Life is backwards

I'm pretty sure everyone has heard "being an adult is not that great" but no one ever listens. I did not. Or, I would listen to some of the things and say "yes I agree that this will come true but I won't mind!" I don't know if I should just go around calling myself an adult already. I've realized that people who are only like six years older than me still think I'm a fetus. Let's just say I am an adult and in six years I can post another entry about how naive I was at nineteen.

These are some expectations I had and they are slowly being crushed. I talked to a friend who is doing a summer internship at a Big4 and we agreed with each other on every point. SO I'm not just crazy cynical.

False: Making money is fun
True: Making money is not fun. Making money when you're an "adult" implies that you actually have to pay for your own shit. So instead of looking at a paycheck like "YES TIME TO SPLURGE!" it's more like "ok ... there goes a huge portion to taxes. Now 80% goes to rent, 20% goes to food ... oh ... that's it." Also, even if you do make enough to spend it every now and then, THERE IS NO FREAKING TIME to actually spend it because you're working all the time

False: Having your own little "bachelor pad" is the shit
True: Living alone, whether it be some dingy room in a frat house or one of the most expensive studio apartments in Berkeley, is FREAKING LONELY. You come home, you throw your stuff on the closest surface possible, and then ... you're by yourself. Considering I still live at school and I still have friends in Berkeley, it would be possible to still call up someone and ask them to hang out. But after an 8hour workday, all you want to do is never move from the chair you just plopped down on. The idea of making plans, much less actually going out, is incredibly daunting. Also, having your own place just means that you spend the weekends cleaning it and stocking it with food so you don't have to worry about it during the week

False: Dressing up for work is fun
True: For a woman, it effing sucks to have to wear heels all the time. At least, it sucks for someone like me who pampers her feet with sneakers and wears heels like three times in a year. I am still kind of in love with the idea of walking around the SF Financial District in my businesswear and fitting in with every other intimidatingly sharp looking person there. But AGH the cost of having to buy all these suits and heels and bags? God.

As hateful as this entry sounds, I actually don't hate my summer at all. When I think about it, this might actually be one of the best summers of my life. Honestly, every year of my life has been really awesome. My summer might not be the constant happiness that it usually is (which is something Chrystal would disagree with because she think I'm a very unhappy person), but I've done something exciting and new every weekend of this summer. When I walk home from the gym, I always pass the F line and the only thing stopping me from hopping on it and taking a spontaneous trip to SF is that I don't want to carry around a wet swimsuit. I plan on doing so one day though.

I've had time to myself, I've had time with friends, and every day I have something to look forward to. It just changes between "Eek! TMV is visiting me!" to "Eek! San Francisco!" to "Eek! July 4th at home!" and then after that it'll be "Eek! Summer school!" and finally "Eek! Moving into my apartment!" And then my summer will be over. That's a lot of Eeks. Compare to last year where it was like a constant "yay friends!" but nothing huge ever happened.

The negative of this summer is that now I'm just constantly counting down the time I have left in school. I guess it's nice that I realize this will end soon and I should make the most of it, but I also wish I could just live freely without constantly worrying if I AM making the most of it.

It's 2:20 am now, which is about three hours later than I sleep on the weekdays. I'm prepping myself for hangout time with TMV. Seriously, I think it's incredible that I go home for vacations, wake up around 7:30 and stay awake until sometimes 2-4am socializing with TMV.