Stupid Quotes

Some horribly stupid things I've said in college, proving that I am only book smart

Me: Wait, is salmon seafood? It's not
Other (I don't remember who because we were in a group): Salmon live in the sea
Me: But it's not like shrimp or lobster
Other: That's shellfish. Fish are seafood
Me: Oh...

Li-Ting: blah blah blah the job market is getting really bad
Me: Oh no! I'm going to be jobless by the time it's my turn to graduate
Li-Ting: No, you're an accountant. There will always be a need for accountants
Me: Until the robots come

Me: I really want to volunteer. Or! Knit. But what do you buy to knit? Is it yarn?
Angelica: Are you being serious? I'm not even going to respond to that
Me: No seriously.

Me: Are we in Alameda or Berkeley?
Li-Ting: Berkeley is part of Alameda County
Me: Oh... I've always wondered about that

Caroline: What county are you from?
Me: I actually don't know. It's either Orange County or Los Angeles County
*two commercial breaks later*
Me: blah blah blah yeah I used to volunteer at the arboretum. It's actually called the Los Angeles County Arb--- OH MY GOD! I live in Los Angeles!

Why today sucks ass

1) I got a 77 on my econ midterm
Ok, so this is actually the median score for my section, meaning I got a smack-in-the-middle B. But BOO. Now I have to really work to not get an A-. And I don't think I can get an A+ anymore. I've noticed that all the questions I got wrong for the first and second midterm still don't make sense to me, so I have to figure them out before the final. Also, the new material is kind of hard to understand, so shucks.

2) Did not gym; instead, napped
I'm super lazy now, even though I can tell I got fatter. It's just not the level of fat that makes me want to get up and gym. Damn you Thanksgiving break! Either I felt too good about my body or three days of non-gymming really throws me off track. I need someone to constantly put me down so I'm always motivated to gym. Too bad I would make said person cry. With my words.

3) Lack of clothes
I've put off doing laundry for a REALLY long time. Not only that, but the last time I did laundry, I decided not to wash all my jeans, thinking I would be doing laundry soon anyway. I'm not 100% certain what's clean and what's not in my closet, because sometimes I hang things back up if I think they can be reworn. I took some underwear home that got washed, so it put off my need to do laundry even longer. Now, I'm kind of running out of nice clothes to wear and the ones in my laundry basket are too nasty to consider digging out.

4) Nothing to do
I have projects to do and finals to study for, but they're not immediate so I'm kind of like hm... there's nothing to do ... and I don't even have shows to watch because nothing is new and I don't want to watch any reruns. So I really have NOTHING. Which is why I napped today. Also, Haas apps were due today so now I have this state of mind that's like "Well I don't have anything to do until March 12, ladeedah"

5) Lots I want to do
Then, I have a bunch of things I want to do (see: entry below) but they all require some amount of initiative that I just don't want to put in. Which then feeds into a cycle of "I hate my life. I want to do things. I'm too lazy to do things."

6) Freezing ass shower
I decided to take a shower at 3pm today. Someone was in the stall I usually use, which has a bathtub. So I used a real shower stall, and the water would not turn hot. Not only that, but the cold water was ICE cold. Eventually, it got a little warmer, but I know it was only "warmer" relative to the ice cold. I took the shower shivering and when I came out, instead of my usual "that felt warm and nice" I was like "DEAR GOD PUT CLOTHES ON IMMEDIATELY."

7) Friends (or lack of)
Ok, not lack of. I've actually been talking to more people on my floor lately. I even got invited to a birthday celebration, even though I called him by the wrong name. HEH. In my defense, he looks like a Brian and nothing like a Paulo. In his defense, Paulo is probably not limited to Mexicans. But lately, I've been sitting in my classes and looking around and thinking "darn, that person looks really interesting. Too bad I never talked to him/her." I was early to my demography class today and I talked to one of the grad students in my class and she was super nice. She's from Brazil. I wish I had taken advantage of my demography class because I love making friends with older people, and my demography class is actually 1/3 grad students. (Which was really terrifying to find out at the beginning of the school year, until you realized that the grad students had no idea what was going on in the class either). One week left. Who would like to be my friend?

I realized that most of these are actually not limited to today, but every day. Oh well.

I think I'm going to eat ice cream at night. Then I will forget about my econ midterm.

Things I want to do

I don't really feel like working but I'll allow myself only twenty minutes to blog before I absolutely must do work. Anyway, I don't really have very much work to do now, and there are only about THREE sessions left for each of my classes. How bizarre. You expect to have half a semester to go after Thanksgiving break, but it's actually only two weeks! Eek. If you asked me what I've learned this semester, I couldn't tell you. I don't know what's going on in most of my classes. I actually don't think I've learned anything from demography. No lie.

So I actually have quite a bit of extra time that I just squander away. I'm getting in those "boo I wish I were able to do this" moodswings, which happens from time to time. I'm also in a "I'm a fatass and all I want to do is eat junk food and sit in my room all day" mood but thankfully my floormate forces me to go swimming, so I haven't gained too much weight.

1) Surf
I think I tell everyone this. Sometimes I wish I had gone to a beach school so that I could have taken surfing classes. I'm sure that's not a good reason to choose a college though. I need to a) learn how to drive freeway so I can actually get to the beach b) buy a surfboard c) buy a wetsuit d) find a surfing instructor, a really good friend who knows how to surf, or a (hot) nice guy on the beach who will teach me (and love me)

2) Knit
I just need to buy whatever it is people use to knit (yarn? thread? clearly I know nothing) and some knitting needles. And then learn how to knit. Imagine how many articles of clothing I could have made by now, if I just knit while watching tv. Goodness.


3) Make crafty things
Why can't I make cute little things like this?I want to be a Martha Stewart. Without the orange jumpsuit. But imagine all the things you could do if you were crafty! This is one of those really idealistic dreams though because I can hypothetically knit and I can surf but I don't think any amount of effort could erase the fugly I put into artsy things. Seriously, I don't think I've ever been able to make anything that looked cute and proportionally correct. Just look at my drawings.

4) Cook
Even though I do not have a kitchen. Although I could totally just go downstairs and cook, the cleanliness of that communal kitchen is really questionable. I wish I could make this though
Mmm. and even Asian foods. It would be awesome if I could make my own sushi. I'd end up eating so much raw fish though, I'd just die of mercury poisoning.

Eff, it's 10:00. Do I even wish I could do anything else?

4) Make friends in my classes
I guess it's too late now, since there's only a week and a half left of school. I'm happy with the friends I have now, but sometimes I look around the classroom and I'm like "boo I kind of wish I knew that person better, he/she looks interesting." I also wish I had been more friendly at the beginning of school in my dorm, but now it seems kind of awkward. "Hi! I never spoke to you for four months even though we lived together, but let's be friends"

Homework time!

HAAAA awesome. Kristen Bell's "damn this shit" face before she gets out of the car is so Veronica Mars

Also, HOW MANY times do I have to rave about How I Met Your Mother before people WATCH IT?! If it gets cancelled, I will be very unhappy

2 Heroes fall...

Eek! One more episode of Heroes before the writers' strike takes effect. I heard that the Office has already run out of episodes. I wonder what I'm going to do for winter break when everyone else has gone to school. Maybe I'll have a Buffy marathon with myself. Or do something productive with my life.

Tonight's episode of Heroes was actually kind of boring, when I think about it. Best moment: Kristen Bell with the slurpie in the car. I laughed. And then I remembered why I heart Kristen Bell so much. And then I laughed again. I'm half disappointed that this episode wasn't as good, but I'm also glad I'm not getting so hooked that the lack of episodes after December 3rd will pain me. I'm also kind of glad that I won't have so much tv to watch on Mondays. I never realize that I have two hours of tv to watch on Mondays, because I always forget The Hills is on. And then when Heroes ends, I'm always like "how can I procrastinate? OH WAIT! Episode of Hills! YES!"

The preview for Heroes claims two heroes will fall. I'm hoping this means they actually die, rather than fall twenty stories and then heal themselves. I'm excited. I think the intention of the promo is to have viewers go "oh no! Who will it be?!" but I'm pretty sure that everyone responds with "thank god, now we can clean out a bit of the cast."

I already had a "who would I kill from Heroes" post but if I had to choose TWOOO...

1) Peter Petrelli in a heartbeat. I think he's become not only really stupid but also a giant pussy this season. I hate when "good guys" blindly follow the word of some character who is obviously very fishy and untrustworthy. I think it was all those seasons of Alias that made me this way. The only reason a character (ex. Sydney Bristow) should listen to the bad guy (ex. Sloan) is when the bad guy has gone through the trouble of setting up a fake CIA agency, fools just about everyone that works for him, and makes even the viewers uncertain about whether he's really good or evil for the entire running of the series. Otherwise, you're just being a dumbass.

2) This is where it gets hard. There are too many. After today's episode, I'd actually like to kill off that fat black kid who doesn't have any powers, but we don't see much of him anyway, so that'd be wasting a kill. I actually wasn't sure if that kid was a guy or a girl until today. Fat kids with dreadlocks are really hard to identify gender.

- West (I'm not even sure if this is his name): Oh new kid. I hate you. I also can't tell the difference between you and Lyle, until Claire starts macking out with you and then I'm like "ok, probably not Lyle the brother." His blind love for Claire is also kind of annoying. I mean, I heart Hayden Panettiere too but gross, grow a pair.
- Hiro: I think it would actually be really sad if he died because I imagine his death scene would make me tear up. It would probably involve some slow motion and his sword and his last words being something like "Ando. I am sorry I have failed you. I love you" and Ando going "You are a true warrior. I love you too, Hiro my best friend and also lover." But I wouldn't want him to die because I'm actually hoping he kills Peter. HEHE! Stab him in the head!
- Mohinder: Is he even a hero? He's more of an annoying idiot who just blurts out secret plans because he has no idea what to do. Also, that nose bandage is not doing him any favors because it only makes him look more pathetic and I keep imagining myself punching him there.

But actually, I think Matt wins the death vote. He's not particularly connected with any of the characters, so he can't even further any storylines. He's extremely annoying and I hate that face he makes when he reads minds. It's like a "wait what is that I smell?" look.

Also, is it just me or have none of the older past heroes used any of their powers? Maybe it runs out at a certain age.

AGH! I haven't been reading economics. Sigh. What a boring ass chapter I'm reading.

Christmas Presents

I've been sitting at my computer for the past 5 hours doing just about nothing. I'm trying to finish my Haas essay, and honestly, every time I think about it I'm like "this is so easy I can do it in half an hour!" But then half an hour rolls by and I've written a sentence. Not good. I have a lot of work to do too. And all I can think about is what I want to do for Christmas.

I want to make PILLOWS! And after Owen said something about how he loves pillows made out of shirts, now I want to make pillow shirts! Look and see
Cute huh? Only I don't have men's shirts just lying about, waiting to be destroyed by my hands. I don't know how to sew at all. I feel like all it takes is some thread and a needle, and the patience and ability to just go in and out in a straight line. But then when I try reading about how to do things like sew and knit, I see all these "you need THIS fabric for THIS and THAT fabric for THAT" and a bunch of different sewing techniques and my mind goes blank. Also, I don't know if I have the time during finals week to sit around sewing things. This seems like a thing housewives do, not students who are scrambling to pull up their grades.

I want to try not talking about what I ate or how little I exercised until Christmas time. HAHA I think I can last a day.

End of Thanksgiving Break

Wow it's Sunday. And I'm home! I wish I knew if anyone else were back in the dorms, not that I could do anything with them. Seeing as how it's 3:30 am. I went to take a shower right when someone else took a shower (in the stall that I use too). Maybe he thought he was the only one in the dorms or maybe he's been here alone this entire Thanksgiving break, but he started taking off his pants before the shower door shut and I walked by and I was like ... please don't be that comfortable in the communal bathroom.

My face and my lips are super dry from being in SoCal. I feel like in the last 10 hours, I gained a lot of weight and my stomach expanded. I'm also in a "I want to search through my entire iTunes for music" because road trip mix cds always have songs that I used to listen to and then I think HEY! I love that song. Why did I stop listening to it? Right now it's Coldplay - Yellow

Tomorrow I shall finish my first Haas essay. And possibly go up and down College Ave to do some Christmas shopping. Actually ... never mind. I think I might have a lot of homework to do. Maybe I should just finish everything so this entire week will be homework free. Crap, there were a lot of things that I put off, saying "I'll deal with this after Thanksgiving."

I realized this break that every time I come home, I expect nothing to have changed. I always expect the same people to also be at home, and that they'll always be available to do things. It's like I have two lives - one in Berkeley that actually changes with experience and one that is put on pause back in Arcadia that won't ever change. Even though I already expect Arcadia-life to change, I can't help trying to imagine that it won't. It'll probably still be a rude awakening when we graduate from college and move off to whereever we find jobs/grad schools. And specifically for TMV, I think the biggest milestones we'll have in the future are when Danny gets rid of his minivan and when someone's parents move out of their house.

I can't find my tweezers. Boo.

I should probably sleep soon. AHHH The dining halls are not open tomorrow for breakfast. I have been left to fend for myself. What should I eat? Maybe a crepe. HA. No, I shouldn't.

I kind of want to take all the labels off my posts, because I don't like how I labelled my entries. That will be super annoying to do though.

My aunt who I have not seen in a fairly long time also said I got fatter. To which I say, I think your mind is fucked up because the last time I saw you, I was pretty fat and I'm far thinner now. Also, ... well. I don't know if my cousins would ever read this blog, or if they would even be able to find it. But what a little. Yeah. I think it's annoying that I have to smile and be polite to her comment when I really just want to punch her in the face. I can understand if someone says it to someone who actually does need to gain weight (which I do not), but even then, they should only say it if they have the grace to say it kindly. And also, they should be able to recognize when someone gives them a big "WTF ... excuse you" look instead of going on and saying "Yes! You are fatter than your mom!"

I know I'm going to read that one day many months from now and think "omg I totally forgot I dislike her. HATE!"

I am kind of confused about what day it is

Yesterday felt like it was three days but it was really ONE. This is going to be a very xanga-ish entry where I talk about my day, and the entry is only interesting to the people who are mentioned in it.

I woke up at 4:10 in the morning because Connie was supposed to pick me up to go to Ontario Mills for Black Friday shopping. It turned out she had changed the time to 6:00 and the text didn't reach me. I woke up naturally at 3:45, and I was like "I wonder what time it is. It can't possibly be anywhere close to 4:00 because it looks like it's midnight" but I forced myself to look at the time and I was very unpleasantly surprised. Instead of going back to sleep, for some reason I found it necessary to turn on the computer and check all my usual websites. Which was really unnecessary because no one really blogs on Thanksgiving night. Besides me. Then Connie came and we drove off.

We shopped until 1 I think. Halfway through, my legs were in extreme pain and I kind of wanted to die. All those hours of shopping for ... a pair of Nine West heels for $21.53. Yes, Black Friday is WELL worth it. -__- I really hope it gets ingrained into my head NEVER to go black friday shopping again. All the good stores have extremely long lines that wrap around the store, and all the stores with fewer people don't have any good deals. Plus, since we went to an outlet, everything is basically the same price anyway. Also, when I get accidentally pushed by someone, usually I figure that it was an accident but on black Friday shopping day, I instinctively respond with "fucking pushy shopper bitch!" In my head of course. I think I'll try doing all my Christmas shopping on College Ave, where the feeling is much different from a mall atmosphere.

Black Friday shopping is probably the only time I ever think guys are smarter than girls. The boys went to Frys and made a little game plan of what to buy and who would get the thing. They actually do end up saving a lot of money, and the things they buy are well worth it. Girls end up going to some mall where they have to circle around a parking lot for hours and THEN walk for hours and hours. At least I know I worked off my Thanksgiving dinner.

We had Jamba Juice, which I kind of did not want to have because I wanted to eat at home, but I did anyway. From now on, I have to start getting the smaller size, not the original because even though it's just Jamba Juice, which is fairly healthy, I still think I'm eating too much. Smaller portions! I have an index card somewhere in my dorm where I wrote a bunch of diet rules, one of which was "Eat like a French person."

I went home and slept for an hour then woke up and went to Best Buy and Circuit City with my brother. Biggest effing waste of time EVER. I wanted to buy How I Met Your Mother season 1 ($12.98 at Circuit City!) and Friday Night Lights but they weren't there. ARGH! WHO is buying How I Met Your Mother dvds?! No one watches that show. If you do, come be my friend.

Then I called a bunch of people to go to Souplantation. I thought I would just ask Danny to give me a ride and then I remembered he can't drive at night because his headlights are broken. So I called Owen. Then Eric called and I was like "ERIC! Can you take me because I assume that if Owen gives me a ride, I'm going to arrive twenty minutes late" and he was like sure. Right after I hung up, Owen calls and is like "hey I'm near your house" and he was EARLY. Bizarre twist of events.

Mmm Souplantation. I managed to not get chili. I got a lot of salad, mac & cheese, biscuit (soooo good which means soooo buttery), cornbread, blueberry muffin, and apple cobbler with frozen yogurt. I regret ... the blueberry muffin. It looks like that's so little food, especially compared with what I used to eat, but I think now, a typical dinner would have just consisted of the salad. I'm not paying $8 for a salad though.

Then we drove off to Frances L's. It was super windy, and as we were sitting in the parking lot we were like AHHH TYPHOON! I went in Eric's car and we drove to pick up Henry and Jackie, which resulted in our arriving 20 minutes later than everyone else who left the same time we did. I kind of figured they would just sit in their cars outside Frances', which they did. HAHA

I heart Frances L's house. We get to do a lot of the things there that I love to do with TMV, which includes eating, talking, playing video games, and watching trashy tv. We played on her Wii, and it was some sort of game with a lot of mini-games. Then we decided to turn it off and watch tv. BEST SHOWS EVER. It's very surprising how Eric, Frances L, and I all have oddly a lot of a knowledge about trashy mtv shows. We watched Gay, Straight or Taken first and I got it right for BOTH episodes. I think it's a mix of my fabulous gaydar plus I've watched so much reality tv that I can pick up on the little clues that writers set up to reveal a character. Then we watched Tila Tequila HAHA. So much good conversation results from these two shows

Frances L (to Eric): Did you know who she was before the show?
Eric: *pause*
Me: You mean, did he watch Tila Tequila in a porno?

Show: *man goes on a date with a girl doing some sort of martial arts and he punches really horribly*
Everyone: OMGGG GAY! SO GAY!

Frances L: Is Tila even her first name?
Everyone: Hmm ... I don't know
Owen: I think her real name is Tila Nguyen
Me: WHAT?! You guys NEVER know any celebrity's name but you know that her name is Tila Nguyen?!

*commercial for The OC comes on*
Frances L: Do you guys like Mischa Barton or Rachel Bilson more?
Eric: I don't even know which one is which
Frances L: Mischa Barton is blonde and Rachel Bilson is---
Me: WHAT!? You don't know which one is which?!
Eric: Just tell me who Rachel Wilson is!
Me and Frances L: BILSON.

Frances L: Do you think Blake Lively is pretty? She's the one in ... Traveling Pants
Me: There's no way they will know what you're talking about.
Eric: Yeah. What Traveling Pants movie?
Frances L: The girl in that movie, Accepted
Eric: OHHH HER! Yeah she's pretty hot

That's as far as my memory reaches but I know my throat was getting hoarse from yelling and laughing while playing Wii and watching awesome tv. We watched Man Vs. Wild too. Apparently it is a show that appeals to all. People then kept falling asleep and at some point, Eric and I were both sleeping while Henry and Frances played Wii tennis. Every time I sleep in Frances' couch, I have to cover my entire body with her pillows so my body heat is contained. I wonder how crazy I look - a little mound of pillows. I woke up at 3 and we decided to leave. The entire night, I kept thinking it was already 2am but I would look over and it'd be like 9.

It is also INSANELY cold here. I really don't get it - I think it's much colder than Berkeley is. The car ride was a little painful because we were all freezing.

Now it's 12:20. I woke up at 10 - too late to go running :( Oh well. I want to call people to make plans but no one would be available right now. TMV should be early risers. Then we can eat Ihop together at 8am in the morning.

Black Friday Shopping

I'm going black friday shopping in less than six hours. The boys are going to Staples (actually I think they're already there) but as I was lying on the couch, I decided I should just sleep and shop full out, rather than pulling an all-nighter, as fun as it was last year. And by fun, I mean completely debilitating. I fell asleep during the first fifteen minutes of Grey's but when I woke up I was like "...eh..." whereas if it had been something like Friday Night Lights I probably would have freaked out. Grey's Anatomy was ... not very interesting. And I wish it had been more Thanksgiving themed. It was a lot of drama and attempted heartpulling, but all I could think about was how people watching it on Thanksgiving probably were not in the mood for an episode with that kind of tone. Also, ending scene BARF BARF BARF. How can they show something like that when they know everyone JUST finished eating a giant dinner?

I'm in the mood right now where I'm like "YES I'm totally going to buy out the entire mall." I'll get there and the first store I enter will probably be like "AGH so many people eff this there's nothing here" and I'll go home with a pity purchase. I'm looking at stuff online though, and omg why can't I be rich now? :( I want a job. So I can feel less sad about my dwindling bank account.
I don't think I really need any sporty glasses but I like this style a lot more than those giant bug-eyed shaped ones that are sold. It looks so awesome. If only I had the athletic body to go with it...

Which face shape are you? HAHA

Oh wow. I just wasted a lot of time. Whoops.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Don't bother reading this - it's mainly for myself

Things I want to do this break:
1) Eat at Souplantation for lunch. Maybe on ... Friday? After black Friday shopping? Nothing really jumps out at me from the menu, but maybe that way I won't eat so much.
2) Black Friday shopping at Staples at midnight
3) Black Friday shopping at Ontario Mills at 5am
4) Running on Friday night. I ran 2 miles today and I practically died. Running on the treadmill and running on the track are completely different things. I'm so glad I didn't ask my friend if I could run with her to the marina. I think I would have died four blocks from our dorm.
5) Running on Saturday morning
6) Take lots of pictures. So far, fairly successful
7) Get one good video of all of us together
8) Start on my Haas essay. By the time I get home, I will only have FIVE DAYS left! I should be panicking but something is blocking me from comprehending this fact.
9) Maintain weight. I won't be so naive to think I'll lose weight. I just don't want to go home with a giant belly
10) Keep face clear. My face was unusually clear but the drive down made me break down a little. Still, it's better than how I usually look when I come home, which is like massive acnefest
11) Plan out winter break - Lake Tahoe? TMV Christmas dinner?
12) Plan out spring break - Mexico cruise?
13) Plan out Christmas gifts - Although I kind of want to buy presents for everyone this year, I'll bet most of TMV wants to do secret santa. I wonder if we should include the guys this time. I also want to do little group gifts but I can't think of anything and I also can't design anything.
14) Go to CVS and buy all the apple cider that is on sale (last year we bought like 5 bottles, each for 69 cents or something

Things I would like to buy:
1) Jeans - I read on a blog where she wrote something about how your favorite jeans immediately demotes all your other jeans to grunge status. This is SO TRUE. I bought a pair of A&F jeans over the summer and I freaking love them to death. They were even from an outlet, and are supposedly "irregular" somewhere that I can't see. I need more jeans. I wish I didn't have to pay $50 for all of them though.
2) Camera - I really doubt this will happen because I want to save all my money for clothes. I think I really need a new one, but I don't think I need one now because I don't take too many pictures in college anyway.
3) Really nice sunglasses - Although this is an impractical buy because rainy season is beginning in Berkeley and I wear sunglasses about never
4) Bikini - I feel really embarrassed that I only own one-pieces. I can't go to the beach at my age in a one-piece! I have to slut it up a little. Normally I'd be like "we're not going to the beach anytime soon" but if I do end up visiting my floormate over winter break, I'm pretty certain we'll go to the beach.
5) Really nice purse - I don't know what kind of purse I want and I can't imagine myself shelling over $100 for a purse, but I know I want to own a nice bag at least.
6) Messenger bag -Yes I'm late to the trend. But I think they're super cute
7) How I Met Your Mother season DVD - I hope I can find this on sale over Thanksgiving
8) Friday Night Lights season DVD - although this is really not necessary because even when it's not on sale, it's only $20
9) Makeup - HA! I always say this but my mind shuts down when I step into Sephora. Someone needs to buy me makeup ... and then put it on my face for me. I'm completely incompetent when it comes to this

Thanksgiving has begun

I'm home! And I'm in that annoying phase where I've arrived but no one is here so I can't do anything and I keep thinking to myself ... why did I come back? But I know I'll be super happy by the end of the weekend so I'll just take this moment to blog.

Driving home during Thanksgiving ... not fun. And I wasn't even driving. When we got out of Berkeley, we ran into some crap traffic at the beginning and it lasted for about two hours. I didn't bring a book, which I wish I did. I also just kept staring out the window, thinking about nothing when I really should have been thinking about how to get started on my Haas essay. Why do I want to do business? Hmm...

Economics midterm was NOT good. I don't think I could have studied any more but when I got the test, for some reason I panicked like crazy and I couldn't concentrate on the questions. Also, the worst thing ever happened - MY PENCIL BROKE. The lead wouldn't come out even though it clicked so I had to screw on the cap, click, unscrew the cap, push down the brass thing holding the lead, push the lead down so only a little was protruding so it wouldn't snap, write, and then repeat the process about ten times. NOT a good testing environment. When I got back to the dorm, I put my pencil down on my table with the thought "I am going to take you to the beach and watch you melt in a bonfire" before getting ready to leave.

This is a really shitty entry. I'm starting to feel EXTREMELY restless from just sitting all day. I would go running but it's pretty late. I have a lot of pent-up energy in me ... I kind of want to punch a wall. Or do jumping jacks. I think I just have to stop sitting at the computer.

I also feel fat because I ate a damn Marie Callendar's Chicken Pot Pie. UGH it was beyond disgusting. I've stopped eating frozen foods, and I could really taste the plastic or preservatives or general frozen foods taste in it. It also burned my tongue, little fucker. It wasn't even completely warm. Fucking microwave oven. I wish I had stopped eating it. It was really not worth it. But it's harder to throw away food at home than it is at school.

Reasons why Berkeley > Home:
1) My mother is not constantly asking "do you want to eat anything? do you want to eat anything?" OMFG I DON'T EAT, OK. If you're going to react happily to my supposed weight loss maybe you should help me out by not trying to cram food down my throat.
2) Cable tv at school. I would be watching The Girls Next Door right now. Sigh
3) I don't remember the exact spellings of the blogs that I read, so now I have nothing to do. No lives to read about. Only my own to write about.
4) The itunes I have on this computer is about 8% of the itunes I have at school. I really want to upload a bunch of songs onto my ipod that I suddenly want to listen to, but they're not HERE. Although, I actually do like listening to this iTunes sometimes, because an old song that I used to love will come on and I'll be like "WHOA! I didn't know this was here!"
5) It's really cold in my room here and I don't have enough blankets. Just about every time I sleep in my bed, I wake up curled up in a little ball, shivering
6) No swimming pool. No elliptical. No boat machine. No treadmill. FOR FOUR DAYS. omg I'm going to go insane.
7) Really annoying version of aim on this computer. I like the old versions, where it was very simple.
8) I'm going to get fat this weekend. I already feel fatter. Which is partly why I would like to punch a wall right now.

I need to do something. Maybe pee.

Me: Do you think I got thinner?
Mom: I DO! I was going to tell you when I first saw you, but I thought it would be awkward to say it in front of your friends
Me: You should have just said it. They would have probably laughed
...
Me: Do you think my skin got better?
Mom: Yes! It is better! And I think you got paler. This time you came back prettier

Thanks mom. I think.

Yes, another post

Somehow, when I think "must study economics" my brain translates that into "must watch tv, read recaps, and surf the web." I went on thetvaddict.com and saw two entries that just distracted me.

First, How I Met Your Mother. HAHA SO GOOD. I can't decide which video clip to put on. HAHA omg this might be my favorite show that's currently on. Let me think about this (runs through all tv shows) ... yes. Because Friday Night Lights has one stupid storyline, I will let How I Met Your Mother take the coveted place of #1 show.

Second, there was a post about which Heroes characters need to die. Which then got me thinking: how would I change the shows I watch? The post I linked is actually very spot on and has exactly what I'm thinking. Only, I'd kill more people.

Heroes: Kill Mohinder for sure. I hate him, he's extremely annoying because he messes with the characters I love, and I don't find him attractive at all, so he can't even earn points in that department. Kill the little girl, Molly because she's not a cute child actor, and if you're not a cute child actor, you shouldn't be on tv. Kill Matt Parkman, even though Greg Grunberg seems really nice. Put him on some other show where he's not ultra-annoying and a big wimp. Kill Peter Petrelli because he's been dragging down the entire Petrelli storyline. Kill that Irish chick he's with too. Obviously, kill the Mexican twins because I'm really tired of reading subtitles. As sad as I am to say this, kill Nikki/Jessica/whoever because even though Ali Larter is kick-ass, her character honestly goes nowhere. I'm pretty sure the writers had no idea what they wanted to do with her character when they started. Kill Wes, because he's really creepy, not cute, and I totally bust up laughing when he tried to dramatically say "Mr. Butler! What are you doing?" which is not the reaction you're supposed to have. Kill Hiro and Ando too, because their storylines go nowhere and Hiro is just really annoying. I can't believe he was nominated for an Emmy. Just because he speaks a foreign language doesn't make him a great actor! Everyone's probably too busy reading the subtitles to realize he is not that great.

This leaves: Claire's family, Elle (LOVE Kristen Bell - she is the only reason I continue to watch this show), Nathan Petrelli and his mom, Sylar (must have a bad guy), Bob (must have a second bad guy where you're not 100% sure whether he's really good or bad), and oh wow there aren't many characters left. As it SHOULD BE. Notice that these are all the characters that have some connection to each other, while everyone else is just RANDOM. *tears out hair*

How I Met Your Mother: AWESOME! Unnecessary to change.

The Hills: Make it less obvious that this show is fake. More Whitney! Less Heidi and Spencer. I wouldn't say kill them off though, because these are real people.

30 Rock: Also awesome. Interesting that my two favorite shows are comedies this year. Usually they're really angsty dramas with a bunch of sex in them.

The Office: No killing off people but ... less Michael I think. Also, less Ryan because he's so unlikable. Needs more interesting Jim/Pam storylines without making some conflict in their relationship. I can't imagine how this would happen though, but if anyone could think of it, it would be the writers of The Office. More Kelly, oh my god I effing love Kelly.

Grey's Anatomy: Sorry, but kill off Izzy. Just kidding. You can't kill someone that pretty. And it would make too much of a ruckus if they killed off George, after the whole Isaiah Washington thing. Just kill their relationship! Somehow. Actually, there is no somehow. There are SO MANY ways to just end the relationship but the writers aren't DOING any of that. Why must they torture me so?

Survivor: I don't think I can watch this anymore. The writing this season was really bad - they haven't really given us a character to root for, and the one the writers seem to like the most is actually really unlikable and seems to be a jackass. Part of me wonders if the writers do this to see if America is smart enough to figure out a person's true personality. And then part of me wonders if the writers are really just that stupid.

OH MY GOD it's 12:40 I have to sleep AHHHHH

Clif Bars are my favorite

I generally don't like things that have gingerbread flavors. I'm not big on holiday seasonal foods, because I don't like the typical flavors that holidays are associated with: peppermint, ginger, caramel, etc. Even so, I could not resist buying TWO Iced Gingerbread seasonal Clif Bars. Look at them! How can you resist them?

They're so cute. It looks so much more feminine, compared to the usual designs. Look at the man stepping on a snowflake! Snow is lifting him into the air!

I just want to gobble them up.

And I did.

Other seasonal flavors are: pear apple strudel and spiced pumpkin pie. There is a discontinued caramel apple cobbler. If anyone knows where grocery stores throw away unsold items, please point me in the direction. Caramel apple cobbler sounds like a real winner to me.

I'm a cereal monster

Oh my god I just ate twice as much cereal as I usually do. The first bowl was because I was hungry and I needed something to do while reading tv recaps. The second bowl was because I thought I only had thismuch milk left. It turns out I had enough for a full meal. I poured out the entire milk carton, and when it passed the point I thought it would reach my mind went "oh fuck... not ... a good idea..." I realize now that the smart thing to do would have been to put the bowl of milk into the fridge. Actually, typing that out, I realize that would have been the really bizarre thing to do. Anyway, I decided "hey, I'm going to read the recap for the Hills and eat another bowl of cereal"

Fast forward to the present, where I'm sitting in my chair and I feel really fat. I can't really gym today because I have so much economics to study for, which I SHOULD HAVE been doing when I was reading tv recaps OF SHOWS I WATCHED YESTERDAY. Also, I EAT SO MUCH CEREAL. I never really know how much cereal I'm eating, because I just fill a bowl with milk and eat cereal accordingly. Well, I just realized that in this two bowl fiasco, I ate 2/3 OF A BAG. TWO-FUCKING-THIRDS.

A little math for your Tuesday:
If there are 15 servings to a box of cereal, and each serving amounts to 120 calories and 6g of sugar, how much have you eaten if you ate 2/3 (or 10 servings) of a box?

A WHOLE FUCKING LOT IS WHAT.

I also sat in my demography class today slowly having a quiet panic attack as I realized how much crap I have to do. I honestly forgot that I had my Haas application to fill out and when I sat down in demography, I suddenly realized, TOMORROW IS WEDNESDAY. The day I said I would finish my essays by. FUCK FUCK.

things i need to worry about before thanksgiving:
economics studying
swimming today
gymming today and tomorrow
laundry
packing

things i need to worry about during thanksgiving:
running everyday
not eating too much
finishing haas essay
comp sci project
taking pictures

things i need to worry about after thanksgiving:
losing pre-holiday weight (the buffer amount of thinness I will attain so when I inevitably gain my holiday weight over December, my first reaction will not be to kill myself)
finishing comp sci project
rcsa stuff
asuc stuff
read economics
try to understand demography
christmas shopping

Economics Progress

ARGH I can't take any more economics. I can tell I've burnt out since Saturday. When I thought it would be a great idea to reread about four weeks worth of reading in three hours. I'm trying to do practice midterms right now, but when I check over my answers, I only pay attention to the ones I got righht, and for the ones I got wrong, I just go "Whatever! This won't be on Wednesday's test." Half of the tests, I did pretty well on. The other two, I would have probably gotten a C in the class.

Must ... concentrate. And not think about how I haven't made any progress on my computer science project or Haas application in the past two days. Also, I didn't even effing swim today because I thought I had a very tight schedule when it turned out that I totally could have swam. And if I had gone swimming, I probably wouldn't feel like I wasted the last five hours of my life. *kicks wall*

Not that I think anyone reads this

But how do people find out who comes to look at their blog? And how do they find out what people wrote in the search engine to find the blog? I always read blogs that don't seem to have any sitemeters but in their entries, they'll say something like "who found my blog by searching for (embarassing phrase)?" I want to find out how to do this too.

And now I've just done one of the things I find really sad in life, which is when a blogger posts a question when no one ever comments on their blog anyway. I always wonder who they think is going to respond.

New blog I found that I find really interesting. When I read the first few entries, I thought I was reading some ditzy 17 year old's blog. Then she posted about a book she was reading and that sort of intrigued me. I eventually realized that the blogger is actually a high school teacher. After reading a bunch of entries where she'll post funny quotes from her students, I'm almost tempted to become a teacher, just so I can have some humor in my life. Almost.

On another note: FUCKKKKK ECON MIDTERM on Wednesday! AGH.

Cooking Extraordinare

I came back from the gym and really wanted to eat an apple. Partly because it's THREE MORE DAYS until I return home, and partly because after exercising, I'm not too hungry. I got an apple and was debating whether to cut it or not. I basically walked in and out of my room with the apple in my hand twice. Because I'm really indecisive that way. I decided that if I cut it, I could study at the same time. So I dug out my yellow Target plates (which I'm convinced was the best investment I've made in my lifte) and the knife I bought from Walmart and headed off to the bathroom sinks.

I haven't cut fruit since summer, and even then, I was never particularly good at it. So I took my knife and got ready to take one big cut, confident that it would cut perfectly in half.

Instead, by the time I've reached the other end of the apple, I've missed the core by about half an inch and now I have one dinky piece of apple with no seeds and one giant piece that will require a lot of manuevering to get the core out. I instantly think "I bet I could blog about this" and continue cutting while thinking about how I would start an entry like that, when I realize ... I've cut my finger.

Good going. I always get these ideas in my head like "if only I had a kitchen I could cook a bunch of fabulous foods and I'll never have to eat out again." Then, when I actually do end up doing anything remotely related to the kitchen, I realize I know nothing about anything. I'm just hoping I don't burn down my apartment next year.

On another note, I'm really tired of studying for economics. I don't know if I burned myself out from yesterday, or if I just really don't want to study. I feel like I'm just wasting my time reading things that I already know, when I could be using my time doing better things. Such as blogging. Or Christmas shopping.

My Friday Night

I'm happy right now even though I didn't do ANY of the school work that I planned to do. Not only that, but my diet has not gone well, seeing as how I ate Papamingo TWICE in ONE day. Papamingo is a version of Pinkberry, only it's supposedly better. I don't remember the taste of Pinkberry at all, so I can't make a judgment. I had it in the afternoon during my office hours, because the guy I work with is freaking nice and bought some for us. Last time he bought fried green tea ice cream thing too and he got like ONE bite and I ate practically the entire thing. It makes me feel really guilty but I'm not used to people NOT eating food. I'm used to my friends eating as they please. People are overly polite I think. Do what you want, people! Or I'm going to walk all over you.

Then I went out to eat with my floormate and she was like "I kind of want Papamingo" and I was like "Do you want to go?" "Ok!" I planned on getting some green tea yogurt ball, which I am guessing is somewhat like a mochi ball. Turns out they didn't have any, and I was really about to turn away and be like "oh it's ok then" but the cashier was like "we do have green tea yogurt though, do you want that?" and I was like "uhh ... uhh ... ok." Delicious, and it doesn't make you feel as fat as ice cream does, but my stomach is DEFINITELY NOT flat tonight.

The hilarious thing is both my floormate friend and I had Papamingo twice in a day. It's really bizarre because I'm fairly close to her now and we are oddly VERY similar except in our food tastes, which are COMPLETELY opposite. She loves mustard, and hates sushi for one. But at the same time, she likes to wake up early (although much earlier than me - she woke up at 5:40 today to go running), and we both completely understand each other about eating/exercising. Basically every time we talk to each other, we run through what we ate the entire day, and we'll both listen and go "hmm that's ok that's ok ... oh yeah probably should not have eaten the donut, yeah." Best exericse/diet partner, seriously.

Then we watched some tv before going to a volleyball game with some other people on the floor. Eek! My first college sport game. I know nothing about volleyball, but I had an idea that you have to play to some amount of points. I was like "maybe they play until 15." *time goes by* "maybe 20 ... or ... 25?" Turns out it's 30. We won the first two sets (look at me using a sporty word) and I was like "ok I guess this is it!" but everyone still stayed and it turns out they have a THIRD set. We won that one too (yay!) but I have no idea what would have happened if we had lost. Would we have had to stay for five sets? Because I was already getting a bit antsy.

I LOVED the volleyball game. It makes me wonder how much more I would love going to a football game. I got a little free pom thingy that you wave around too. It was awesome. We're planning to go to all the games now. For me, I'll go as long as they're free. During the game, I was kind of like "aw now I wish I HAD gone to the UCLA vs. Cal game that time with tmv" even though we lost that game. Oh well.

Tomorrow I seriously have to start studying for economics. It hasn't occured to me yet that Thanksgiving is NEXT week, and consequently, my midterm is on WEDNESDAY. This sounds overachieverish, but I want an A+ in the class. Only because I think I could get it, and I think I'm going to get B's in my other classes so I want to do really well in this prereq. Tomorrow is beginning of SWIMMING SCHEDULE, eating Cheeseboard (omg yum delicious eek!), starting my Haas first essay, finish demography homework, reading comp lit, reading 9 lectures worth of econ lectures, and finishing my computer science website. What a long day tomorrow will be. Thankfully there is no TV on Saturday to distract me.

Salmon and Taquitos

One of the many reasons why I'm convinced I will never have children is that I always thought I'd be too selfish to properly raise a kid. I guess I'm lucky to have really giving parents and to have the view of parents as selfless people. I'm sure other people in the world aren't nearly that lucky. Anyway, my parents always give me whatever I want, and even if they aren't too excited to do it, if I really want it, they'll let me do it. Usually "do it" means "buy it." They always give me the best food on the table, although I wonder if this is also just being Chinese. My mom even claimed that I could date a black guy, if that's who I really love, but I was just asking her for amusement's sake. Her reaction, by the way, was awesome, but I can't write it on a public website.

There are a lot of traits that my mom has that I will make fun of her about, and her usual response is "you know, one day you'll probably be doing the same things too. I used to make fun about my mom about these same things, and now I'm doing them." It's true too. My mom will wear underwear that NEEDS to be thrown out - there's so many holes in them. She said her mom used to do this too, and she'd be like "Ew! Who does that?" Skip forward to me. I decided not to bring any holey underwear to college THIS year, but really, sitting in my cabinet at home are some underwear that can never see the light of day. Luckily for me, we got so many "Victoria Secret Free Panties!" in the mail over the summer that I now have new underwear.

Anyway, today I realized that if I had kids, I might actually not be so selfish. I had a club event today, and it was catered. Delicious food - omg salmon with some sort of spread on something that resembled a bagel chip - BEST THING EVER. I wish I had found out what it really was, so I could make it. There were taquitos and some other mexican appetizers. Really awesome dessert platters, but sadly, they were gone really quickly. *tear* Anyway, I knew I was going to be watching tv with one of my floormates when I got home, so I got some things for her. Last year, when I went to these things, I'd grab something for Chrystal. But today, I realized OMG I'm my mom. Swiping little desserts from work events to bring home. AHHHH

I haven't reached that point where I would give up ANYTHING for my kid though. Like on Friday Night Lights, Kyle Chandler gives up his dream job of coaching college football to go back to his family. I was like "omg WHAT" and I honestly don't get it. It's his DREAM job. And to go back to his family, he has to return to a HIGH SCHOOL coaching position. That is some serious backtracking. Maybe I'm just naive or I just don't know what it means to be in love, but I've always thought, I've spent nearly the past decade trying to make it in college to get the job I want. I don't think I would give up a job I've worked to get just to ... move somewhere to be with someone. Or refuse a promotion because my kid didn't want to leave his/her friends. Oh well, not something I have to worry about.

Instead of working on my Haas app or studying for econ, I spent the last thirty minutes writing this blog. Ingenious ideas by Meltang #45052

Boo post office

I went to mail something today and as I neared the blue box, I wondered if postage was still 39 cents. I bought my own pack of stamps last year when I mailed a birthday card to Regina. I tried to choose the prettiest design, which was actually a bunch of thanksgiving-ish crops. Not pretty at all. I've used very few stamps since then, because there aren't many occasions to mail something and generally, I'm either too busy to write a full letter or I'm about to go home anyway.

Well, good thing I checked, because postage IS up. 41 cents to mail a little envelope. Honestly, 41 cents is not very much in the big scheme of things. If I bought something and realized that I was overcharged by 41 cents, I wouldn't care. But when you have to actually stick a stamp onto an envelope, I'm like oh my gosh, what could this 41 cents be used for? 41 cents is like ... half of a Clif bar on sale. It's like ... one fuji apple at Trader Joe's, not organic. If I'm already paying 41 cents just to mail something, part of me just wants to make it a full out package, to make it seem like I'm getting my money's worth. I'm not sure if that's logical, since I bet packages have higher shipping costs too. Well, it makes sense in my book.

I went grocery shopping today. Exciting! I've realized over the past few shopping trips that there are VERY few foods that you can buy that require no cooking at all. Well, very few foods that I would eat. Which automatically excludes snacks, candies, canned goods, microwaveables, drinks, desserts... Basically I can buy fruit, baked bean curd, bags of spinach, yogurt, and bread. I did buy a package of salmon today. Sashimi. Is it sushi sashimi? Or is sashimi automatically salmon? I'll call it raw salmon. I just hope I don't get food poisoning. I'm the type to buy something and leave it in the fridge for a rather long time before eating it. Considering everything in Berkeley molds like CRAZY if you leave it out, this is not a good trait to have. Tiffany, who I consider the person who knows everything about food, said it would last maybe 1-2 days. So I guess I have my lunch set out for me tomorrow.

Agh! This was supposed to be my first day of massive dieting before Thanksgiving but it turned out be a day where I ate two dinners, one of which was outside Asian (and thus, oily) food. Delicious, and I really don't feel terrible, but I don't have that sense of "I'm extremely hungry but I will go to bed with a flat and slightly empty stomach" feeling that I so enjoy. Once again, I'm convinced that someone out there enjoys messing with me. Every time I'm about to go home, I plan to exercise and diet like crazy the week before. And I'm fairly certain that every time, a bunch of things happen that prevent me from either swimming or exercising altogether. Also, I end up eating a lot more than usual. Bitchass universe.

Things I failed to do today:
Study economics
Complete Haas essay #2
Swim
Not eat

5 things I dislike that the general public loves

1. Baths
I know this supposed to make you feel relaxed, but it's sitting in your own dirty water! I don't think I could bear just sitting in water, doing nothing. I wouldn't read because more often than not, I fall asleep while reading, so I'd end up with a soggy book. You get your skin all wrinkly, and eventually, the water is not going to be warm. It also shows you how much water you waste just to "relax" which would make me feel guilty. If I ever wanted to relax in water, I'd just sit on a stool in the shower.

2. Holidays
Boo holidays, as in the holidays where all the stores and restaurants shut down. Veteran's day was just yesterday, and I really hated that day (even though it was Frances' birthday, Happy Birthday!). I walked over to the dining commons - closed. I walked around the streets looking for a store to shop in - closed. Post office - closed (the one time I ever need to send something, of course). I wanted to eat out that day, but most restaurants - closed. I wasn't even sure if Trader Joe's was open or not, so I went on Sunday instead. And this wasn't even Thanksgiving or Christmas, this was Veteran's Day! I feel like I've been cut off from civilization. And why do they close everything anyway? What are they expecting us to do on our day off? Sit around at home? Blech.

3. Vacations
Kind of like holidays. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up being one of those people who store up vacation days and just get paid for them instead. So much more useful. I can't stand vacations. If I have work to do, it makes me more stressed because I'm constantly thinking about how I can't do any of it. If I don't have work, I end up thinking about what I COULD be doing, if I weren't on vacation. I don't like to travel anyway, at least for pleasure, so it's not like I'm wishing for a trip to Europe or something. I just like to be at home, or preferably at work, where I can make money. I have vacations everyday anyway, when I sit in front of the tv/computer for hours and hours.

4. Souvenirs
Ugh souvenirs. So ugly and so useless and so expensive. I hate little things with the name of some city on them. Which is funny because I have a shot glass collection, but I've stopped buying those. If I ever DID go on a vacation, I'd just take a bunch of pictures but I wouldn't ever buy a souvenir. They're only useful if you go on a LOT of vacations and you buy a LOT of souvenirs and then it becomes kind of cute. Otherwise, it's like a random piece of useless thing sitting around the house.

5. Fresh mountain air
Maybe I've been going to the wrong mountains, but to me, fresh mountain air smells like dusty dryness. Whenever I go to the mountains, I can practically smell the flammability in the air. I feel like at any second, some leaves are going to catch on fire and I'll suddenly be in the middle of a massive wildfire.

In more "and about my day..." news, I recently rewatched a bunch of How I Met Your Mother episodes, which I do randomly. Every time I have one of these little HIMYM marathons, I end up putting two songs on repeat: Nada Surf - Inside of Love and Bloc Party - This Modern Love. Freaking good songs. I read that the first season doesn't seem that great until you watch it again later. It's so true. It's one of those shows that age REALLY well. I think that you end up liking all the characters so much that you feel like you actually know them, so rewatching episodes feels like reminsicing or something. Is it scary to think of fictional characters as real people? It's because I have no friends.Eek! Frances just said "see you next week!" I can't believe Thanksgiving is so soon. Last year, I had a list of home foods to eat weeks before, and I was already planning what to do that weekend. Maybe the novelty of going home is wearing off. Or maybe I just have no sense of time, so I haven't processed the idea of going home. Probably the latter. The bad thing is that I have nothing due before Thanksgiving, so I don't feel the crunch time. I need to finish my Haas application before Thanksgiving, and my comp sci project, even though they're not due then. Self-pressure!

I also need to pressure myself to lose weight. Sometimes I think that I really have lost weight. For sure, I have since the beginning of summer, but I'm not so sure about since the end of summer. Sometimes I feel like maybe I am hallucinating and I haven't lost as much as I really think. I think the last few times I started feeling bad about my body was when someone said some offhand comment. It probably wasn't even a "I think you're still kind of fat" comment but I think it's a mix of my sensitivity about the subject and her not knowing how she sounds when she says certain things. But wow, either my body changes really quickly, or my mind is really powerful because after that, I felt really incredibly fat and I could see it in the mirror.

When I say "I need to lose weight" I actually mean "I would like to tone up" because I know I'm not really that fat. I just want to be lean. Like the side of a cow.

One of my favorite clips of any show ever; also the best use of music EVER

Another reason to stress out in a social setting

I heart Trader Joe's. I don't think I need to list the reasons seeing as how most of the people who read this blog probably love Trader Joe's even more than I do. I went today, and while I really do like the friendly atmosphere of the place, sometimes it comes back in a negative way. Sometimes I just want to go shopping with my iPod and listen to my newly downloaded music. I feel like you can't really do that at Trader Joe's though - I feel even more antisocial and yuppie-ish than I would elsewhere (although I would have absolutely no problem being a yuppie). Also, as I'm standing in line, I end up frantically thinking about how I'm going to talk to the guy ringing me up. At other grocery stores, you don't expect people to make conversation with you. More accurately, you expect everyone to leave you alone. At Trader Joe's though, as the number of people in front of me dwindle, I'm thinking "oh no! I'm getting closer! And he already talked to that woman about that. I can't say that. And that woman already asked him how he's doing today. It'll just repetitive for me to ask him again." Also, I have to make sure I take out my earbuds so I look equally friendly. Only then am I ready to commence this social interaction of buying my freaking groceries.

Then, even the people who go to Trader Joe's kind of stresses me out. They all look so nice, and maybe it's because I'm in the Trader Joe's at Berkeley, or maybe environmental consciousness is really taking off, but seriously, EVERYONE in line had those reusable plastic bags that Trader Joe's sells. Not only that, but everyone in front of me would pack their own bags, while the guy was ringing them up. I, on the other hand, just kind of stood there and he had to get more large paper bags, as though I was the one person using paper bags this entire day. At the time, I felt rude and lazy because I didn't pack my own bag but ... I'm a freaking shopper. I'm not supposed to bag my own bag! I'm supposed to be handing over money and all I have to give is a "thank you have a nice day," not a conversation with some guy as if we were old friends meeting up again. Sigh.

Oh my god, as I was looking for Trader Joe's pictures to post here, I found a mockup of a proposed Trader Joe's on University and MLK. Honestly, I would seriously consider living in this apartment if it did come into fruition. Riding the bus down College Ave really makes you appreciate this area. I think every time I go down College Ave, I'm convinced that I'm going to end up living in Berkeley in the future.
Delicious foods: Trader Joe's Zucchini Date Bread - it makes me want to bake with Connie again. It has cinnamon in it. Delicious cinnamon
Awesome songs: The Perishers - My Own; The Sounds - Tony the Beat; La Rocca - This Life

10 more days until I go home for Thanksgiving. My period cravings have died down, meaning it's time for me to crack down. Shit, I have a flabby stomach again. Good thing for me, I bought a bag of spinach. Spinach, say hello to dinner.

I hate Vince Vaughn

I just watched Wedding Crashers and even though it was only two hours of my life, I feel like I somehow wasted an entire day of my life. It was a really terrible movie, and I vaguely remember it being fairly well liked when it came out. What the hell. I wish I had stopped after the 30 minute mark but I've wanted to see this movie for a fairly long time so I just kept watching. I think after reading so many television recaps where they remark on the ridiculousness of a situation, it makes me much more critical of both movies and tv shows.

I also ate a crap load of food and now I've reached the point where I'm really disgusted with myself. Added to the fact that I haven't exercised yet, AND I have absolutely no idea how to proceed with my demography project, I'm in a pretty bad mood.

Crossroads Breakfasts

As I sit alone in the dining hall during breakfast, I wonder how I look to the people who pass by me or who happen to glance at me in between bites. Today, I brought a book to read with me, so I probably look like the bookish type. I probably seem so immersed in my book, that I've drowned out all the sounds of the dining hall and I'm in my own little world. The book I'm reading is so captivating, maybe it's life-changing. Every few sentences or so, I pop a grape in my mouth, not really thinking about it, as it's more of a mechanical action.

In actuality, the entire time that I'm reading, I'm running through every food they offer in the dining hall and wondering whether I should eat more or not. Donut? They looked appealing when I walked in but now I know that I really don't want them. More grapefruit? Maybe, even though they're not really worth all the cutting and juice squirting onto my glasses and clothes. Bagel? I find it too awkward to rip apart a bagel and only eat half, leaving the other in the bagel bin, so I'd rather just not eat a bagel to avoid the situation. English muffin? Eh, not really. I really want to eat something else, but I don't really want anything here. So I'll just keep reading and maybe I'll get hungry enough again that I'll know what I want.

I keep popping grapes into my mouth, even though I'm convinced they taste kind of ... strange. They should - I don't imagine that a cafeteria washes grapes particularly well. Even more disconcerting is that by the time I've reached the end of my bowl, there's a small puddle of REALLY dirty water, where all the dirt has accumulated. It makes me wonder how much dirt and pesticide I have just consumed. Every grape I eat is accompanied by the thought of "why am I still eating these? I don't know, but I can't stop."

On another note, I went to Rasputin today to look for CDs. Right as I remembered what CD I wanted to look for, I found it! The Perishers - Victorious, used, only $5.95! I'm happy now. Although, I just realized that I didn't get a student discount. The Asian me is going ARGH WTF cashier lady, isn't it kind of obvious I'm a student? but the lazy in me is going whatever, it's like ... $1. The CD is pretty good, so far. It's perfect for today's weather - overcast and scattered drizzles throughout the afternoon.

If I didn't have a project meeting, I'd be at Doe Library, researching for my demography project. As it is, I'm sitting here writing in my blog for no particular reason. Yesterday night, I managed to accomplish a lot of work, so now, I'm just left with three projects and an application. Two projects, I should finish today. One project, I can finish Sunday. Application, I just have to start it. I think this weekend is going to turn out well.

Monthly Mistakes #1

1. Chocolate muffin
2. Tuna melt (I'll allow this but next time, I have to soak up the oil with a napkin)
3. Pint of ice cream (Sometimes I seriously do believe that I could never eat ice cream again in my life, but for some reason yesterday, I ate the whole thing and I never felt guilty about it. I didn't feel sick or icky at all)
4. Banana Nut Clif Bar (I ate it too early in the day)

All in all, actually not that bad. I think I need to change my diet for two days of the month, when I get cravings for everything that I've banned from my life. At least it's something I can anticipate. My stomach did get a little bigger, but I can probably get rid of it before Thanksgiving.

I woke up around 8:30 today. I have a ton of work to do but somehow all I've done today was go to the gym, shower, watch 30 Rock, and watch Grey's Anatomy. I kind of want to walk around Telegraph Ave right now and look into a few stores but ... I have a midterm today and a bunch of projects and things to do. Yet, here I am typing away on my blog.

Also, don't judge me but I listened to Britney's entire album Blackout yesterday. I have to say, not that bad. They all sound kind of the same - run through a voice processor, but honestly, it has all the elements that make up hit songs nowadays. There aren't any soft songs (I initially wrote ballads, but I can't seriously put that word in a sentence about Britney Spears) which was a good move. All the songs are quite danceable. Is it true that it's the #2 album out right now? I don't think that means very much, now that people can just download music from iTunes. But, wow. #2 album. It's like the times in AP English when a group would work for hours and hours on a presentation and end up getting a worse grade than another group who met up and threw a bunch of shit together the night before.

Just as I suspected...

I got my period. I guess if this is how fat I am on my bloated period days, I'm ok with that. Just kidding, that's a lie. I can feel a roll in my stomach as I'm sitting in my chair. Oh god, I have to stop touching it or I'm going to end up not eating anything tomorrow. Although I also wonder if I just got my period because I finally ate some spinach leaves yesterday. I swear, the past few times I've gotten my period, it was always the day after I ate spinach. Not good...

I really need to do some grocery shopping, seeing as how the only vegetables I eat are the single leaves of lettuce in my sandwiches. I also haven't eaten real fruit for the past 3 days. I keep wanting to go to Trader Joe's, but I don't have the time to take the bus there. I also think I might go on a shopping spree and I don't want to have to steal a shopping cart to tow all my groceries home.

So period explains the chocolate muffin I had today. And the tuna melt. I also had a Caterpillar roll at Sushi House around 10:00. It was ok, but not as good as Lion King, although nothing could ever beat a Lion King roll. I had one of Angelica's CA Deluxe, which is just CA roll with a piece of unagi on top, I think. I'll get that next time - it's far cheaper. Caterpillar roll has cucumbers in it, which I think overwhelms the eel. I love eel mmm.

I really enjoyed eating at Sushi House late at night. It felt oddly college-like.

I was at the gym today and this girl sits down on the bike in front of me and she's reading a Woman's Health Magazine. I always have these moments of ... one might call it "clarity." Sometimes I also call it clarity, sometimes I call it lapses of judgment. Basically I realize, hmm maybe I'm trying to attain a level of thinness that just can't be naturally achieved for someone with my body type. Considering all the TV I watch, and how I use a lot of shows as a basis for how I view life, it's extremely likely that my concept of beauty is skewed. So today, I glance at the cover of Woman's Health Magazine, which is this:
And when I first glanced at it, the first thing I thought was "hey, those are the kind of abs I want." Which then made me think, oh my god, if those are the kind of abs I want, and that's what's on the cover of a magazine, that probably means it's unrealistic. I'm not so naive to think that the cover shot, or any of the images in a magazine for that matter, has not had any photoshopping done to it. I know someone has sat at a computer and basically chipped away parts of her body and that the model probably has tons of sculpting cream on her body. Also, when I see health magazines, I usually assume the people on the cover are too extreme. I mean, just look at the Men's Health magazines.(Yes, I realize that's in Spanish. I was surprised to see most of the English Men's Health magazines had covers of clothed men.) Anyway, usually I look at those and think that even guys who work out never look like that. Also, if I saw a guy like that in real life, I wouldn't think he was super hot. Yes, every girl has different views of what is hot, but if I were to date a guy with that body, I'd be scared of being crushed to death with a hug. Also, a body that toned just screams "I'm conceited and stare lovingly into the mirror constantly." You can see it in his eyes.

So then I was just on the elliptical, wondering if I should force myself to accept that I will never get a stomach like that woman. But then I wonder, yes most guys don't have bodies like the one on Men's Health, but don't most women have bodies like that on Women's Health? Am I totally being insane? Maybe I have selective vision, but I think there are tons of girls who are that thin walking around. And NO not just at the gym. But also, I see tons of older women, probably with kids, who have better bodies than I do. I was doing the boat machine which is on the second level of the gym, and I was just looking at this woman who had an insanely toned and fit body. She was maybe 35-40. Looking at her, I wanted to have her body, which was twice as old as mine.

Finally, a story not having to do with these daily ramblings about diet and food. I had been carrying this giant box of club sweatshirts and after I dropped them off, I decided to go to the restroom to wipe the sweat off my body. I pass Li-Ting, saying "I need to use the restroom!" I rush into a bathroom with a wide open door. The following all takes place in about three seconds:

First thought: That's really odd how the door to the restroom would just be open like that
Second thought: Wow this bathroom is really large. I don't remember it being this large
Third thought: Ah, sinks, to my right
Fourth thought: I don't know why, but I'm looking to the left
Fifth thought: A guy peeing at a urinal? That doesn't usually happen in a girl's bathroom
Sixth thought: ... Oh my god, that's because I'm not IN a girl's bathroom
Seventh thought: TURN AROUND TURN AROUND
Eighth thought: ARGH! Why is that guy turning to look at me! Must take larger steps to avoid eye contact with him
Ninth thought: Ok I made it out
Tenth thought: ... And now ... these guys passing by me are giving me wtf looks. They must know that I just exited a men's restroom

HONESTLY, if the door had been CLOSED this would not have happened AT ALL.

So that was my day. I had a lot of grand plans to finish the majority of my work today. I think I managed to do 1/8 of it all.

Warm food and tv

The best part about my demography class is my professor's tangents. They don't completely derail the entire lecture, and they're always funny and story-like. He takes the time to just stand in class and think quietly to himself, and then he'll set up an awesome story with a punchline at the end. I wish I had his storytelling abilities. Today, he told us about the time he was on Jeopardy. The gist of it was, it's ridiculously hard to get onto the show at all. He said he had to take a test, and out of about 300 people, only 8 passed. The test is basically just a video of Alex giving 50 questions once every 10 seconds or so. No rewind, no repeats. INSANE.

Somewhere in the middle of this, he told us about an idea for a game show he has, and if I didn't have so many projects to do, I would totally present it to a tv network. Basically, you have two people and a host who says something like "Your task is: to eat a plate of worms" and the first person goes "Mr. Host, I would eat a plate of worms for $50" and the second person goes "I would eat a plate of worms for $30" and the first person responds "I would eat a plate of worms for $25" and the second person goes "You may eat the plate of worms"

Seriously, as an avid, (and looking at the labels I have in my blog, you can tell I really do mean AVID) tv-watcher, I think this has some serious potential. It has drama, it has people degrading themselves, it has money at stake. Also, in lieu of this writers strike, it's SO much more likely for this idea to get onto the air. Imagine the money you could make from this. Maybe like Deal or No Deal, there can be Maxim models holding up the plate of worms. I would just feel a little sick in my soul, knowing that I was responsible for putting another reality show on the air.

Later in the day, I came home and was deciding between swimming or eating. Problem: I didn't know what to eat. Solution: Just go swim, and then I'll know what to eat. Problem: I really dn't feel like swimming. Solution: Just force yourself to swim. Problem: I delayed so long that in the end I figured there wasn't enough time to swim (although there totally was)

But then I looked at the menu and I mentioned how Cafe3 has a baked potato bar, and at Chrystal's reaction, "OMG A BAKED POTATO BAR *__*" we just went down to eat. All I can say is:

WARM FOOD. OMG YUM.

Seriously, I haven't had warm food in ... possibly two weeks. The food I eat is quite literally just a cycle of cereal, cashew crunch, granola bars, salads, and sandwiches. So when I got a bowl of noodles, I wolfed it down. I wasn't planning on getting a potato, but I did. There was even CHILI. I fucking LOVE chili. It's one of those things that my mom doesn't make, because she either doesn't want to or doesn't know how, so I love to eat it whenever I get the chance. I think I might have gone overboard when I got a second bowl of chili, but I'll just tell myself that it's soup. Really fatty soup. I also got an Oreo Brownie, which I do NOT regret at all because it was DELICIOUS. Brownies are the most disgusting dessert to me (so dry and too chocolately) but this was heaven.
The past few days, I can feel myself growing more discontent because I've been exercising twice a day, but I haven't eaten anything particularly yummy. Every morning, as I sit in class, I dream about what I'm going to eat for lunch. In the end, I end up eating something I did not crave and will never crave, but is fairly healthy. Then at night I end up eating enough cashew crunch that I don't eat a good, complete dinner. Which means the next morning, the cycle repeats because I've been ultra hungry for the past 12 hours. So today, I was like FOR ONE DAY, I am going to just eat this. So far, I'm okay with it. We'll see tomorrow. If it turns out well, maybe I'll revise my diet. Once every two weeks, I'll allow myself something delicious. I'll have little stars in my calendar for those days. Or maybe little drawings of a fat girl.

Another possibility is that I'm just getting my period soon, which would explain the sudden cravings, random mood swings, and slight bloating. Fuck being a girl. Just take all my eggs. I don't plan on using them.

Yum ... not quite

I'm eating one of those packaged salads that I so often get from the campus market. Asian Noodle Salad with Tofu. Noodles, good. Tofu, delicious. So delicious that sometimes I wish that there was just a block of tofu in here and I could chip away at it with a fork. Carrots, good. Sauce, the perfect amount. Bell peppers, ugh but I will eat them since they're healthy. Beans, wtf is this and how do I eat you?

Seriously, they have these ... bean things and I have no idea how I'm supposed to eat them. Usually, foods with such a hard shell mean that you only eat what's inside. Yet, when I peel them open, there's just a few little measly beans, and when you try eating those alone, they're pretty nasty as well. I used to force myself to eat them, but the more I ate them, the more I was convinced that these are pure garnish and no one in their right mind is supposed to eat them.

Something terrible will happen today, I just know it. I'm going to get hungry when class ends at 5, and I'll think to myself "I only ate that salad for lunch... I deserve something delicious. My stomach is pretty flat today" *scarfs down giant lasagna from Gypsys* Fast forward to 9:00 tonight: "OMGGG WHY DID I EAT THAT I HATE MYSELF ARGHHH"

Things I wish I had eaten instead of that salad:
- Chicken Pesto Calzone from Gypsys
- Spaghetti and Meatball from Gypsys
- Lasagna from Gypsys (when I get super hungry, my stomach immediately craves the over-filling Italian food of Gypsys)
- Mushroom steak Hoagie from IB Hoagies

My Dream Job

Realistic: Auditor at a Big4 firm located in SF
Why: It seems like the kind of job I'd actually enjoy, it's a stable market, it pays well, the major involves no science classes, I can travel for business, I like to wear dress shirts, I'd probably respect the people I'm working with
Difficulties: Getting chosen for a first interview, much less an actual position, for a top firm
Possible downfall: I become blind from staring at a computer monitor all day, or I get carpal tunnel syndrome. Considering I'm already practically blind, I really hope eye-swapping surgery becomes more advanced in the next few decades

Unrealistic: Celebrity via acting with an upcoming action movie
Why: By default, this means I'm pretty and thin, I can meet other celebrities, people would read my blog and post "I LOVE YOU, you're awesome" comments, if I were in an action film, I'd have my own personal trainer and consequently, really awesome abs
Difficulties: Lack of acting talent, lack of beauty, too fat for the camera, Asian, inability to memorize lines, unmarketable
Possible downfall: Whoring myself around Hollywood and getting a trashy reputation

Childhood: Architect
Why: I liked my Legos, I liked drawing lines with my ruler, I liked math
Difficulties: Inability to draw, you have to enter architecture programs extremely early in college, never taken a physics class, all the houses I drew as a kid were basically the same thing
Possible downfall: Having a mental breakdown during architecture class when I realize I have absolutely no talent or creativity

Slacker (if something terrible happened and I somehow ended up without a college education): Server at a cute little cafe that serves sandwiches and salads
Why: I can talk to random people, I can get free food, it's more relaxing than a busy restaurant, if a hot person comes in, I can flirt with them and say "this one's on me"
Difficulties: Inability to deal with customers who get angry at me
Possible downfall: Turning to Hooters for better tips

My lack of music is depressing me

I really need new music. I'm in one of those phases where I don't like to hear any of the songs on my iTunes, and none of the unsorted files I've downloaded seem appealing to me. What I want is really upbeat music that I can gym to, but my music is all fairly mellow. I have maybe a few songs that are poppy but you can't listen to them for very long before they become annoying. I tried downloading random rap songs but I didn't like ... any of them. When I don't have music to listen to, I end up thinking more, which often makes me sadder about life. Which is why I need music NOW! So I can be cheered up.

I just ate a bunch of cashew crunch. I don't know ... I can recognize that this is a fairly healthy snack but the fact that they're nuts make me ultra-full. I don't understand WHY I eat them at 11pm at night. I don't know WHY instead of eating a banana or grapes or NOTHING (as I am supposed to be doing past 10pm), I end up opening my bag of cashew crunch.

I'm more apathetic about things that I once loved, but I wouldn't call myself apathetic about life. I think I'm just focusing more on my classes and Haas now, which is a good thing. But, I don't enjoy reading celebrity gossip anymore, I don't really want to bother looking for blogs to read, and I'm starting to find tv recaps as more of a bad distraction rather than pleasurable reading material. I'm also getting annoyed when people IM me. I wish I could be able to just not go on AIM, but then I'd feel like something is missing in my taskbar. Usually I just leave an away, but sometimes I come back and I forget it, and someone IMs me and I'm like "... fuck ... me." It's not that I don't like the people who IM me. The conversations are just so ... uninteresting. They don't go anywhere, the same topics are brought up, and it too closely resembles polite conversation. It's such a waste of time and I just end up getting thrown off my schedule. I now respond to the orange blinking light of an IM box with "god, what now?"

HAHA omg how ironic. Right as I'm about to post this, Alvin ims me, and my initial response is actually "oh! alvin! yay!" HAHA

Things I want to do:
- take back the cashew crunch I chowed down
- explore stores on college ave.
- have my demography project and computer science project magically finished
- read for fun
- start on my haas application

I will never sleep before 12:30 again

Basically I went to bed at midnight last night, about an hour earlier than I usually do. I technically fell asleep sometime around 12:30, after a little for-fun reading. Also, because my mind wasn't as tired as it normally is at night, I ended up having an anxiety attack over what I have/want to do. Because I was already in bed, I couldn't reach a pen or paper and I couldn't write things down, which only made me panic more.

I'm pretty sure I kept tossing and turning the whole night. I woke up around 4:50 and kept moving from side to side until I finally turned on the light and tried boring myself back to sleep with some reading. Instead, I just got more awake and at 5:45 I rolled out of bed.

Now, that's all fine because I really actually enjoy waking up at dawn. Although I wouldn't call 5:00 or even 5:45 dawn, since it's completely dark outside. Anyway, I was totally excited to start work at 6:00am. I was planning on doing some economics reading and some comp lit reading before rolling out and heading over to the gym. Any bets on how this plan turned out?

This is where the day (already 4 hours earlier than I normally start my day) takes a turn for the shit.

After brushing my teeth and everything, I watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy. I pour myself a bowl of cereal EXCEPT I have very little cereal left and I can't get anymore from the campus market since it's closed. Mistake #1: I end up accidentally pouring too much milk, so I decide to use some of my roommate's cereal to finish off the milk I have left. Mistake #2: This is the cereal she bought at the beginning of the school year. Which started in August. I don't know if it went stale or if it originally kind of crappy tasting, but I ended up needing something to erase the taste from my mouth.

Mistake #3: Instead of eating grapes or my banana, as I now realize I SHOULD HAVE, I end up eating about 5 pieces of chocolate. I woke up feeling fairly good about my stomach, but of course now I'm like "OH MY GOD NOOOOOO" and it's ONLY 7 AM.

Although it IS 7am and I think I'll go run around the track today.

I'm still very pissed at myself and now I don't want to do anything. I have a ton of work I've been saving to do for the weekend though, and I have to go to office hours for something I signed up for. ARGH. I HATE THIS WEEKEND ALREADY.

Awkward....

So my English class goes to this poetry reading and we're all sitting in the back of the library in these fold up chairs that have been set up into rows. I'm sitting with my new friend and ...

Me: Do you smell that?
Her: Yeah, it smells like smoke. Ugh
Me: I know! I hate the smell of smoke. Maybe I'm just too used to living in LA, but I'm just really unused to having to smell smoke. It's so gross
Her: Do you think someone is smoking in here?
Me: No, I think someone just smoked outside and walked past us
Girl in front of us: Actually, it's me
Me: Oh ... hahahaha ....
*girl turns back around*
Me (mouthing to friend): OMG ... AWKWARD ...

Totally foot in mouth. In my defense, I didn't smell the smoke anymore so I wouldn't have ever thought the person in front of me was the smoker. Obviously, I would not be saying such things if I had known it was her. This is like that time I went home for Thanksgiving and two people behind me were talking and the conversation went: "yeah, we just got married!" "oh really? how romantic!" "yup" "i got married ___(i forgot) but i would never go to vegas to get married. that's so tacky" "actually, we got married in vegas" "oh...."

I totally forgot that LA has super anti-smoking laws whereas most other cities do not, even those in CA. Having to walk and dodge smoke puffs blowing in my direction is practically enough to make me reconsider whether I would want to live in NorCal or SoCal.

November 1st

The beginning of my "before I return home for Thanksgiving" diet
The day Haas applications come out.

I'm 45 minutes late to the gym because I had to do my telebears (schedule classes for next semester). Looking at the schedule of classes, I was pretty certain I'd get all my classes. Instead, I've been waitlisted for two. I'm hoping I'll get in, considering that sophomores don't usually start taking Haas core classes.

Surprisingly, I looked at the Haas essay questions and I already have an idea of what to write. The one that repeats, "why do you want to do business" came to me when I was sitting in demography. I zone out a lot in that class, but today, my zoning out actually had some productivity. I looked at the question that changes year to year, "if you could pick one person to be a professor at Haas, who would it be" and I thought of one person at first but then I thought of another person and I think I could write about that. So ... now I just have to ... write it.

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror around 1:00 in the afternoon and think to myself "oh wow! I'm actually fairly thin! I'm happy now" and then I realize that I'm probably this thin because I haven't had anything to eat yet, except maybe a banana. And then I am somewhat saddened.

Lady Danville - Tired Magican (my new favorite song! I hope I can find their cd when it comes out. I'd actually buy it)

Ouchhhh

I had a lion king roll for dinner today. It was insanely delicious (as it always is). I also did a few crunches and ab workouts. Right now, my stomach is mysteriously in a lottttt of pain. I'm not sure if it was the lion king roll or the crunches, but I don't want to give up either of them. I'm going to say this stomachache is from mysterious causes.

Haas applications come out supposedly today. It's 12:11 but I can't find it on the website. Maybe this is one of those things that come out some time during the day. In the meantime, I will be thinking to myself, why do I want to do business? Hmm...