So I was sitting in math class...

How my math discussion went today:

10:08 - The girl next to me asks if I knew how to do one of the homework problems. That's when I find out for a fact what I have been suspecting: that I have the wrong textbook. The problems and the chapters are off, which means I did the wrong homework, even though a few of the problems are the correct ones. I tell her I have the wrong book, and while I did try doing the problem she's asking about, I did not actually complete it.
10:10 - Class begins. I am reminded of my dislike of GSIs with accents. And my stronger dislike for GSIs with accents who are shy and speak very softly. Boris, my foreign GSI, you seem very nice and the sort of person who enjoys visiting your grandma and knitting a quilt with her or whatever, but learning math from you is not helping at all.
10:15 - We get split up into groups. I immediately tell my two partners that I have absolutely no idea what's going on in the class, so I probably won't be any help
10:17 - While the other two students are working out the problems, I realize that even though I spent about five hours on math yesterday, I still don't know anything about trig substitution or whatever we're doing. And then I start thinking about what classes I WOULD take if I weren't going to double in statistics and how my schedule would change, and whether I really honestly think I could survive this class. I come to the conclusion that no, I will not survive this class.
11:00 - I delightfully stick earbuds into my ears and speedwalk out of class, deciding not to think about this class again. Until it meets again on Wednesday.

Basically, at the end of discussion, I was 100% certain that I would not be returning to Math1B. I pretty much decided that I was not going to double in statistics. Sometime in my business class, I had the idea of maybe minoring in Chinese, but I doubt that would ever happen. But now that a few hours have passed and math class is just a vague thought, I'm back to the "if I just study very hard, I'm sure I can do it" mode of thought.

So ... I really don't know.

Pros of majoring in statistics:
- I like knowing what classes I have to take, and if I don't double major in something, I'm going to end up taking a bunch of random classes which is kind of useless and stresses me out
- I like saying to people "I'm majoring in business administration with a concentration on accounting and I'm also doubling in statistics." It sounds very definite and self-assured, and it has a little ring to it.
- I don't have to worry about finding new classes to take, which I'm not even sure if I can do if I didn't go to the first day of class
- I'm sure a double major never hurt anyone before
- My probability textbook will not go to waste
- My schedule is all nice and blocky

Cons of majoring in statistics:
- I think in a week, I might start crying in math classes and discussions. No lie.
- I'm not even sure I really like statistics. I just got a really good grade in Stats21, which is admittedly not very hard
- I think I might have just majored in statistics because I really liked my stats GSI. Which is probably the worst idea ever
- I don't want to have to buy another math book that is essentially the same thing that I already have, just numbered differently
- Have I mentioned how I don't know a THING about integrals? And this is supposed to be the easier part of the course

ARGH. If I had known in freshman year that I would want to major in statistics, I would have taken math1b second semester freshman year, math 1b would be a breeze, I could have taken stats 21 the next year, and gone on with my merry way. NOOO instead I had to wait A YEAR so that I completely forgot everything and have to pick up from scratch.

How I decided to take statistics:
1) Decided to apply to Haas
2) Haas has a prerequisite of Statistics 21
3) Took statistics 21 spring semester freshman year
4) Really liked statistics GSI. Went to office hours a lot and just did homework there
5) Homework and test grades went really well because I went to office hours so much
6) Got an A+ in the class
7) Figured that statistics was kind of fun
8) Signed up for film studies 50
9) Thought that film studies 50 was going to be cancelled
10) Dropped out of the class and looked for new classes to take instead
11) Decided that I should find a second major so my classes would be more structured
12) Decided to double major in statistics

I think there are several flaws to my logic of doubling in statistics. The main one: because I thought I wouldn't be taking my film studies class. In the end, I did.

ARGH!!! STILL don't know what to do. It's also an hour later. I want to nap. And throw up the lasagna I just ate.

Well stupid blogger won't let me post because they're doing site maintenance. So I will write more. I'm flipping through my statistics book and it looks very daunting. But then again, if you never knew about a subject and flipped through the textbook, you'd be totally WTF but once you start learning, you're like "oh this is actually not that bad."

I don't know. That is the theme of this post. I don't know. I'm really a firm believer that if you just study, you'll do well, as long as the teacher is a fair grader. And if that's true, there should be no reason for me to not take math, because I have no problem with putting effort into school. I guess I just don't know if I really think it's worth it, and it just seems very impossible right now. Which is really weird because I've never felt this way about a class. ARGH. I'm very lucky to have gone through almost 14 years of school and never had to think "there's absolutely no way I can do well in this class, no matter how hard I try." Until now I guess.