Let's just say October 1st is my bday

This is a good article about the economy

And this is a great song

ARGHHH I was supposed to start out my 20th birthday with a REAL stance against sweets. Or at least, against unhealthy eating. Unfortunately, the past three days have consisted of McDonalds Egg Mcmuffin, Tofutti ice cream sandwiches, and a giant slice of cake that Kristen baked for me. Delicious. BUT TERRIBLE FOR ME!

My only comfort is that I swam 100 laps today. The water was disgustingly opaque. On a good day, you can see across the entire pool. Today, I couldn't really see past 1/6 of the pool, and the water was salty. VERY yuck. But at least I had a huge space to myself, so I did not care much.

I get very annoyed with my ESPM class. I told myself after taking that tree class in freshman year that I would never take another ESPM class again. But when you need a breadth course, taking a class about the environment seems a lot more interesting than the other choices out there. But there's just something about the department that annoys me. It's a little ironic that an environmental classs uses SO MUCH paper. The readers are huge and lately, the professor will print out handouts for the class that are just charts of environmental laws. I think that's pretty arrogant of them, to think "this chart is worth printing out." COME ON. Even the ESPM majors are not going to treasure your handout. Looking at my business classes, all of our readings are now electroinc, the presentation slides are posted online, and few teachers ever have handouts. So that's one of the reasons. The other may be that I'm just a pretentious business major.

I am probably going to quit crew. The three practices I skipped because I went home kind of threw me off. I feel kind of awkward returning. I wonder if you are supposed to continue doing something that you don't want to do 75% of the time. Today I was like "Caroline, I'm going to quit crew. I'm just going to run outside and be fit from that" and she was like "You don't even like to run outside!" which is unfortunately true. :( She also said that she had the same love/hate relationship with Cross Country in high school, but she did it anyway. I don't know. The longer I blog, the less likely I will actually wake up at 4:30 tomorrow.

I have been trying to read the news for the past few months, which is daunting since I was the kind of person who NEVER read the news. Even though the news is written for people that aren't that educated, it's still kind of hard to just jump in and suddenly get all the terms. But I'm glad I started before all of this Wall St. craziness happened because I kind of get what's going on! I like being informed about the world. Yesterday for some reason I made jokes about the economy and China's tainted milk and afterwards I was like "wow! I wouldn't have known about usch things before." I also got my voter's ballot today, which was exciting. There's only three things I know on it though - the presidential candidates, prop 8 for gay marriage, and some vote about the ac transit.

My stomach hurts. Is it from the huge amount of cake I just consumed? It was such an unhealthy cake.

So TOMORROW. THE EATING STOPS HERE. HAHA

20th Birthday

It's 1:18 and I'm planning on waking up in like five hours to get ready for PAINTBALLING. But of course I have to BLOG. Here's the few most important takeaways from today's events:

1) Trader Joe's has DISCONTINUED their mud pies!

2) Danny reads all of our blogs. ALL OF THEM. Which is kind of aww

3) Ichima Sushi has a terribly embarassing way of celebrating customers' birthdays

4) Even when you don't think you can eat any more sweets, it's quite possible if people pressure you enough

5) I love my friends!

I'm twenty! Offically now, even though most people were telling me happy birthday for the 27th. HAHA I spent the pre-birthday day shopping (two new AWESOME pairs of jeans - I now think Levi's jeans are the best fit ever) and then friend time! Today was the biggest TMV gathering (plus Erica, Mike, Steven and Kim) since the 3rd annual TMV dinner, which is AMAZING. A few hours before the dinner began, I realized that everyone who could be back WAS back, and I got pretty excited. Thanks to everyone who came back to Arcadia, even though you guys probably JUST went back to school. :) It means a lot to me!

I probably shouldn't have watched Paris Je T'aime at Frannie's house, even though I like the movie. But I think the time would have been better spent just talking. :( I also wish I had taken more group pictures but it was very hard to do so in the parking lot. Other than that,

Everything was awesome! There were a lot of little surprises, like gifts that people didn't have to get! and delicious desserts from Trader Joe's. Will's offer to blaze was very Will-like and I appreciated it. HAHA My birthday was pretty low key but I loved it because it was everyone that I love all together at once! Also, today had news that made me feel so ... ADULT. It's so weird yet exciting.

Ok, I will go open my wonderful gifts now. :) This will be one of the sadder times I leave Arcadia, because I feel like all of our lives are really taking off now and this might be one of the few times we are almost all together in a long time.

THANKS AGAIN TO EVERYONE! I wish I had had more time to talk to everyone personally. When I get back to Berkeley, I will try writing more letters to people but we'll see how that works out. :)

Enough is Enough

It's season premiere time on television, which is one of my favorite times of the year. I know that I spend way too many hours of my life watching television, but I always want more. MORE, damnit! It's very hard for me to quit a show, but I think there are a few that I just have to give up on. They're like the boyfriend (I never had and) cannot break up with. Times started off well and I was surprised by how much I loved the show. They would make me feel emotion, give me something to look forward to in the week, give me something to talk about with my friends. I'd spend my days thinking about it, and when they went on hiatus, I'd feel sad, like I lost a major part of my life. But then there comes a point when you start thinking, "this isn't really quite the same as it used to be ... and I don't really like where any of this is heading."

And the show will disappoint you. You don't laugh as much as you used to or you just stop caring as much. But every time you're JUST ABOUT to say enough is enough, it reels you back in! It'll do something unexpected (Izzie likes George! Derek gets a new girlfriend! Hiro's dad dies! Kristen Bell on Heroes!" or something that reminds you of the old times (Good music! Cristina and Meredith! Hot people! Sylar being kickass!) and you think to yourself "hey, maybe it'll get better if I just wait it out."

But then it'll return to the same level of crap, and in a moment of clarity, you say ENOUGH. You quit watching, and it feels weird at first, like there's a void in an hour of your day. A few weeks will go by, you'll think it's ok. But then you'll hear news about the show. A rumor here or there about what the show is up to.  A new cast member with the show?! A new relationship that has sprung up?! And then suddenly you're finding yourself checking up on it, reading tv recaps and looking at tv sites to see how it's doing. AND THEN. YOU'RE BACK IN. Hook, line, and sinker.

But at a certain point, there's only so much crap I can take. And even if I might miss out on those few seconds of greatness, I'd rather invest my time in something else. So, I'm saying goodbye to Grey's Anatomy and goodbye to Heroes. And if you piss me off, Brothers & Sisters and Dirty Sexy Money, you'll be next too.

20 things

It's not my birthday today, but I felt like starting this post early. I don't really know exactly what I want to accomplish with this post, but you all know how much I love lists, so maybe I'll do that.

20 random things I remember about the last 20 years (in chronological order):

1. Falling asleep to Dumbo on the sofa and getting nightmares

2. Playing hockey with my brother in the living room and getting angry when he didn't let me score a goal

3. Watching I Love Lucy with my grandma as a child even though she didn't know English

4. Helping put up chairs and erase the chalkboard after Chinese school

5. Cleaning Johnston's house for fun and his mom telling me "all these dishes have to be clean, okay?!"

6. Redoing every problem of my AP Calculus homeworks on my living room floor weeks before the AP exam

7. Going through a box of Frances Lo's mom's video tapes and deciding to watch Drop Dead Gorgeous

8. The time I met Alvin and asked him to drive me to the mountains for APES and being very impressed by his driving skills

9. Gathering for group pictures at the last few minutes of filming the TMV music video

10. Being berated by a tall Asian man at Souplantation for having to wait in line, and the couple behind him telling me he was an idiot a little later
11. Danny shooting an air soft gun and puncturing a hole into Frances L's windowshade

12. Greg S. asking Chrystal and me if we were rooming together in Berkeley and us looking at each other with a "... I hadn't thought of that..." look

13. Feeling like I might die from exhaustion during my first Black Friday and sleeping in the food court of Ontario Mills

14. Owen getting stung by a bee in his swimming pool and looking extremely sad and little boy-like

15. Passing out drunk in my bedroom and waking up to a very angry mother

16. Walking to the Arcadia gym at 11pm and having my mom walk me back at midnight because she thought someone might attack me in the .25 miles between the gym and my house

17. Turning in my statistics final and being very happy when my GSI smiled at me and said goodbye

18. Waiting by the bus stop near the Bart station with Angelica and other RCSA people and bonding over never dating anyone and realizing that maybe I'm not so abnoormal

19. Talking to Caroline in the Unit 3 restroom and telling her to take her family to Cafe Durant, which is how we became friends

20. Going to my first Big4 Forum and feeling completely unqualified and unprepared

20 things I hope the next twenty years consists of:

1. Annual dinners with TMV

2. Dinners consisting of salad and fruit

3. Ironed dress shirts and comfortable high heels

4. All my favorite television shows on DVD lined up in rows next to my tv

5. Abs of steel

6. Making hot tea for myself during late nights

7. Taking friends out to eat and taking turns paying the bill

8. Inviting friends over to my apartment to watch football

9. Cleaning my living space thoroughly every Saturday morning

10. Going on dates

11. Driving my surfboard to the beach

12. Throwing my house keys on the kitchen counter after coming home from work

13. Sitting down at a big table with TMV during one of our weddings

14. Eating meals at the counter on a wooden bar stool in front of my laptop

15. Crossing off things on my "to do" list

16. Making friends in unexpected places

17. Some sort of heartbreak that I learn from

18. Sushi

19. Good television

20. Fulfillment

20 random thoughts about life at this age:

1. You don't have to work hard to get far in life. You just have to have connections

2. Sweets are my weakness and I'll never be able to ban them from my life

3. I don't even remember most of the things that used to stress me out

4. But that doesn't mean I should become apathetic about things

5. Being thin is a pretty good step up in life

6. "Don't cry over someone who wouldn't cry for you" - Lauren Conrad

7. Don't bother getting mad over something that probably wouldn't happen again, or if you can't change it

8. I've pretty much done everything I ever seriously wanted to do, which means I'm pretty lucky

9. AHS was a fairly atypical public high school

10. It's better to just buy something expensive and good quality instead of buying crap all the time

11. People judge you constantly. You just shouldn't worry about it all the time

12. Converses are really shitty shoes. And I shouldn't buy things just because they're popular

13. Most people don't know what they're doing in life, even if they sound like they do

14. Waking up at 4:30 is surprisingly easier than it sounds

15. You can't please everyone, but you shouldn't be annoying everyone

16. Eating healthy and keeping fit makes me a much happier person

17.  There's always someone better than you

18. "Some experiences can't be valued by how much you pay for it" - my mom

19. Some people really aren't cut out to have kids, and I'm more certain now that I am one of these people

20. I've led a pretty good life

:) Going home tomorrow. I'm going to try doing homework now. I ate like 1/3 of a really sweet cake today. Plus House of Curries. I feel terrible. I wish I were thin. That's what I'll be wishing for on my birthday. And for Christmas. And for all the subsequent years.

It's an epidemic!

And it's spreading!

With that, I'm off to the gym

Plans to keep myself happy:

Wednesday:

Crew practice > gym > 1 hr of class > finish 101a homework and go to tutoring > do some more hw > play with friends and eat Zachary's pizza > do more hw

Thursday:

Gym > class for five hours > sit around > House of Curries > swim? > watch tv

Friday:

Crew practice > Gym > laundry > 1 hour of class > pack > GO HOME!!!

Quick Note

Note: I'm writing this blog while feeling a little warm and really fat so I am probably more annoyed than I would normally be.

I need to start learning how to put on away messages. A lot of times I will just leave my computer and not bother putting on an away because I hadn't been talking to anyone, and I don't expect anyone to IM me. I'm sure it's annoying to constantly IM someone only to get an idle message. Sorry! But 90% of the time, if I'm there, I'll respond. I'm not doing that "pretending not to be there when I really am" thing that some people do.

Also, I need to either just sign off or put on an away message when I don't feel like talking to anyone. There are a lot of times when it's late at night and I'm on AIM and someone IMs me, which is nice because I'm happy that people still want to talk to me. But an irrational part of me is like "I'M DOING HW. I don't have time to talk about innane things!" But that is stupid because a) how are they supposed to know what I'm doing and b) if I didn't want anyone to IM me, I should not be on AIM anyway. And I hope this blog doesn't deter anyone from IMing me because they think I hate them. It's more of a rant to myself about myself, like I'm telling myself "use away message, idiot!"

But honestly, why would someone be up so late if they WEREN'T doing hw?

I'm going home in a few days! Which means my obligatory "I'M TOO FAT TO GO HOME" entry is due soon. GAH. I wish I weren't eating out every day this week, but I am. I regret yesterday's pizza and turtle brownies fest. I felt satisfyingly thin until yesterday. I woke up today feeling bad, and now I feel 20x worse because I not only ate like 1/5 of a giant Boston Creme Pie, but I watched The Biggest Loser, which made me feel even fatter. ARGH. I really need to exercise my ass off, especially since I will be eating Zachary's Pizza tomorrow and House of Curries on Thursday. Sigh. My mood right now is like annoyed/depressed fat/restless/stressed/annoyed fat. Depressed fat means I'm feeling sad because I feel like I will never be thin. Annoyed fat means I can't believe I have once again been thrown off my diet/food regimen. LSKDJFKLDSLDSFJKLDSF

Missing Out

I think today was like ... the third party I missed out on because I couldn't figure out where the house was. HAHA I'm terrible. I kind of wanted to go too! It was the first crew party, which means partying with lots of white athletes! I walked so far down Ellsworth that I started getting a little nervous. Then I realized I had probably passed the street I was looking for, and I had. When I found the apartment, I forgot the code to open the door, and I hadn't brought my phone so I just left. HAHA And this was after I slept past the time to meet up with other novice girls.

I did almost NOTHING today. WAH. Well I went to crew practice, which was pretty fun. It made me realize how poorly I have been doing the rowing machine these past two years. Finally went to the Strawberry Canyon center, which is where we practice if we don't go to the marina. It's ridiculously far. I would think that walking there qualifies as a workout already.

I'm getting very hungry. Bad hungry, like the kind that makes me want ice cream and donuts. EEK! I still have TONS of canker sores. In the past week, I've had GIANT canker sores in every corner of my mouth. And now I have two on my tongue. I'm hoping they leave by Friday, so I can eat delicious food without caring.

Love Hate

This is Brian's new favorite movie which we watched together. I was really tired and fell asleep halfway, but if I had been fully awake, I know I would have loved it.

I feel like there is some big important blog that I should be posting but I either don't know what it is I want to say, or I don't want to say it. So instead I've made a list.

I love - overcast, foggy days

I hate - sunlight

I love - swimming in a light rain at Spieker Pool

I hate - going into the rsf during a peak hour

I love - the few seconds between leaving my front door and getting into a tmver's car

I hate - going home and sitting around at home

I love - waking up and feeling thin and hungry

I hate - going to sleep feeling fat

I love - the occasional indulgence in sweets when eating out with friends

I hate - the feeling after

I love - looking through people's iTunes

I hate - not being able to hear a song on my iPod when I'm exercising

I love - deleting something off my To Do post-it note

I hate - feeling too tired to accomplish anything productive

I love - planning get-togethers

I hate - people expecting me to plan get-togethers

I love - the moment a plane's wheels leave the runway

I hate - waiting to pick up my luggage from the conveyer belt

I love - planning out the next hour, day, week, year, or decade of my life

I hate - the possibility of unanticipated uncertainty

Ice Cream Sandwiches

I wonder why they don't make more desserts out of the cookie part of an ice cream sandwich. So delicious! I guess it is basically just a small cookie. What else could you make out of it? Maybe you could put fruit in between, like a crepe. Or maybe custard, so it becomes a new substitute for pie crusts. It seems so sad that the cookie is only used for ice cream sandwiches, when it's the best part of the ice cream sandwich!

I am clearly very hungry. I already ate a tofutti ice cream sandwich against better judgment. Time for accounting homework, then a good swim at the rsf. Then I have to reprioritize my life and figure out what I want to do for the rest of the year and how I want to accomplish my goals. So basically a regular Thursday night.

Girl Hits Bird with car, freaks out

I feel like every day I wake up, go to nytimes.com, and some other company is in major trouble. I'm very glad I never wanted to be an investment banker.

This weekend I absolutely MUST catch up with work. I think I might not pursue crew this year, primarily because of the cost. :( I hope I don't regret leaving it. It seems kind of dumb to not do something expensive when I can pay for it. But just knowing that it costs $1,200 a year kind of dampens the excitement I have for it. At least I can say I've rowed before. Sigh. I'll decide for sure by tomorrow. I just hope tomorrow's 6am run on the Fire Trail doesn't influence my decision.

I'm looking forward to this weekend, which is when I presumably will catch up with all my work and return to school on Monday smarter than ever before! And then NEXT weekend is my birthday! And then I will look forward to winter break. :D Plans are already in motion!

Account of my day

Goal for the day:

Wake up. Stay up. Sleep at a regular time

3:54 - Wtf. Why am I up half an hour before I'm supposed to wake up?

4:26 - I guess I might as well wake up now

Crew practice! I actually got to go on the 8s today. I was #5, which makes me at the stern, starboard side. Our coach gave us the option of choosing which side to sit on, but I didn't know which was which so she just assigned me. Turns out that I love being #5! I like how #5 sets the boat and how I'm not at the end, so I don't usually have to set the stroke.

There was one girl who did not know how to set the boat, which means balancing the boat. If you're on starboard side, that means you keep your oar flat on the water. She was totally not paying attention and would keep lifting her oar up, and I felt like the boat was about to tip over. The girl behind me started going "set the boat! Set the boat!" but very softly so I thought she was referring to me. When we finally got off, I was like "were you talking to me? Because I thought I was setting it" and she was like "oh no, I meant that girl in the front." So we bonded over how terrified we were of flipping over. SERIOUSLY that girl needs to LEARN.

7:15 - Got back home. I check my e-mail and realize that there is homework due in accounting. I'm borrowing a friend's old textbook, so I have to periodically go to the library and copy the homework problems. It saves me $180, but it also costs me like half an hour every week when I have to type out the problems.

7:50 - I get to the Haas Library, which is where I started this blog. I guess I just used up five of my minutes. Time to start this damn homework. I have class at 10, so I want to type out as many weeks of homwork as I can, and then head off to class. I hope I don't fall asleep. I'm excited to be able to listen to the eight cds I bought over the weekend. So far, I really like my Stefy and Kevin Devine cd, and Heather Nova was a disappointment.

8:24 - My hands hurt a lot from typing. I am already sleepy

9:04 - I finished typing up the next month's worth of hw. Sigh

9:56 - FINE. I took a twenty minute nap. I didn't even feel like it did anything. Off to class

1:34 - I got off of class at 11:00, and I don't know HOW I managed to not do ANY work. In the two hours since, I did a bunch of little things. Like deleting old e-mails, selling some sweatshirts, buying my plane ticket for winter break, and eating. Now I have thirty minutes before I have to do interviews for my club. ARGH. I just want to call up everyone and be like "NEVER MIND. YOU'RE IN IT. NO INTERVIEW REQUIRED." I also don't know why I keep typing this since the whole point was to chronicle my day of waking up at 4:30 and never napping. However, I napped about five hours after I woke up. SO WHAT IS THE POINT?! I just chewed part of a grape stem. How smart of me.

5:42 - I'm very tired. I got back from interviews a little while ago. Came home and ate toast with cheese and some chinese bun thing. I just want to sleep. But I must either a) swim b) do hw c) watch a football game at Caroline's. My back kind of hurts ... maybe rowing is working its magic. Or maybe I'm just old. I WISH I COULD SLEEP BUT MY TO DO LIST TELLS ME OTHERWISE

8:39 - ARGH I just came back from swimming and only did 30 minutes/60 laps. LKDFKLJDSF My body is so tired now, I don't even know why. I ate dinner with Chrystal yesterday and I don't know how it came up, but she was telling me how she told a friend I joined crew and the person was like "that's intense. Your friend is going to hate it" and Chrystal was like "I don't think so! She likes to wake up early and she goes to the gym twice a day" (which is not so true anymore). And the friend was like "wow she must be really fit" and Chrystal said "actually, not really" and she was like "what?! How can she exercise so much and not be fit?" and Chrystal was like "I don't know!"

That is the conversation Chrystal told me, more or less. Oh, I realize now this conversation came about because I was talking about how terrible I was at football. Well, after her story, I have since been wondering all day why I am so fat despite working out. I feel like I don't really eat that much ... and if everyone says "just walk 30 minutes day!" then you'd think my walking around campus PLUS working out would be more than enough. I don't know. I'm getting very disheartened about all my efforts.

9:37 - Ok, I was supposed to do hw an hour ago. I ended up talking to someone online, but that was worth it. Then I ended up looking for youtube videos of Veronica Mars, and now Caroline just called me and I guess I'm going to go over, eat her cinnamon cake, and watch sportscenter with her. So ... I think this is going to be my day. Yay ...

Goal of the day, analyzed:

Wake up - success

Stay up - fail. Two naps, one 20 minute nap and one 40 minute nap

Sleep at a regular time - fail. Considering it's 9:40 pm, I've done virtually no homework, and I'm about go out and play.

HAH

Something amusing

I played football with my friends today. For a long time, so long that I have since given up and forgotten about wanting this, I have wanted to play sports with TMV. But we are not that kind of group. It's fine, I don't mind - our group does just fine eating day and night and being inactive. So I play with my college friends. Either I'm incredibly unfit or mostly unfit and extremely uninspired. I hope one day I am not such an embarassment to the game of football. My greatest contribution today was throwing myself into Joe in an attempt to block. A gray-haired lady sitting with her dog burst out laughing. At least I have brought humor into this world.

Two Parties

I'm FREAKING tired but I'm tired of always seeing the same post when I look at my blog, so I'm going to post. Today I woke up early to go to crew practice but we freaking didn't have enough drivers so after sitting around for half an hour, I went home. Then I went to the gym. Then I cleaned my apartment. Which:

I AM PRETTY DISGUSTED to have had to clean URINE off the toilet bowl. It is for sure not MY urine because as a woman, I sit on the seat. But I can't really go up to either guy and be like WHO FUCKING PEED ON THE TOILET because it might not even be theirs. UGH! Otherwise, I don't really mind cleaning the other things.

Then I ... ate with my niece! HAHA she was wearing boots and I made her walk from my apartment to Gregoire's, on north side. She really liked it though, and had never been there so yay! Every time we eat together, we always say "OMG WE HAVE TO EAT HERE AND HERE AND HERE" and when we finally DO get together, it's always like "uhh... where are we going? I don't know. Let's just go to Asian Ghetto" HAHA so right now I'm going to my yelp account and bookmarking stuff.

Went home and attempted to study but ended up napping on my couch. I woke up and felt terrible. HAHA But then I called Paulo and I was ABOUT to go over to his place, but decided to check Rasputin for movies. I told him I would take at most half an hour - I think I ended up staying in there for like 90 minutes. HEHEHE I spent $18.11 on eight cds and a Wicker Park dvd. I REALLY wish that Schuyler Fisk and Lady Danville would come out with a real CD, but they haven't, so I just keep playing their myspace player. I'm SO CRUSHED that I can't go to Schuyler Fisk's concert! It just happens to be during the weekend I'm going down to SoCal, except I have to be 21 to get in! The Hotel Cafe seems to have a very impressive music schedule - I hope to go there when I'm of age :(

When I finally bought everything I wanted, I walked to Paulo's. Watched some youtube with friends and then ate the DELICIOUS pasta that Paulo and Brian made. MMM so good. It is Filipino I think. It had ground beef, tomato sauce, mushrooms, hot dogs, and ketchup. Once last year Paulo went home and brought back some especially for me, and I thought it was amazing. I kind of want to try making it. We spent the dinner talking about things which was very fun. Brian left to go to a party but Paulo and I watched Friends. Now I want the complete series! It comes in a very cool dvd box where the dvds are arranged in a way that shows how each character aged each year. It's pretty cool to go through.

Then we met up with Brian to go to a party. It was gross and humid and hot. My glasses immediately fogged up when I was like three feet from the door. I could not really stand to drink the alcohol and the party was SOOOO ... ASIAN. I felt like it was a high school party. We left to go to a co-op that Brian loves to go to. Before going in, he was like "please don't judge me." So it was somewhat a warning.

The co-op was the MOST BIZARRE THING EVER. Especially after coming out of a houseparty full of asians. Here, it was ALL white people, very hippie like, a lot of them close to naked, a lot of them seemed gay. IT WAS SOOO WEIRD. Paulo was very uncomfortable, but oddly I felt more comfortable there than the Asian party. Paulo and I left pretty quickly and we were talking about it. And I guess he said something that made me realize why I like white people so much and why I feel so uncomfortable around a lot of Asians.

Asians JUDGE. I guess I didn't REALLY notice this until I went to these two parties back to back, but it's so true! When I went to the Asian party it felt like the second I stepped in, everyone is looking at you and sizing you up and comparing you. And this is so true in like EVERY situation with a group of Asians. But at the co-op, people just don't care and either just glance at you or just carry on with their lives.

Something is wrong with my stupid laptop and there is no sound playing. I will solve this problem by going to sleep. OMGGG I have so much work tomorrow but instead I will be playing football and having a picnic on Memorial Glade with friends. RAHHHHHH I FEEL MY GPA DROPPING AS I TYPE!

The Biggest Loser

Also, I lied. Freaking NY Times had a link to a show on Hulu, which led me see an ad for The Biggest Loser, which led me to watch part of the season premiere (airing September 16th). NEVER MIND my last post! I WILL watch The Biggest Loser! The episode I watched was about 46 minutes and I think I had teary eyes for about 20 of those minutes.

It expires in five days! Watch it now!



I just hung out with Alvin and Jackie, and before that, a bunch of my floormates came over to eat dinner. What a cute day! I also went grocery shopping with Jon and Brian. This was supposed to be my STUDY HARD year, but instead I think it's becoming another social year.

Ummmmmm

This year is not starting out too well. I haven't exercised as much as I wanted and I don't cook very well. I am rice-less, and until then, I have no motivation to make anything. I feel like having to cook for myself is going to turn me into a pescatarian, only because salmon is so easy to make. I don't understand how people come up with the craziest things to eat. Because I'm concerned of eating BAD THINGS the only thing I can think of making is spinach, carrots, and fruit. I need to buy some nice cooking supplies, like a measuring cup, a loaf pan, and cookie sheets. I've held off on buying these because they are baking supplies, and I didn't want to give myself another reason to eat sweets. But I guess I could use a loaf pan for lasagna, and cookie sheets to warm up bread.

My mouth is in TONS of pain - I think my wisdom tooth is growing out, but even if I'm going home for my birthday, I don't want to go to the dentist them. I'm supposed to eat on that weekend! And then I also have a ton of canker sores. Argh my life!

My schoolwork is pretty terrible too. I'm already kind of behind on one class because I have no idea what's going on. SIGH SIGH SIGH.

Blogger time (edited at 10:30pm)

I have tons to write about! I really wanted to write yesterday night but I had to wake up INCREDIBLY early so I held off on it. I was in my tired state too, so that should have made for an interesting blog. But this will have to do.

- Pismo Beach Retreat
I freaking LOVE Pismo Beach. It is the place that I would want go to for weekend vacations. I didn't realize how close it is to LA - I wish TMV would go! But I don't really feel like pushing a beach house rental on them because I don't know how many people would do it and a ski cabin seems to be more worth it. The house we stayed at was nicely decorated. I would kind of want to decorate my future apartment the way they did - the walls were nice paint colors and everything was so CLEAN and NEW looking! I love houses that have a garage on the first floor and then you walk up to your living room/kitchen and then you walk up to your bedroom! I would totally want that. Also, the weather there is my FAVORITE weather ever - fog all day! So wonderful. The beach is much more isolated than the other SoCal beaches we frequent, and there are SURFERS!

The food was not as great as my officer's retreat but whatever. The first night I felt a little more anti-social so I just went upstairs instead of drinking. I was planning on going to sleep but then I saw an empty bedroom with a TV! So I started browsing channels and somehow got sucked into THE BIGGEST LOSER.

So the Biggest Loser is a pretty addicting show. At least for someone like me, who kind of likes reality shows and LOVES to see how people exercise. I've heard about this show but never bothered to watch it, and now that I've seen two episodes, I'm ordering myself never to watch another episode again. It's a well-produced show, but I know it's TERRIBLE for me - so terrible that I am going to cut myself off from it. This is the same principle I use for Nutella - I've never had Nutella plain, because I am certain that if I ever did, I would end up eating jars of it for dinner.

So The Biggest Loser if you didn't know is a reality show where they pick obese people and stick them in this competition of who can lose the most weight. You win $50,000 I think, but MOST IMPORTANTLY you gain a healthier body and self-esteem. They have doctors and trainers, one of which would probably make me cry. Her name is Julliene (sp?) and she says things like "Don't you DARE walk. Just try it. I'll make you run, I swear" and this is at a point when people are saying things like "I'm about to fall off!" I also notice that some of the things they make the contestants do are beyond my own capabilities. For one, there is no way I would ever attempt to run at 10 mph on a treadmill because I'd just fly off.

BUT why it's evil: the show is just a giant ad for tons of shit! 24 Hour Fitness is written everywhere and I hear that they advertise a bunch of "healthy" foods. So knowing me, I'd probably see them advertise some sort of oatmeal and rush out to buy a Costco-sized box of it. But, the good thing is that show is VERY inspirational. As I watched them exercise, I just started doing crunches too.

The second night was much more fun for me. I was the DJ for the night! Which was SO fun to do because then I wasn't obligated to dance, I could just sit at a chair, and I LOVE choosing music to play. I also didn't really have to drink, and the little that I had didn't do much to me. A lot of people would come by and say that I was a good DJ, which made me SUPER happy. :D It was more fun with this group because they liked listening to old 90's music and some actual oldies because they could sing to it. The only time I actually felt really terrified of pissing off the crowd was when I was told to play the Cha Cha Salsa, and I had never heard the actual song before - I've just heard people sing it. So when there was a lull in the middle, I just switched the song and EVERYONE got SUPER pissed because they hadn't gotten to do the "throw your hands up and clap!" part which is understandably the best part. Everyone was like "WHAT?!?!" but then the beginning notes of Journey's - Don't Stop Believing came on and everyone was like "OMG YEAHHHHH!" so I was saved from an angry drunken mob.

- Cooking a REAL meal
My friend Brian came over last night and we studied a little before going to Trader Joe's. I didn't realize that planning to do something at 5:30 meant eating dinner which led to "OH we're eating dinner together?!" "I THOUGHT that was IMPLIED, Melissa" AHAH So now I know. So yesterday Brian helped me make MY FIRST MEAL EVER! He accurately predicted that we would eat at 9:30, because the damn bus never came. I think we waited like 30 minutes for the 51. Shopping on Sunday also really sucks because everything is gone and they don't have anything in the stockroom. Brian is a really good cook and we made:
- Salmon with miso sauce and a lime
- Pasta with tomato sauce, mushroom, onions, and chicken
- Corn
- Red wine

SO GOOD! I was super happy to actually eat A MEAL! In my kitchen! Honestly, Brian did most of the work, at least all the stuff on the stove which is the thing that I don't really know how to do. But he was very nice about giving me tips (a little oil when boiling pasta) and letting me do things to make me feel like I was contributing. HAHA

- First Practice
So the reason I had to wake up early today, 4:30AM EARLY to be exact, was because today was the first morning crew practice! We have it M, W, F, Sa and we meet at 5:00. I actually ended up waking up at 4:00 and just doing light dozing so I wouldn't miss my alarm. When I was getting up I felt terrible but by the time I brushed my teeth, I was pretty excited. The good thing is that it's so early that you're not even hungry for food so there's no need to eat breakfast. We carpooled to the marina and then actually got on a boat to row :D I think most of the people had gone to afternoon practice so they at least knew how to do the strokes. I had class/wasn't able to so I was like kind of like ... what ... but I think most people were still starting off at the same level. I thought it was pretty fun, although next time I am going to wear a sweatshirt because it was FREEZING. We got back at 7:30ish and I ate half a bagel and tried doing some things before I succumbed to my tiredness and just went to sleep for an hour. Got up for my accounting class, then came back and hung out with Brian. SO YAY! First practice! I hope I get much better at rowing otherwise I will feel really sad about myself and probably just quit. Now I can cross something off my Berkeley Bucket List

Which reminds me, for some reason at Pismo Beach, the idea of bucket lists came up. A lot of Berkeley people were seniors so they were discussing all the things they want to do before they graduate. I have a list (on the right!) but I always thought of it as "things to do" rather than "bucket list." Why have a fancy name for it? And people would think of a few things, and then be like "help me think of more!" which I don't get because I don't think it really belongs on the list if it's not something you REALLY want to do, in which case it should come to you pretty easily! It's interesting that a lot of people shared the same things. I guess for Berkeley specifically I would want to:

- Eat at Chez Panisse (HOPEFULLY when I get an internship offer! Or maybe a full-time job offer would be more appropriate)
- Eat at that Ethiopian restaurant on Telegraph (I think I'll plan this for next week)
- Take all the buses (mainly the 7 and 52L)
- Explore past the Rockridge Bart Station on College Ave.
- Explore the restaurants further south on Telegraph, past the shadier parts of town
- Go on a date
- Go to a concert in the Greek Theater
- Attend a football game
- Do the Hammer time dance at a party (somewhat jk)


That's about it. I am feeling very terrible right now because I unintentionally stood up a guy. I think he's pretty pissed. AHHH *cries*

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Edit:

I TOTALLY forgot but I also started this craz for an AMAZING combination of really thin pancakes, Trader Joe's Midnight Moo, and a scoop of cookies n cream ice cream. Most delicious thing EVER. I ate like seven pancakes yesterday and I didn't even feel too guilty.

Also, jogging on the beach is just as fun and carefree as it seems

Sitting around at the gym

My Comcast is down for some unknown reason. I just came home to find that I had been kicked off, only this time, I wasn't able to reconnect. I get really pissed off at the idea that I pay so much for Comcast but it's still unreliable. Why is it that in Arcadia, I have absolutely zero problems with my internet, but when I come to Berkeley, people act like getting disconnected or terrible service is something to be expected? I get unreasonably angry when technology fails me, and I'm getting older which means I'm probably more prone to pick up the phone and just start cursing at the poor, unfortunate person who works for whatever company has angered me so.

So instead, I took my laptop to the gym. I only swam 30 minutes today, but my body was oddly incredibly tired. I feel kind of loserish to be blogging at the gym. It's pretty clear what I'm doing. Tomorrow I'm going on another RCSA retreat, this time to Pismo Beach. Pismo Beach is amazing - after going last year, I've always wanted to rent a beach house with TMV. But after asking a few people, most people say they'd rather spend money on a ski cabin or something. I really didn't want to go to this retreat, but now that my internet is down, I guess it's good that I won't be in my apartment all weekend. I just have to go home and study everything.

I feel like I'm very behind in my coursework. I already don't understand microeconomics. My GSI has an Indian accent, and for an entire lecture I thought he was talking about "intelligence curves" and I was confused as to why there would be intelligence curves in Economics. A week later my professor gave a lecture and I realized that I had actually been learning about "indifference curves." I couldn't tell you what these are though - I know how to draw them, but I have no idea what they are used for ... which is probably something I should learn soon.

I have yet to make a REAL, REAL meal. I'll ... wait until another day. ARGH! I was supposed to go to 99 Ranch by today - they are selling 2 bags of rice for $25. My apartment mate said he would take me ... but he did not. I forgot myself, but I can tell that he forgot too. He is very unreliable. He's ... okay. But he also said that he had a lot of problems with his apartmentmates last year, and I kind of think that he's not completely innocent from fault. He has a lot of annoying habits, but they might only be annoying to me because I'm a control freak and I like things done in a timely manner. Also, now I understand why my mom would get so pissed off when she came home, said hello, and no one said anything.

I feel like there is ... something important I want to blog about but every time I sit down to blog, I don't know what it is.

I really want it to be my birthday so I can go home. This year is going to go by painfully slowly, because I'm already in the mindset that I'm a senior. I keep imagining what I want to do in my last year at school, so it'll surprise me when the year ends and I realize ... I'm a JUNIOR! I've planned out the next two semesters and as long as I get all the classes I want, then my graduation plan will go smoothly. I really hope none of my classes conflict or else I'm really fucked. If I had thought about graduating early, I would have taken two additional classes in the summer (making four total, meaning my summer would have been HELL), and then I would be able to take more classes now, leaving my last year more flexible. Alas, I didn't think I would want to graduate early, so whatever.

I think I will go back to my apartment now. I'm very reluctant because I don't want to go home, just to realize that I need to look for something on the web. The world needs free wireless internet. Like in S. Korea, I think.

I registered to vote but my thing hasn't come in the mail yet and it said 7-10 days. I also sent in my broken camera to Canon but I haven't heard anything yet. I hope some fucker didn't break into my envelope. There are a lot of headlines praising Palin and they were all written in a way that made me watch her speech. I only watched 2/5 though, and then I got really tired and just stopped. But I never watch ANYTHING political, so that's pretty good. But I wonder how many of the news outlets I use are owned by News Corp, which has more of a right slant.

This is such a random collection of thoughts. I keep staring at people in the reflection of the window. I would like to go home and eat a greasy sandwich. But instead, I think I will wash myself a plate of spinach and cut a pear for myself.

Last thought! Brian is coming to the gym so I have to entertain myself until he gets here. Then I will say hello to him, then leave. HAHA So I am thinking of joining the crew team here. I went to the info meeting and I have intended to go to practices but somehow I have not. Today I even dressed up for it, but I couldn't freaking find it! I now realize that if I had just tried a little harder, I would have found the place. But it was hot and at a certain point I was like "eh I'm just going to walk to Caroline's place." The info meeting was filled with thin white girls ... so it was kind of intimidating. But the girls on the team all look extremely nice and more importantly, EXTREMELY FIT AND PROPORTIONAL! If I can get a body like theirs, I would be incredibly happy. It is like my only goal in life, besides making a living and buying awesome things. They all have good tans too. And wear makeup very well. Maybe I can get makeup tips from them one day. So I really do plan to go to practices. Unfortunately the next ones are morning practices at FIVE AM IN THE MORNING. So in the next three days I have to wake up increasingly earlier and earlier until I get used to it. I already know I will fail.

But yes! This was one of the things I wanted to do in college. Other than join Crew and Get into Haas, I don't think there was anything else.

Somehow this blog entry turned SUPER LONG. I don't know what happened. It was quite short before. Cool points if you read all of this! Although I guess you might be bored and sitting at home, which would explain it.

My mother and I

Is that correct grammar? I don't know. I talked to my mom for about two hours today, broken up into two conversations. People have said lately that I seem to get along with my mom a lot better now. I always thought I had an ok relationship with her, but I do notice that I'm much nicer to her and even talk to her if my friends are present, whereas before I would have been like "I'm busy! Call you later!" After this summer I guess I appreciate her more because I would call her when I was bored and lonely. Then I had friends again and I brushed her off a little but now we have good conversations again. She is very busy with her new job so now I kind of realize how much I took for granted that I could call her whenever and expect her to answer. Her life now kind of reminds me of those stereotypical working moms on television where they're like "I'll call you back later! Mommy has to work!" We are both very busy on weekdays I guess and she goes to sleep at 10pm whereas I don't even think of calling her until 11pm. Now we just cram all our conversations into the weekend.

Today's topic of dicussion was how my cousin who just went back to Taiwan apparently kept saying that I was very close to my mom and she wished that she could talk so much to her mom. I thought that was a little weird at first, but I guess I did talk to my mom for long periods this summer. It's a little funny that someone out there wishes they had the relationship I have with my mom.

Convo from today:

Mom: Are you going to throw a birthday party for yourself?
Me: I don't know ... I don't really enjoy throwing parties
Mom: Oh ... then maybe one of your friends will throw one for you
Me: I don't think that happens in college. You have to do it yourself
Mom: Oh really?
Me: You know that parties mean drinking right?
Mom: Drinking? That sounds like a very wild party. Your friends are not even 21 yet
Me: You are very naive
Mom: Yes I know

Me: I was thinking that maybe we could go on a trip together in the semester that I graduate early
Mom: That would be fun! But would you want to travel with me again?
Me: Oh yeah huh? I guess I would not want to. But I like you more now so it will be ok

My meals today consisted of red bean toast, fruit, chocolate with almonds, and mooncake. It's a mix of healthy and terribly fattening.

School tomorrow! I should shower now.