I'm inspired to rant

I previously started two different entries and deleted them before I was ever done. I really shouldn't try to blog or do homework or anything when the tv is on. I get distracted and I stop typing and when I look at it, I think it's stupid to post. Thursdays are such a pain. How am I supposed to choose between Survivor, Ugly Betty, and 30 Rock? They're all completely different shows so it's hard to compare them. I ended up realizing that I never got addicted to Ugly Betty, so there's no reason to force myself to watch it. I can easily decide not to watch Survivor, but I saw a few minutes today and it was pretty addicting. Then 30 Rock came on, and 30 Rock >> Survivor. I actually laughed out loud several times. More than for The Office, although 15 minutes into The Office, I just wanted it to be over so I could get started on "homework"



My reason for ranting: Why can't I stop myself from eating?! Honestly, I KNOW that I'll be more unhappy eating something than I would be not eating it. If anything, it would probably make me even happier to know that I resisted eating something I was craving. This is what went down

Stomach: I'm hungry... it's 11:30 and you ate dinner at 5:00
Brain: We ate at 5:00 because you wanted to chow down on a tuna sandwich since noon. And you were completely stuffed afterwards. You're not allowed to eat anymore today
Stomach: But that was so long ago! I want a Clif Bar
Brain: You can't eat a Clif Bar. It has tons of sugar in it, and it'll probably keep you awake at night
Stomach: Exactly! Then you can continue studying! You can't study without food. You'll tire out and just go to bed
Brain: NO. It's 11:30! You're not allowed to eat food after 10:00. Also, you have to look super thin tomorrow because you will be wearing a long-sleeve sweater with horizontal lines that will cling to your stomach. And horizontal lines make you look even fatter. And you're going to a party at night. You can't go to a party if you're not perfectly flat.
Stomach: Fine. No Clif Bar then.
Brain: Good. I'm glad we came to an understanding
Hands: OMG A CLIF BAR
Brain: AGHHHHHHHHHH
Mouth: yum.

Wow, that was fun. Now I know why the ladies on gofugyourself make all those long dialogues that I never read.

I think the reason I've been slightly more lenient over what I eat is because I don't have a formal set of rules. Or a goal. Also, I think that if you tell yourself you're not allowed to do something, it'll just make you want to do it more.

I really want a picture of someone whose body I want so I have a set goal, as opposed to what I currently do which is "you're fatter than yesterday" or "you're almost the size you were in the summer." But I can't think of anyone whose body I could realistically achieve. Yes, even I am not so naive as to think that I can become a super thin hot girl. So that pretty much eliminates any female in Hollywood.

There was this hilarious line on 30 Rock where one of the actresses on the show gains weight (I actually laughed when the camera drew back and I saw her in an obvious fat suit) and Alec Baldwin who plays this executive on NBC says something like "She'll have to either lose 30 pounds or gain 60. Anything in between has no place on television" which is SOOO true. There's never anyone who's like ... just a little bit overweight, because then she'd be pressured to lose weight until she's normal. And I've noticed that all the larger actresses on TV (this doesn't apply to males) always have pointy faces, which give them the impression of being thin. I think it's because then when the camera focuses on their face, they still don't seem fat, which would be unappealing to look at. But when you focus on the entire body, it's not that big of a deal.

I've ended up talking to Chrystal for the past hour. She's very tired and doesn't sleep or eat very much, so now every night we talk about the most ridiculous things and it's like the most hilarious thing ever. I feel like we're both on drugs or something. Anyway, I didn't really finish what I had to say, but I have so many posts about my fatness that I'm sure it doesn't matter. I leave you with one of many pictures she drew for me in her insane state