal, who showed me how critical (ie. bitchy) some people are (OK that was phrased poorly, I wouldn't call her a bitch. I would just say she's taught me that people judge)
3) My mom, I can't even really say why but I'm sure it's one
4) Henry, who unleashed the inner Meltang of bluntness
5) Jackie and Vanessa, because they were my first best friends


Hottest people EVER
1) Sarah Shahi (she's freaking gorgeous but there are NO good pictures of her, at least, of her clothed)


2) Kristen Bell


3) Kyle Chandler

HELLO?! WHERE are Friday Night Light clips on Youtube?! If you have a show that is critically acclaimed but lacking in viewership, you freaking don't go around taking videos off of youtube. It's FREE ADVERTISING. IDIOTS.
4) Bridget McManus

She's gained and lost 60 pounds FIVE times. I want to know how she does it.
5) My mom.


I'll keep calling myself fat until:
1) I can sit down without having a giant bulge of stomach fat
2) I don't think "OMFG I'M A WHALE" when I have period bloating
3) I go to bed still satisfied with my body, even after eating regular meals
4) I can press my face down and give myself double chins, but not recoil in horror
5) I would feel thin enough to prance around in a bikini


Places I love
1) Danny's minivan
2) Souplantation
3) Danny's house
4) Haas (although it's still early and I may soon hate the building)

5) Bay Bridge


Things that scare the shit out of me
1) Losing my sight
2) Being attacked in the shower
3) Tripping and falling down the stairs
4) Being alone in the future with no friends
5) Someone accidentally slicing my skin with their fingernails/toenails


Favorite clothes
1) Really short A&F shorts I wear to sleep
2) $50 A&F jeans I bought from Ontario Mills
3) Three pairs of underwear I bought off the streets of Taiwan for $2 which never make me look fat
4) $25 Let's Go to the Mall t-shirt
5) White fleece jacket from Old Navy, although it's usually not cold enough to wear


Things that make me smile
1) Old couples holding hands
2) When people who look kind of scary give up their bus seats for the elderly
3)

4)

5)
A9SecondSleeper: when are you going to get yourself a boyfriend
A9SecondSleeper: there are a bunch of them
A9SecondSleeper: lying around
A9SecondSleeper: broken hearted
aznwalmartgurl8: AHAHAH
aznwalmartgurl8: HELLO i DO want to go out wiht someone
aznwalmartgurl8: but i do not meet people :-(:-(
A9SecondSleeper: OH
A9SecondSleeper: what if i set you up with guys?
A9SecondSleeper: hmm i'd have to find some
A9SecondSleeper: that i'd be okay with you dating
A9SecondSleeper: or else it'd be WEIRD
A9SecondSleeper: mmm and its best if you don't date my friends
A9SecondSleeper: because if they break your heart
A9SecondSleeper: i'd have to kill them
A9SecondSleeper: and i'd lose a friend, obviously

Am I crazy

or is this video really good?



I think whoever made this matched up the scenes with the music really well. It also made me remember that Britney was once sexy.

I really like that song. I'm getting kind of bored of my iTunes because it's ALL MELLOW. And I've always been a happy person, but this past week I've been REALLY happy and when I walk around with my iPod playing The Perishers and Third Eye Blind, it kind of ruins the mood. I want louder songs like this. Or like the songs in Wanted. AGH. I wish I could find out what songs were in the movie but not enough people have watched it yet to post the songs on forums. :(

I'm bored and kind of want to eat but I hate eating out alone. So instead I'll just sit in my room.

Wanted

Ok, so I'm working on a long ass post that I will put up eventually. The beginning of the post goes somewhat like "I want to make a list blah blah blah I don't think anything interesting will happen so I'll just not blog for a few days" BUT FALSE. INTERESTING has struck my life.

I got a ticket to watch the premiere of Wanted today at 7:30. The movie comes out tomorrow so today is like the day when movie reviewers watch it and put up their review in the papers. Which makes me think DAMN their life sucks because at the end of the movie I was like "ok time to crawl into bed!" whereas they have to sit down and write.

So I invited Jon because I have no one else that is in Berkeley that I could imagine sitting around with for several hours. We took the F line (LOVE F LINE). The novelty of the Bay Bridge has not worn out. We got there at freaking 3:00 and walked around for 30 minutes and then went to the theater. We look at the line ... and there's no one standing there. So we go shopping but I keep thinking WHAT IF A MASS OF PEOPLE COME. Well, they didn't. They came at like 5:00, but waiting in line was worth it because we were seriously like #5 in line (if you don't count the 20 people who later joined those 5 people).

Ok this is turning into a xanga entry. Let's cut it down. Movie: AWESOME. I rarely watch movies in theaters now - if I remember it goes 27 Dresses and Enchanted in the past year. There's some cheese mixed in but about thirty seconds later you're like "ok who cares this is freaking awesome." The music is pretty good, and I haven't heard a decent movie soundtrack in ages. The whole time I thought the guy was Transformers guy and I was like "JON I BET YOU IT'S TRANSFORMERS GUY." When we left, he was like "THAT WAS NOT TRANSFORMERS GUY" but didn't know who it was. (It was James McAvoy)

And I saw my favorite person ever but it was like a three second shot of her as an extra. AND I also saw these two people at the theater who are on this website I read and they sat RIGHT in front of me. It took me like 4 minutes to make myself say hello, mainly because I knew if I didn't, I'd just be antsy the entire movie. About 30 seconds after I say hello and awkwardly let them return to their conversation, Jon accidentally throws his glasses into their popcorn. -_- HAHAHA I was mortified/amused.

There were two annoying guys that we sat next to. Jon took one look at them and totally stereotyped them, saying "do you want to change seats? They seem kind of annoying" and I was like "no ... maybe they won't talk in the movie." BUT NO. THEY. WERE. FUCKING. ANNOYING. They were about 10 years older than me, so I didn't really want to say "shut the fuck up." They laughed some of the corny parts, and I understand why they laughed but also, NO ONE NEEDS to know that you think you're above the movie. SHUT THE FUCK UP. End rant.

I love SF! And exiting the SF Westfield after the movie felt so similar to exiting the Arcadia Westfield, because the mall was completely empty and there is just that Westfieldness about it. Except, instead of being a five minute drive from home, it's a 15 minutes walk to the bus terminal then a 1 hr sit on the bus. BUT view of SF at night from Bay Bridge = WORTH IT.

Also, while walking back to the transbay terminal to take the bus home, there were TONS of people just leaving their work in business wear and stuff. IS THAT GOING TO BE ME? They all look pretty happy. I kind of want that to be me, since I figure I'm going to die alone and all I'll have is my career. :D

OK AGH I have work tomorrow. THEN WEEKEND. Then work. THEN JULY 4TH WEEKEND IN SOCAL!

It's 8am and I've already failed four ways

Fail 1) I woke up at 5:40 but forced myself to go back to sleep which was fairly uncomfortable and led to an hour of annoyed sleep

Fail 2) I got up and saw that it was 7am and got really excited because I was like "YES I CAN GYM NOW!" I did not. Mainly because I really do not want to wear my gym sneakers since they have dried river water in them and I have the illogical belief that if I stick my foot in it, I'll catch some sort of foot disease

Fail 3) Instead of going to the gym, I decided I would just do an ab workout in my room. Instead, I just watched a bunch of streaming videos for an hour

Fail 4) I found out that the dining hall is open for breakfast and I LOVE breakfast. So I was going to eat a hearty breakfast. Instead, I decided to watch MORE streaming videos and then write this blog.

This is the problem of waking up early. You have a lot more time to ruin your day.

Reactions to my job

I notice that when I tell people what I want to be when I grow up, there's two different reactions. And I've come to anticipate these reactions, so the way I say "I want to be an auditor" changes too.

Situation 1: Asian grown-ups

Them: What are you studying?
Me (very confidently): I'm in business and I plan to become an auditor
Them: OOO Excellent! That is a good career
Me (false modesty): Oh really? Yeah, I guess

Situation 2: Just about everyone else (people my age, grown-ups who have more "interesting" jobs, etc.)

Them: What are you studying?
Me (very confidently): I'm studying business
Them: Oh... what do you want to be when you graduate?
Me (not so confidently): Uh... well I think I want to be ... maybe an auditor?
Them: *makes weird face* An auditor?
Me: Yeah ... I don't know ... It doesn't seem that bad

I totally get their reaction. But at the same time, it's not like I said "I want to grow and up and become a clown and terrorize children." Auditing is a legitimate career! :(

I am very tired but I have to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow just to go to work and then come back at 8:30. Fucking 3 hour (round-trip) commute. It's so true when they say taking a "better" job is only worth it if the commute is within thirty minutes. If it's past thirty minutes, you just spend those extra minutes hating on your job. I figure the cost of the commute is made up by the lunch they pay for. But I think I hate going to Redwood Shores more because I don't have enough hot business clothes to wear. I own one pair of dress pants that make my legs look fantastic but also give me a huge muffintop. And after looking at pictures of me in my H&M dress shirts, I've realized they all look like the buttons will pop off because my boobs cannot be constrained.

Things I learned today:
1) Apparently I can get through a day with only half a box of strawberries, an apple, and a handful of cereal
2) When you meet someone you ADORE you should not only take a picture with them - have them make a video saying something like "I LOVE (insert name here)"
3) Taking the F line to SF is FREE, FAST, CONVENIENT, AND you see the most amazing view of the bay bridge. I fully relove the Bay Area. Those first two weeks of summer shall be forgotten
4) In the Bay Area, it may be fucking hot one day, but the next day might be FUCKING COLD

Also, my facebook FINALLY LOADS. Piece of shit. I couldn't access my facebook for about three days. I don't know if it was the internet or my computer, but in either case, I wanted to destroy something.

My new perspective

Good: I have a room to myself and I can do whatever I want whenever I want
Bad: My roommate is coming in July
Not so bad: I would like to become friends with my roommate and be able to say I have a lovely French friend

Good: My apartment is really conveniently located to the gym, work, school, and transportation
Bad: It's so hot that I basically sit in my room all day
Not so bad: I was smart enough to bring my fan, otherwise I would have died already

Good: The sublet has two washers and a dryer
Bad: Both washers are broken
Not so bad: I walked to my friend's apartment to do my laundry there and it was a pretty good workout

Good: There is running water here that I can drink out of the faucet and not feel sick
Bad: I had to steal toilet paper from my work and take it whenever I use the bathroom here, since toilet paper is not ALWAYS in the stalls
Not so bad: I no longer feel like I must shower at the gym, because I realized that the shower here is not terrible

Good: I eat a lot less
Bad: Except when I go to the dining commons for lunch
Not so bad: The heat makes me less hungry, so hopefully I will lose weight

Good: I've realized that I can probably keep myself busy for every weekend of this summer, and the weekdays are already so packed
Bad: It makes me think I was stupid to complain about my summer in the first place
Not so bad: At least I'm happier now

Good: The people here are very nice and always say Hi when I pass
Bad: That is the extent of our conversations
Not so bad: I don't think I'm being anti-social, I just don't really have the time to go knocking on people's doors

Good: There is internet here
Bad: It sucks
Not so bad: Maybe I'll learn to do something that doesn't require the internet

Good: This sublet is located in a busier part of Berkeley, so I still feel fairly safe walking around
Bad: It gets pretty loud here sometimes. I woke up yesterday at 4am because it was effing hot, and people were STILL partying
Not so bad: Usually I'm so tired I just pass out. And someone in the house across from my room plays some pretty good music. It's happy rock, which I'm very unused to. But happy rock is hard to figure out the lyrics, so I haven't been able to identify any songs yet

Ok so today - I didn't eat very much, but I also didn't move very much. Usually I force myself to go to the gym because I know I'll feel happier afterwards. But sitting in my room, I was like "no. I WON'T be happier after I gym because the gym is fucking hot and I'll just be sweaty and pissy. I'll be much happier sitting in front of this fan" which I still wholeheartedly believe. But I had this grand plan of becoming super fit this summer, and becoming super fit does not come from sitting on my ass all day. Even if I am sweating.

So after tomorrow, CRAZY WORKOUT. Just kidding. I doubt that will happen, because I'm realistic. Maybe I will try waking up really early and going to the gym before work, like I did last year. But I don't even know what my future roommate's sleeping habits are like, so I don't want to start doing it, just to find out she loves to wake up at noon or something.

I hung out with my friend whose apartment I am moving into. She graduated from grad school this year and is moving to Boston to be with her boyfriend of several years. How bizarre to know I have friends who are that mature. I have a few friends who are already planning to get married. CRAZY. I can tell that I very easily make friends with older people. I like to make older friends, so I think I try harder. The exception is ... all of my floormates. But how depressing that as I get older, that pool of potential friends grows smaller.

I always mention this, but I want to make friends in my sublet! Only because I feel like I would regret it if I don't, but whenever I think to myself "I should go out and make friends," I look at the time and think "well I'd like to sleep in an hour..." Presently, I feel completely fine with not making friends in this sublet, because there are several Berkeley friends I could hang out with as well. So does it make sense to do something simply as a preventative measure? Like, I'm only going to do this because I THINK in the future, I will be sad if I hadn't done it. That seems kind of like ... trying to handle too many things at once. Trying to make my future self happy when my present self is already very happy. But I guess that could also be said about eating yourself into obesity. You can be happy eating that donut now, but the future self will regret it, so you don't do it. That was a pretty bad analogy.

It's late. And by late, I mean early in schooltime. I'm SUPER EXCITED about moving into my apartment next year. It will be a bitch trying to make it cute, since I have no designer eye. But it should be fun. I feel like I'm going to become a super bitch though. I'm living with two boys who don't really know each other, so it's like I automatically have control over what goes into our apartment. I was the one who found the apartment and so far, I've taken care of everything, so again, I have complete control. Also, I'm a girl, so by default, they do what I say. The good thing for them is, I'm probably going to be a clean freak, but I like doing things myself, so they don't have to deal with mopping the ground or anything.

I'm so tired! Earlier today I completely knocked out and only woke up because I heard something. I totally did not realize it had been my cell phone, until I thought about it a minute later. Time to shower and wash this layer of filth off my body

New levels of tiredness

Song of the week.

So, a full-time 40 hour work week is pretty tiring. But, even more tiring? Is going to work, skipping lunch, working for 8 hours straight, getting off work, going home to pack a backpack of clothes, then taking the bart to SF to hang out with friends until 2am. THEN, waking up at 8am the next morning, going back to the bart, getting back to Berkeley, and then REPEAT. Times 4.

Yet, AWESOME.

I definitely cannot keep up this life, but for a week with TMV, I am more than happy to. This summer is turning out to be very fun :) After they go home (which I wish would be later even though they'll be up for an entire WEEK) I'm going to try and make friends in my sublet. Then it'll be July 4th, more time with TMV, and then it'll be summer school! And before I know it, real school will begin. This is by far my most packed summer ever, and I love having things to do. Even though half the time I'm sad about my ever looming future of ... having an adult life.

I really need to work out though. We were at the lake and only Eric, Alvin and I went in. I found out later that Connie/Jackie had taken pictures on my camera and I'm so HIDEOUS. I'm very unproportional, and pictures don't lie! Whenever I work out, I only work out my legs and arms even though the only thing I complain about is my stomach. Lame. So, I need to add intense stomach workouts and just focus on that for a summer.

OK happy thoughts!

Highlights of the week: well actually I can't even remember everything.
- Rafting, for sure. Rafting just made me really want to do naturey things more. It seems like it would be awesome to go kayaking on your own. And we "surfed" on our raft, which just made me want to actually surf even MORE. My left side was also spectacularly sore the next day, which made me feel fit. LOVE RAFTING. I was really sad I couldn't take pictures though. But for sure my camera would have died if I had taken it
- Taking every chance to just jump in the river and swim. AWESOME. Also awesome but fairly terrifying was swimming DOWN a rapid. Eric, Alvin and I did it, and all of us thought we were about to die. Our guide was like "you guys can jump in the water if you want" and I immediately went for it. I totally understand how people drown now. I kept forgetting not to breathe and water just kept going into my mouth. BUT STILL. FREAKING fantastic
- Waking up in the middle night and realizing that EVERYONE was awake because Eric snores like a garbage truck
- Crazy delicious food made by Eric's mom
- Showing Connie Y everyone's blogs, which she has no idea about. She read Frances' quote "two of my apartments go to the mall every two weeks" and went "NO I DON'T!" and then proceeded to shop online
- Swimming in Lake Tahoe. Lesson learned, ALWAYS get in the water. Even if you think it's cold. Your body gets used to it and it's just SO FUN.
- "I eat chocolate" "COCKOLATE? WHAT ARE YOU EATING?"
- Sitting passenger seat in Jackie's giant sequoia, which is luxurious when being in a group of people who want to sleep, but TERRIBLE in the small windy streets of SF
- Being DJ on the drive down from Lake Tahoe, which kept me up and talking to Eric the driver
- Feeling like I'm with "family" when going on these road trips. Everything from people arguing about what direction to take, to people getting each other food, to random ass conversations

I don't know why I spent these two hours going online when I should have been napping. But I rarely go on the computer anymore, and geez there is so much to catch up on.

Me, in Lake Tahoe

It's 11:15 am and everyone just woke up. I woke up at 8:30 but stayed in bed until 9:00. Then I got up and decided to go for a walk. At the thirty minute point, I started wondering if I should head back but I remembered what happened LAST TIME when I swam and freaked out about being a bad host and when I came back, everyone was asleep so I just read my camera manual for an hour. So I kept walking, and got back to the house at 10:30. I went in ... and everyone was asleep. FIGURES.

We ate at Eric's Mom's restaurant which was delicious as always. We came back and watched FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS! I hope I hook them all, although the DVD is from Frances L to Connie Y, so I guess technically it's Frances L hooked them. Something weird happened last night though. I was feeling totally fine until I lied down to sleep. Then my stomach started hurting a lot and I went up to use the restroom. GRAPHICNESS ahead. I pooed and then still felt bad so I just clutched my stomach. I would get up then feel terrible and just sit on the ground then sit on the toilet. I did this like four times and then just stood up. Then I don't know what happened but I passed out and fell into the bathtub. But MAGICALLY after I fell, I felt much better.
=

Getting back on the horse

Skip to :30!

I went to sleep at 2am and I woke up at 7:30. I guess I'm back to my regular sleeping pattern. The past week, I would go to sleep at 11pm and then wake up at 6am but stay in bed until 8:30 since I have work at 9. I kept wondering why I would wake up so early. And then I realize ... I was getting 9 hours of sleep! Which is about two more than I usually get. No wonder I kept waking up. My mind was unused to being in bed that long. I guess it's good - I haven't really fallen asleep at work. I thought it was because my work was interesting, but the office is hot, I eat huge lunches, and I'm sitting in a big comfy chair. It's a wonder that half my work hour isn't just me sleeping.

So I got up, opened my door ... and for the first time, I smelled FOOD in the sublet. Like, someone cooking food. 1) Yay, it feels slightly more homey now and 2) WHOA when exactly do people wake up around here? I honestly rarely see anyone walking around here, especially considering there should be about 50-60 people living in this fraternity right now. Maybe most of them haven't arrived (omg how much worse would it be when this house is at full capacity?!) but I always figured we had different schedules. I kind of assume I wake up the earliest, but then WHO IS MAKING BREAKFAST at 7AM?

Also, I went out last night and came back at 1am. It was a Friday night and I was expecting to be greeted by a rowdy party. Instead, the fraternity was completely quiet and most lights were turned off. DO PEOPLE here sleep at midnight or something? How strange and convenient for me. I thought I had been strengthening my sleeping behavior and becoming more able to sleep through noise. But maybe ... they just stop making noise around the time I sleep. I guess I won't even know until I befriend someone.

Now I really want to be friends with these people. But like many decisions I suddenly make about my life, this is not the time to implement them. It's time for Lake Tahoe! I'm dressed in gym clothes and I'm ready to go. I was planning on doing laundry when I return but I don't know now. If there are already people up, I bet the laundry machine is already in use. DARN! I just hope I have enough underwear.

Roommate Reunion

I spent yesterday night at Chrystal's AWESOME apartment. There's a definite Berkeleyness about the apartment (mold in places, terrible views, dingy hallway) but her furniture is so well picked out. It's all super cute and very modern. I can tell that my apartment is going to be a random assortment of furniture my friend leaves behind, and stuff that I randomly pick out from Craigslist. We basically talked for six hours straight, and then watched 10 things I hate about you. I fell asleep on her futon, after taking another luxurious shower. Yay to friends who let me shower at their place.

Talking to her made me think about a lot of things. I think I wanted a blog with less thoughts though. Isn't that stupid? My brain might explode from keeping in all these things. I feel like I don't really dwell on things because I just use my blog as verbal diarrhea and once I type it, I kind of forget about it.

Like my sublet issues. I wrote out this long ass post about it, and now people always go "awww are you ok now?" and I'm starting to react with "what? I don't think it's that bad. Did I say it was? Oh yeah I did." It's either not that bad or I'm starting to normalize it. I think it was just a huge rush of too many depressing things going on at once, so I hated life for a while. But when I break apart the little things, I realize it's not that bad.

So things Chrystal and I discussed
- There are so many people in the world who could be your greatest friend but you never meet them. Many of our friends were made through random circumstances. It's a little cool but very depressing to think of how many more close relationships you could have, but you just never have the chance to meet these people
- When you get older, people start treating you like an old person or like a child, but they don't treat you the way you are (if that makes sense... like if I were 80, no one looks at me as "Melissa," but as "old lady")
- Chrystal's belief that just about everyone in the world is stupid or lacks common sense and her hatred for these people
- The prospect of working a 9-5 job, which is especially terrifying for Chrystal
- The 1,200 man who lost 500 pounds and hopes to be able to stand for his wedding. Chrystal is the expert on this man
- 80,000 people in the US alone are over the age of 100
- The 80 year old woman who wanted to donate her body to science, then ended up living to age 115. There were no signs of Alzheimers, which means it is NOT inevitable
- The craziness of AHS, in particular, the insane AP English cliques that were made between students and teachers
- The weirdness of watching 10 Things I Hate About You knowing Heath Ledger has died, but how much weirder it will be when we watch the next Batman movie, and finally, the even MORE weirdness from watching his final movie
- People "invading our space"
- All the major bodily injuries Chrystal has suffered - about ten. My absolute favorite is the time she drilled herself in the leg
- The psychology behind the behavior of someone I find incredibly annoying. Interestingly, it's CHRYSTAL who makes me feel like I should be nicer to this person, even though I find no value in keeping a friendship with him

I loved having Chrystal as a roommate, especially first year. Second year was more whatever, like I got used to her just being there. And I do like how I feel like our roommate relationship ended when it should have, instead of being dragged out.

As always, after talking to her I want to: buy a lot more grown-up clothes, lose weight, hate on more people, clean

Also, I'm starting to want to go and talk to people in this sublet. I've always thought they seemed nice - they say hi and all. I just have no time to make conversation, because I come home so late, I go straight to my room, and then by the time I'm done doing everything I want online, it's time to sleep. But yesterday Chrystal was like "just talk to them! Of course they want to talk to you. They come here to make American friends!" And I was like hmmm that's true. Before I lived here, I thought it would be fantastic to make international friends. Then I got so busy ranting about where I live that I didn't have the time to talk. But I always regret not talking to people, and for once, I'd like to prevent that from happening.

Agh I'm so late for work. So late = five minutes. I hope this doesn't become a habit. Especially since it seems I'm taking a week off. HAHA

Hopefully I will post a more eventful entry!

:(

It hurts to breathe...

I'm not being emo. i'm just sick.

Banana Longevity

I've read somewhere that apples release some sort of chemical/hormone (do fruit have hormones? I forget all the things I've learned in AP Biology) that makes the things around it ripen faster. So do gas oven, so don't leave your fruit next to them! You're supposed to keep your apples away from other fruit that you do not want to ripen as quickly, say bananas. Well, I brought an apple and a banana to work yesterday, assuming that I would eat them. I must be eating a lot more, because when 6:00 rolled around, I still had not gotten hungry enough to eat them. So I just left my fruit in my bag, and NOW LOOK.

On your left, you have three bananas who were left to their own devices and just sit around in a Trader Joe's bag on my floor. To the right is the banana who had to suffer through a day of banging around my tote bag, and the apple that has made it age before its time. And now, this banana will no longer be able to serve its purpose of being consumed as breakfast. I have to wait for it to get super brown, and then I can cut it up into little pieces and make a banana peanut butter sandwich one day.

And the green wire is my LAN cable, which I use when this stupid wireless fails to work, which happens quite often.

Also, right after taking this picture, I realized that I had just let something I will consume touch a surface of my sublet, and I barfed a little inside.

And nowwwww time to work! I have six minutes to wash my bowl of cereal, put on shoes, and walk there. Good thing it only takes me three minutes to walk there!

*This appropriately short blog has been inspired by a new random blog I have found and attempted to read through 145 posts in one night*

Another "maybe next time" post

Every day I go swimming and all these thoughts go through my head. I just think about what I want to blog about, since there is really nothing else to do when you swim. But when I get home, I'm just so exhausted that I sit online and then decide to go to sleep. This has happened just about every night I've been back in Berkeley, and it's happened again! So when will I ever blog ... maybe by the time I get around to it, my feelings will have changed. Then it'll be like "if a tree falls down in the forest and no one hears it, did it really happen?" Is that even the saying? Because I don't get it if it is - obviously the tree did fall down. But anyway!

Thoughts I've had in the order that I'm remembering them, not in order of importance

1) Blog status
I remember people used to say "your blog is so funny! I enjoy reading it" and lately I hear more of "you are so honest in your blog." And when I say "people," I mean my readership of four. I wonder if this means my blog is less funny now. I think it is, since I usually just blog about my (unhumorous) thoughts. And I would really rather have a funny blog than a thoughtful blog, because I think the whole point of MY blog is to keep my friends entertained and also informed about my life. If I'm just talking about serious thoughts all the time, I might as well just write it in the diary I keep in a Word document. So I was like, how can I bring the funny back?! I don't know. I never even knew why some things I wrote were funny. Maybe they just sound funny when you read it and imagine my voice. So maybe I will try harder to write about random, light material

2) Friendship Ring!
I bought myself a new ring! I was walking around with Jonathan at the Bayfair shopping center, and I literally just thought "hey I have to buy a new ring while I'm at a mall sometime" and then I looked and there was a jewelry stand RIGHT THERE. I got one - it was 50% off so I only paid $8! I remember Ring Version1 was over $20. It's a lot thinner than the one I had before, so I hope it's still engravable (which I have to do whenever I'm back in Arcadia). It's kind of depressing to buy yourself a friendship ring when none of the friends in the group are with you. But the stores in Arcadia don't have my size, so I can't do it anywhere else. I'm just happy to have something on my ring finger again. I didn't realize how comfortable it felt to have something on my finger. I guess this is what people mean when they take off their wedding ring and it feels naked. Now my finger is weighed down by the love of TMV!

I'm realizing that I could possibly write everything I'm thinking of. So this is going to be a rather long entry. You probably won't want to read it in one sitting. If you do, you are a true friend. But I wouldn't blame you if you didn't.

3) Appreciation pt1: Friends
After observing certain behavior, I've come to realize that I love the TMV boys. Like, REALLY love. I have no idea how we ended up being in a group where ALL the guys completely respect women, are incredibly considerate, and are fun, exciting people to be around. I've kind of taken it for granted that guys just normally come like that. Well, I always knew there were jackassy guys, but I figured I would never meet any. I really haven't met JACKASS guys, but I've seen guys who just aren't "well-trained" at all and when I compare them to TMV boys, I'm kind of amazed that I'm friends with them at all. How many times have I said "TMV LOVE" in the past few days? Probably every entry.

4) Appreciation pt2: Home
So the whole "I miss home" has finally hit. Two years after college. I love(d) Berkeley and I love(d) taking the bus up and down the streets and just living in somewhere as awesome as the Bay Area. But this past week in this sublet just completely increased the Berkeley factor by 1000 to the point where I was kind of thinking "god I hate the Bay Area - I'm not living here when I graduate." Living in dorms is not at all indicative of most Berkeley apartments, and I knew this, but still, living in this sublet just makes me so annoyed that this city can be so old and dirty sometimes.

Also, living in Berkeley for the summer is completely different from living here in the schoolyear. It's incredibly depressing to stay on campus when there is just about NO ONE here. WHERE are all the people?! It's Session A right now, which consists of people who are willing to have a three day summer before starting summer school. When I walk to the gym, there is NO ONE on the streets. Every day I feel like I'm one of few survivors after a deadly disease was set upon the human race. Or, that zombies attacked and those who are alive have fled to Berkeley.

I'm hoping my attitude towards Berkeley will change, since I am only half done with college. A few weeks ago I was like "OMG I can't believe I'm HALF DONE! NOOO" but now I'm kind of like "god. Only half done." BUT YET ... there is that other nagging thing, which is

5) Full time job - HELL
I had a post about this, but I HATE working full-time. It's not that I hate the job, and it's not that I can't work. We all know I'm a huge workaholic. But the fact that the job I have seems to be somewhat similar to the career I want, and the fact that I come home every day just displeased with my life really does not bode well for the future. Again, I LOVEEE my company (just in case there are prying eyes). Just kidding, I say that in all seriousness. The Redwood Shores office has a freaking break room with bean bag chairs, free food, and a Wii with Rockband. The office feels like a day care center since there are so many toys littered on the ground. So again, LOVE the company. I also LOVE the work. But...

I guess I've opened my eyes up to the real world. I am definitely experiencing first-hand the "when you want to be a kid, you just want to be an adult, and when you want to be an adult, you just want to be a kid." Everyone knows this and can understand the logic behind it, but I'm definitely FEELING it. And I'm not even effing twenty yet. I just always think to myself, omg. Is this my future life? Waking up and not being able to gym in the morning? Having my lunch limited to an hour? Going home and being too exhausted to do anything fun? Going home to an empty room/apt/home? Not being able to hang out with friends because I have to wake up early again the next day? Every day ... and the only dim, light ahead is the weekend. A measly two days where I can hang out with friends, but after college, even that will become "the two days where I can sit around at home and then go grocery shopping!" Oh my god.

There are just so many thoughts stemming from this. It's like, living here this summer set off a chain reaction of emotions. My mom says that sublet-wise, at least I've learned. But I don't really know what I can say about learning what a full-time job feels like. I've learned, but I can't change becoming unhappy with the way my life is going to turn out, because this routine is not going to change. America is not going to suddenly change up the 40 hour work week and I'm not going to say "OK Melissa is no longer going to work when she graduates! She's going to travel foreign countries and live life without rules!" because that is stupid and I would be even more unhappier. So I can either slowly, begrudingly accept this or go crazy

6) Kids ... yeah ... no.
I babysat for the first time yesterday. Jon had to babysit his cousins, so I went. It was honestly the first time I have ever interacted with a child for more than ... 20 seconds. It's pretty frightening. But OMG I was exhausted within two hours. They were very well-behaved too. We played teaparty and restaurant and wrote letters to each other and played Wii and tickletag. The kids were pretty cute. I talked more to Emma, Jon's 6 year old cousin. We started talking after she asked if I wanted to see the upstairs, which I actually desperately wanted to (more on that in part seven). She showed me her play area. We started hitting it off when she showed me her picture diary, and I asked "what is HSM" which she had written and drawn a heart around. Can you guess?

High School Musical

So I cannot ever be more grateful for that fact that Danny introduced me to High School Musical. I actually had something to talk about to a six year old child! I found it hilarious that our conversation went like this
Me: Oh! High school musical! Who's your favorite? Don't tell me you like Zac Efron
Emma: No! I like Gabriella
Me: Oh. Vanessa Hudgens? Yeah she's pretty. What about Ashley Tisdale?
Emma: Nooo

I don't know. I found it funny that I just talked about them using their real names and she used their fake names. So then she asked if I wanted to draw. Second self-hilarious moment - the fact that if you place my pictures and her pictures next to each other, they are VERY SIMILAR. I do draw like a child. A child in kindergarten.

Next hilarious moment of the night - Emma wanted me to "make a book with her" which consisted of a sheet of paper cut into tiny squares, which we would draw on. While doing this, this happened:

Emma: When I first saw you, I thought you were crazy
Me: WHAT?! WHY!
Emma: I don't know
Me: WHAT? Well what do you think now?
*Doesn't respond, continues to color*
So for the next fifteen minutes it was me going
Me: So Emma, do you still think I'm crazy?
*Doesn't respond*

I can't believe I still need social validation from a child.

But I find it incredible that children will think someone is crazy, but then still willingly show them around their house and play with them. But then I won her over with teaching her how to fold a note, which is something all Asian girls learned in middle school. She was thoroughly impressed. So she wanted us to write notes to each other, but she needed help spelling. So I thought this was cute

Things she wanted me to help her spell: "hope you had fun" "melissa" "good time"

So she wrote me a note saying "I hope you are having a god (sic) time with us. Love, Emma" and "I like you Melissa! Love, Emma"

SO, I WIN.

And she also said "will you come back?" "Do you want me to come back?" "Yes!" "But I thought you said I was crazy" "Well I didn't know you back then!"

SO, WIN AGAIN.

7b) Kids, in more detail
So that was a long section. Part of the "I hate living in the sublet" is that I enter, I go to my room, and I talk to no one. And it's sad because when you're in the dorms, that doesn't happen. And it's not that I want to talk to people in this particular sublet, but that I KNOW this is what living alone is going to feel like. I've wanted to live independently in my own nice apartment for years, but now I realize, Oh my god ... how depressing to come home everyday, throw your keys on the counter ... and not talk to anyone.

So part of me was like "wow ... I think I really do need to have kids, just to have that purpose in life." Or at least, I used to not really care about getting married or not, but I can tell that I would be incredibly lonely if I didn't live with someone. But, still after yesterday, I don't really think I'm parent material.

What I've learned from that day. Kids are fun but tiring. I can actually hold a conversation with a kid. I can give a 60-lb kid a piggyback ride. But, I still do not want kids, and if anything, I'm more certain that I don't. Why? Because 1) I have no idea how I would have said no to anything they asked me to do. 2) I was happy that I got a kid to like me, but I don't think I really enjoyed playing with children at all 3) Looking around the house, I was kind of like, omg I would hate it if a kid messed up my furniture. Which brings me to..

8) Need for surburbia
Ok, I'm privileged. So one of the reasons I'm a lot more sad, as part of the "ugh I hate how Berekley is so dirty" thought, is that I HATE how everything I've been seeing is so GHETTO. I freaking want to live in a place where it's not noisy at all, where there aren't cars parked on the street, where restaurant choices are not fast food only, where stores don't have to pull down metal bars at night, where I can go RUNNING at night without considering whether I have to bring pepper spray. And I know some people have never and may never experience living in a place like that. And I know going to Berkeley should make me more empathetic for those people. But I'm just thinking to myself "DEAR GOD I don't ever want to live or visit an urban city ever again."

So for a few days, I was like "no more Bay Area" but I know that the only Bay Area places I've seen are the places the bus can take me, and those places are just not going to be suburban. They don't have public transportation in the places I want to be in. So I still want to live in Bay Area, just as long as it's someplace like Cupertino or Danville. Somewhere unreachable by the Bart or the AC Transit.

And I was seriously getting very depressed. Jon's house was like a fresh breath of air - ASIAN FOOD! BATHTUB! NICE ASIAN PARENTS! CARPET! QUIET STREET! but going to Jon's aunt's house was like ... paradise. It was a house very much like houses in Arcadia. It was in a street very much like an Arcadia street. It was exactly the place I would want to live in, so when I entered the house, I just had an endorphin rush. If I were to go back to Arcadia, I kind of want to just sleep on the streets and take it all in. But the next time I go might be Thanksgiving, and it'll be too cold then. But omg, I miss home, and finally, not because I miss my friends but because I actually do miss the home I grew up in and the streets and restaurants I am used to.

8b) Future house
So there is this weird "I hate working full-time and I hate this dirtiness of urbanness" which created "I love Arcadia and its surburbanness" which then leads to "I absolutely have to live in a place like this when I grow up, otherwise I will just be completely unsatisfied with my life" which THEN leads to "And to be able to live in such a nice community where there are grocery stores a few streets away and I have my own little garden, I have to have a good job" which then leads back to "OMFG I HATE FULL TIME JOBS."

But yeah, future house. Seeing Jon's aunt's house was interesting because I LOVE IT. It's very modern, and the picture frames are very clean cut. But you can definitely see the schism between "what the parents bought pre-children" and "what the parents bought because of their kids." And part of the reason I don't want kids is the selfish, probably foolish notion of "I want to have my house exactly this and this way and I don't want to have to buy ugly ass children toys." So you walk in, the house is kept incredibly clean. Just watching the kids play, you can tell they've been brought up very well and they clean up after themselves and know not to draw on the couch and stuff. But imagine having to tell your kids and make them aware of not messing up the expensive couch you bought. I wonder how much time and training it took.

And then the living room is like, all this nice furniture, and all the kids stuff looks nice and fairly expensive and very well-coordinated as well. But at the same time, it's like, the rug is clearly from a kid-oriented furniture store. The backyard furniture consists of only kid play things, and one nice but looks rarely used patio table and chairs. It's just such a clear indication of how, once you have kids, they pretty much run your life.

Wow, I think I'm starting to run out of things to say. I think after this entry, I could possibly find nothing else to blog about

9) Random thoughts
- I need to steal a spoon and fork from the dining commons because I still can't eat cereal
- Shit, I have to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow for work
- Shit, I have to start going to Hearst gym to swim/shower and I've never been there
- I should probably start doing something more substantial than an hour of swimming
- I think I'm about to get my period soon, which is only going to make this sublet situation worse
- I've always hated clingy people
- I need to get an AA battery for my slowly dying mouse
- The only beacons of hope I have this summer are TMV friends coming to visit me, so I hope things don't come up and they decide not to
- I've only become cheaper this summer, and while it's ok for now, I hope it's not a permanent state of mind because saving money is respectable, but being a cheapskate is just unlikable
- None of the things I wanted to do this summer are going to be done, ie. watching movies every day, going to exercise classes, going running, getting a kickass body, learning how to cook...
- I guess I'm having my mid-life crisis now
- Are you still here? Incredible

My life seems to be unraveling

I'm at Jonathan's house right now and I'm going to sleepover for the weekend. I didn't realize that I'm sleeping over at a BOY'S house until just now, when I was thinking of how to start the entry. It's not that hard to believe, considering how many other things my mom has let me do (ex. hosting a sleepover with four guys in my living room, having friends drink alcohol in our own home, go on completely random ass roadtrips, once internationally) but I did not realize until now that when she called to check up on me four hours ago, I answered with "Oh I'm at Jonathan's! I'm going to be spending the night. I have to go now, I'll call you later!" and she answered NOT with "WHAT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?!" but with "Oh you don't have to call me tonight I can tell you are busy."

But that is not at all the point of this entry.

I feel bad using Jon's computer since he's kind of wandering around the house doing nothing, so this entry will be brief. Plus, I think I could punch out a more thoughtful post when I'm back in my sublet, instead of when I'm basking in the gloriousness of sitting in a CLEAN, COZY house.

Basically, I just took one of the best showers in my life. It wasn't at some fancy hotel and people were not waiting to massage me or anything. It was in Jon's house, in a shower that I couldn't figure out how to use until I had to redress and ask him, using pretty soggy soap and having to put on clothes I dug out of my backpack.

But oh my god .... the luxury of bathing somewhere without shower slippers, without the anxiety of having people walk past and catch a glimpse of your goodies, of having a freaking bathtub with glass doors surrounding you and being able to just step out and dry yourself in an enclosed room ... is freaking fantastic.

I mentioned this earlier but I don't know if anyone took me seriously - for the past five days I've been showering at the gym instead of at my sublet. That's how disgusting I think my sublet bathroom is. Honestly, it's not the worst thing ... but if having to shower in a public place where I sometimes have to walk around buck naked in front of other girls makes me happier than showering at my sublet, I'm going to do it. And I have, and I plan to for the rest of the summer.

So that's all I'll say for now - it's 1:10 am and I'm super tired but insanely happy that I have the fortune of having norcal friends to visit during the lonely months of Berkeley summer, who will allow me to sleepover at their houses and keep me from going into a terrible depression. Because I'm kind of getting there. Not to be melodramatic - maybe this is my natural mode when I'm dead tired, to be melodramatic. But I'll write more about this later.

I guess this is the future

HiLARious. I think the face she makes is exactly Hayden Panettiere.

Ok, so that was the impetus of this entry. I have had a lot to blog about, which I think about when I'm at work, but I'm also too tired to actually write it. I have to go swimming in about ten minutes too, and I can basically write two paragraphs in ten minutes.

Things I want to blog about:
1) Work
2) This sublet
3) What I want to do this summer

Let's see... I've already written the title, and that pertains to work. So I guess I'll write about that:

Work:

I love my job and I actually enjoy doing the same thing over and over again. There are not many people who would find this job interesting, since it's basically competing against yourself every hour. With each company I complete, I just have to finish the next one with less, if any, errors and in less time. And it's the same thing about eight times a day, then multiplied by every day I work there.

But, and I don't think this applies only to this particular job, but a FULL-TIME EIGHT HOUR job is FREAKING painful. I've looked forward to graduating and getting a job. Mainly because I want to know WHAT job I will have in the future and see how closely my future parallels my dreams. But if this is what a full-time job is, I don't see how people do it. My commute is only a five minute walk, I can wear tshirts and jeans and walk around the office in my socks, and today, some random band pulled up in a truck close to the office and just played old rocks songs for an hour (including a lovely rendition of "Hey Bush" set to "Hey Jude" which was actually very entertaining and very well sung, and very Berkeley-like). BUT. and I realize I've started many sentences with "but," I can NOT sit in an office chair for that long. I can NOT stare at a computer screen that long - even when I played Sims I come up for air after about five hours.

And everyday, I come home, go online for about an hour, get ready to go to the gym, swim, and when I return, I'm exhausted. I can't even do anything I want - and this is basically the schedule working people have. Only most adults I know have a commute from 30min-1hr, and they have to cook and take care of their homes when they return. HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS?!

I do think that my job requires much more concentration than most jobs. It's the same thing over and over, and you're looking at the same thing all day which takes a lot out of you. But I remember doing ONE full-shift at Souplantation (which is another really tiring job of being on your feet all day) and I remember being incredibly exhausted as well.

Out of all the people I know, I'm probably the one most eager to work. But AGH! I've really loved college life, but now I feel like I'm trying to cling onto something that's just slowly slipping away from me. At least I have a good idea of what to expect when I graduate.

Now, not only do I have to go swimming, but my bladder is about to explode. I'll blog tomorrow!

My day

I'd talk about my day and how I kind of regret subletting at a frat this summer, but I'm super exhausted. So instead, good night! I miss many of my friends and I hope they either come visit me in Berkeley, or come back to Berkeley soon.

Indicators of the sad life I lead:
- I shower in the gym, because I like it more than showering here
- I need to start bringing my water bottle everywhere, so I can fill it with water
- My dinner consisted of a slice of bread - and this was not some diet plan
- Walking 15 minutes to Alvin's house was completely worth it, even though I was starving and about to fall asleep on his floor