What I regret in life

I think a year ago I would have said that I never regretted anything in my life. (Besides the consumption of sugary foods). But for obvious reasons, lately I have been thinking of what I should have done differently in college. Li-Ting said I should stop looking backwards and just look forward because I can't change the past. I agree with that, but I feel like if I don't take some time to think about what I did wrong, I won't ever learn.

What worries me the most is how I'm not often moved to take action. I have a ton of lists lying around that are things I want to do. Just on this one blog there are TWO lists of things I want to do. I own three different notebooks where I also write down goals, I have documents on my computer, I have an email saved as a draft in my gmail, and I have written probably hundreds of lists on scratch paper when an idea comes to me. I have all these lists, but years later, so many of the things still remain.

I'm on the phone with my mom. She just said to me "we had a symposium - you know what a symposium is right?" I said yes. But the truth is that I don't. My mom's English is better than mine.

Mom: Luxury cars depreciate extremely rapidly! You know what depreciation is right?

Yes. I think I might have heard of something called depreciation. HAHA

Oh no, I just ended the call and it lasted an hour and ten minutes. I should not call her before/during writing a blog entry because afterwards I have no motivation to continue and I forget what I wanted to talk about. Ummmmmmmm

Yeah. I feel like there are so many things I want to change about my life, and from time to time I will get these bursts of inspiration, like TODAY IS THE DAY I'm going to blah blah blah! But then within a few hours that determination dies. Also, when something disappointing happens to me, I'm just kind of like "ok" and don't really do anything about it. I think, that's that, life moves on, which is an ok sentiment to have, but I wish I were more inspired to take action.

Ugh I am really annoyed about the fact that before I called my mom I had my entire entry planned out and now it's starting to be all over the place and I have no idea how I wanted to end it. UGH! It makes me want to delete this entry, because I would rather write something coherent and concise than a rambling one that just repeats the same ideas over and over. This has happened a lot lately - I'll write a post but my thoughts are not fluid so I end up saying the same initial thoughts without a real conclusion.

My mom has crazy days. I feel like she's doing a lot with her life, and when she tells me about it on the phone, it makes me feel really bad about my own life. She gets up around 5:30 to get ready for work and leaves around 6:30. She drives to the bus station and then sleeps on the bus until it reaches her office in LA. Then she works at an office that has a much more stressful work culture than her previous workplace. She comes home, my dad will have dinner ready for her, she will eat for like ten minutes, and then she races off to her community college classes that she is already 20 minutes late for. Despite being 20 minutes late every day, she is still at the top of her class and her teachers often give her extra work that is different from the rest of the class because she is so ahead. She has class from 6:00-9:00 and she'll come back around 9:20. THEN she goes online to learn English ONLINE on her own using Studio Classroom. And she finally goes to sleep around 11:00. She doesn't watch any more tv, she doesn't even read the newspaper anymore. She is insane.


The song I actually like at the moment is Creature Fear but I already know it is too mellow for anyone to listen to. Not that anyone clicks these music videos, I presume.

I'm heading over to Laura's. My excuse is that my brain is too tired to think so studying is futile. But socializing requires little to no brain power!