I have nothing to do

I wrote a fairly long post earlier and then I decided to trash it. I honestly feel like I have nothing to write about. Most of my midterms are over, I have one tomorrow but I've finished studying for that one, and I wasn't studying very much to begin with anyway. I'm far less stressed than I was last year. I don't know if it's because I chilled out over the summer or if my classes are just easier or if I just was just a big stress freak last year. But, now I have a lot of idle time which I HATE. Whenever I have a day where I don't do very much, I just start to panic because

1. I think I must have forgotten to do something
2. I think I'm just being lazy and putting off things, even if there is really nothing to do
3. I start thinking about things I SHOULD do which is much more to panic about because these are generally larger, more important things (like getting into Haas, or getting a job) that get looked over when my mind is on homework and tests
4. I feel like my life has no meaning

There are a lot of things I want to do with my free time but actually getting started on them is very difficult. And it's so much easier to just sit in front of my computer and watch shows all day. But I'm now at the point where I've watched all the episodes of all the shows I want to watch. I don't want to rewatch anything, I don't want to pick up new shows. I also dislike reading televisionwithoutpity now, because there are SO many articles that it's kind of diluted the joy I once got from reading them. I don't like celebrity gossip anymore ... I have nothing in my life.

Things I Want

1. Blogs to read: I wish I had a giant list of blogs that were really interesting to read. It makes me kind of want online friends. I wish there were some search engine on blogspot where I could look up a term and find blogs that wrote about it. I've tried searching for blogs but that search was futile. Also, I'd enjoy reading about people's lives, but it's hard to stay interested when you've never met them so you can't hear their voice in your head.

2. New music: Searching for music now seems like a giant pain. Is this one of the signs of getting older? At a certain point, I think you don't care so much about your music and you just listen to what you have or what's on the radio. You'd think that this means my life has moved onto bigger and better things, but that's not the case. Jimmy Eat World has a new CD which I've been playing, but it's too soft to play at the gym. I wish I had a bunch of loud pop or hiphop to play when I'm on the elliptical, but I can't imagine actually searching for such music.

3. Feast of Love: I want to watch this movie even though it appears to have shit reviews. I really like the music in the trailer, and over the summer I spent weeks trying to find the song until I realized you could just download it for free on the band's myspace. I'd watch it today, but if I end up failing my demography midterm tomorrow, I'll just always think "hmm ... probably shouldn't have watched a movie that day"



4. Swimming: Argh I haven't gone swimming in so long. And I seem to always want to go swimming right before I get my period. Swimming would take up 2 hours of my schedule, and would probably solve both my "i hate idle time" problem and my "i'd like to lose weight" goal. I bet I'd lose so much weight really quickly if I started swimming, and actually managed to eat only fruit for dinner, as I plan to do

5. Buy fruit: I really need more fruit. I want apples, grapes, strawberries. I don't know what else is in season. I get bananas at school. Oranges, grapefruit. I'd want mangos but I hate cutting them. These are actually all things that I could buy at school, only they'd charge me 3x the price. I also need to buy some bags of spinach. And some more tofu. My fridge is so empty. It contains a giant bottle of odwalla, some milk that I always have to smell before drinking, a bag of carrots that have been there for over a month, 2 boxes of tofu that I don't know why I bought, because I don't know how to prepare it, and a frozen bag of naan.

6. Watch movies: I kind of want to go to the media resources library in Moffitt library and just watch a lot of old movies. I'm kind of bored. I'm not sure that watching MORE things would make me happier though.

7. A dog: I want a dog all of a sudden. When I walk from my comp sci class to the dorm, I pass by this field where people always bring their dogs. I want a dog! What a freaking cutie. I think what I really want is to be in a relationship, but that's too hard.

I think it's a little annoying that I have more labels than I have of actual posts. I think I was just too eager to categorize my life. I'm going to read now. I'm reading Fried Green Tomatoes. There are too many characters and I have no idea who is who. I hate books that start off with a crapload of characters. I have a terrible memory and since I usually read right before I go to sleep, it's even harder for me to figure out what's going on. I think that might be why I liked reading memoirs and non-fiction over the summer. Far less characters.