It's finally happened

I have nothing to eat.

I've feared this for a long time. When I'm at school, I really cut down on what I'm allowed to eat (usually unless special circumstances arise ex. I'm super insanely hungry or there just happens to be really temptingly delicious food in front of me) and every time I restart a diet phase, I decide to eliminate another food from my list of CAN EATS. I've always wondered what would happen the day I had nothing left to eat because it's unhealthy or because I've eaten it so much I hate it. I assumed this would occur some time in my late twenties but it's occurred ... today.

Fine, I'm probably exaggerating. I think today was just a bad day to eat. But entertain me for a while.

I went to the main student store (like an OVT for you UCSDers) and ... I didn't want any of the premade sandwiches. Too much dressing in them. I didn't want any of the sandwiches they make in front of you. They're too big. I don't really like their salads, I didn't feel like getting a smoothie because they taste too artificial to me. There's no way I'm touching the Grill section, I've never really liked the sushi, and I don't like eating packaged food, the kind you microwave or pour boiling water in. So ... I left that place emptyhanded.

Then I went to one of our dining halls. Here's what I got:

- Mashed potatoes. No gravy. They look like they were processed by a machine, and I think they are. I know I've had mashed potatoes here before, and they were really delicious, but I guess dinner quality is on another level from lunch quality.
- Cauliflower and broccoli. I think they've just been boiled. I always get this ... but usually as a side for something delicious. Today, it's the main part of my take out box. 5 pieces of giant cauliflower and 3 broccoli with no seasoning or anything on it is my main course.
- Spinach, cold tofu, cucumbers, and carrots.
- A piece of bread with a slice of cheese and a slice of turkey meat. Not even a regular sized piece of bread, but a child-sized piece of bread. I thought it was one of the tastiest things I've had in a long time, which may say something about how hungry I am
- An orange

And ... that's all.

I'm not sure if I would even want anything else. I think I actually kind of want scrambled eggs or something. A month ago I probably would have had cereal, but I'm starting to think I'm becoming lactose intolerant, so I no longer drink milk. Which means I no longer eat cereal. So ... that's out. A few months before that, I would have eaten a pre-made salad, but I usually don't find them anymore. A year ago, I would have eaten a packaged sandwich made by PaniniTime but that is such a distant memory.

On the other hand, I actually feel very full but I can't tell if it's because I'm actually full or if my body is saying "PLEASE stop putting this food into your mouth."

The apple juice hurts my throat because it's so sugary. HAHA I used to down this like water.

You know those people who are so shielded from bacteria and colds when they were young, that now they catch illnesses like crazy? I kind of want to be that, food-wise. Like, I've been shielded from greasy, processed, sugary, or seasoned foods for so long that it hurts when I eat them. Like, my body will not be able to take it. And I live my life eating raw vegetables and fruit. That's what I want. But as I said to Chrystal yesterday, "you know all this exercise that I do? I realized that it's just prolonging my life. And I would really like to die young. But I think I'm going to end up living for a very long time if I keep exercising and eating right."