I HATE being a female

ARGH. After much debating I finally relented and said I would go to this club/lounge/restaurant/whatever the heck it is place in SF with my friends on Thursday. I hope they don't kick me out after they start serving drinks. I have to freaking buy an entire outfit just for this night. It's something I've been meaning to do for the past three years, but whenever I go to the mall, I hate looking for clothes like dresses and business suits. Which are things that I actually desperately need. I only remember how crappy my wardrobe is a few days before I REALLY need the clothes.

So I need: either a nice dressy top, skirt, and heels, OR I hope I can find a cute black dress and shoes, because that can probably be used more often. THEN I probably have to find something for a party I'm going to on Saturday too. LKSDJFLDSFJLDSFJDSKLFJSLD I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY FOR THIS. Thursday night alone is probably going to cost me $150, just for the meal and outfit. FUCK MY LIFE.

Luckily for me, I was already planning on going shopping with Chrystal tomorrow. I guess she can help me look for stuff, although I don't think we share the same style. We're supposed to go shopping around noon, and then eat at Little Star Pizza (YUM YUM!) and then go to a concert. Of course, I feel like I just suddenly got fatter, at a CRUCIAL MOMENT TOO.

I also just watched The Biggest Loser and I can't believe Coleen got voted off instead of Vicky. WTF. Sometimes when major upsets happen, the eliminated person takes it very graciously and doesn't say anything spiteful. I feel like if someone voted ME off instead of the BIGGEST BITCH in the house, I would throw a major bitch fit. It would be the sort of event where promos show a clip of me going "WHAT the FUCKING HELL?---" and voice it over with "The most DRAMATIC ELIMINATION YET!"

I always enjoy the ending of The Biggest Loser where they show the contestants as they are now. It's crazy that Coleen was so excited to walk into a Macy's and pick clothes off the rack to wear, something she couldn't do before. I guess it makes me think about the things I take for granted, like having space between my thighs (something Chrystal pointed out to me). But then I still hold out for the day when I can say "Today I walked into Bebe and tried on a skanky top. I can't believe it fit me! But I didn't buy it because I'm not a skanky 40-year old Asian mom"

I am currently in my annual "I don't like my life - I'm not doing anything productive and I just sit around watching tv" mode. In the past two years, I remedied this by working at Equilar. I am kind of ready to go back to work there, but I distinctly remembering telling myself NEVER AGAIN. Also, I should just concentrate on recruiting for next semester. SIGH. I need to do something more meaningful in my life. Like maybe make some friends that are my own age, so I can actually go out drinking with people next year.

I didn't do shit yesterday and my next homework assignment is due December 2nd. Which is kind of cool but I still feel incredibly unproductive. I'm going to finish the paper tonight so my next homework assignment is a presentation on December 4th.