Things I'd like to do...

If TV and school weren't my first priority, that is. I've probably made this list like 50 times in my life and they are generally the same thing but I'll just add to it every now and then

1. Surf
Why: It looks fun and I'd like to have a reason to go to the beach other than to take pictures and shop
Things holding me back: Inability to drive to the beach, not owning a surfboard or a wetsuit, not wanting to spend money on an instructor, tendency towards imbalance, not thin enough to prance around the beach
Likelihood: Extremely unlikely unless I rent a beach house with someone one day or go to Hawaii. And with my hate of vacations, this is not happening any time soon. Plus, at a certain age you can't really learn how to surf anymore, or you'll crack a hip

2. Cook healthy, delicious things
Why: So I can eat. And knowing how to cook things is pretty hot. I want to learn how to make delicious salads and then desserts and then bakery stuff like cakes and then Chinese foods like what my mom cooks and then other foods like lasagna.
Things holding me back: I need a kitchen, a pot, cooking oil, ingredients, the ability to turn on a stove
Likelihood: I probably won't start cooking until I get an apartment. But I also don't want to buy any kitchen materials until I'm rich and I can furnish my kitchen from Crate and Barrel because I don't want to have a bunch of Walmart crap lying around.

3. Knit
Why: Because then I can make my own clothes. Knitted gloves, knitted scarves, knitted sweaters, knitted jeans...
Things holding me back: Yarn, needles, and a teacher
Likelihood: I'll probably buy the materials one day, try to make a scarf, realize it's fugly as hell, and give up

4. Make my own soap
Why: Someone's blog mentioned this anad I think it sounds awesome. I would give soap as gifts
Things holding me back: Materials
Likelihood: Unlikely, until I get my own place. I can't imagine I would be excited to pay tons of money for ingredients to make soap that would have to sit around my house, if I could just spend a dollar for a perfectly usable bar of soap.

5. Drive on the freeway blasting music
Why: It's the best way to listen to music
Things holding me back: Fear of driving on the freeway, inability to judge distances
Likelihood: I think I could go my whole life without driving! If I don't have a car, I'll probably never get car insurance again and by the time I graduate, maybe I can just take the BART to work. But I'm sure I'll drive freeway some day

6.

I wish...

1) To beat Minesweeper Expert level on this computer. But each time I click new game, I wonder if I'm increasing my chances of getting carpal tunnel syndrome.

2) There were something new on tv besides Deal or No Deal and Clash of the Choirs

3) I didn't fall asleep every time I try to read. It's making my break a lot less exciting

4) I could go running without freezing, or wake up early enough to go running without turning dark

5) My mom would stop making delicious foods that I can't resist eating

6) I could get super thin before Wednesday, which is our extended family dinner. Must look THIN. THIN!!! In particular, as I was online browsing, I'd like my body and wardrobe to look somewhat like this

Even though I try not to look at a picture of a model and say "hey I'd like to be that thin" because it's impossible and probably unhealthy, I WOULD like to be that thin. Also, I want that sweatshirt. I bought a 1/4 zip black sweater from Costco today and I LOVE it. In Thanksgiving, I could have worn that and felt really good about myself. But now I wear it and while it makes my boobs look huge, it also shows my stomach fat rolls. I need a fast, magical surgical option.

8) I could drive really well. Then I would drive to people's houses and I wouldn't be so horribly bored right now

Things I want to do

I don't really feel like working but I'll allow myself only twenty minutes to blog before I absolutely must do work. Anyway, I don't really have very much work to do now, and there are only about THREE sessions left for each of my classes. How bizarre. You expect to have half a semester to go after Thanksgiving break, but it's actually only two weeks! Eek. If you asked me what I've learned this semester, I couldn't tell you. I don't know what's going on in most of my classes. I actually don't think I've learned anything from demography. No lie.

So I actually have quite a bit of extra time that I just squander away. I'm getting in those "boo I wish I were able to do this" moodswings, which happens from time to time. I'm also in a "I'm a fatass and all I want to do is eat junk food and sit in my room all day" mood but thankfully my floormate forces me to go swimming, so I haven't gained too much weight.

1) Surf
I think I tell everyone this. Sometimes I wish I had gone to a beach school so that I could have taken surfing classes. I'm sure that's not a good reason to choose a college though. I need to a) learn how to drive freeway so I can actually get to the beach b) buy a surfboard c) buy a wetsuit d) find a surfing instructor, a really good friend who knows how to surf, or a (hot) nice guy on the beach who will teach me (and love me)

2) Knit
I just need to buy whatever it is people use to knit (yarn? thread? clearly I know nothing) and some knitting needles. And then learn how to knit. Imagine how many articles of clothing I could have made by now, if I just knit while watching tv. Goodness.


3) Make crafty things
Why can't I make cute little things like this?I want to be a Martha Stewart. Without the orange jumpsuit. But imagine all the things you could do if you were crafty! This is one of those really idealistic dreams though because I can hypothetically knit and I can surf but I don't think any amount of effort could erase the fugly I put into artsy things. Seriously, I don't think I've ever been able to make anything that looked cute and proportionally correct. Just look at my drawings.

4) Cook
Even though I do not have a kitchen. Although I could totally just go downstairs and cook, the cleanliness of that communal kitchen is really questionable. I wish I could make this though
Mmm. and even Asian foods. It would be awesome if I could make my own sushi. I'd end up eating so much raw fish though, I'd just die of mercury poisoning.

Eff, it's 10:00. Do I even wish I could do anything else?

4) Make friends in my classes
I guess it's too late now, since there's only a week and a half left of school. I'm happy with the friends I have now, but sometimes I look around the classroom and I'm like "boo I kind of wish I knew that person better, he/she looks interesting." I also wish I had been more friendly at the beginning of school in my dorm, but now it seems kind of awkward. "Hi! I never spoke to you for four months even though we lived together, but let's be friends"

Homework time!

HAAAA awesome. Kristen Bell's "damn this shit" face before she gets out of the car is so Veronica Mars

Also, HOW MANY times do I have to rave about How I Met Your Mother before people WATCH IT?! If it gets cancelled, I will be very unhappy

Christmas Presents

I've been sitting at my computer for the past 5 hours doing just about nothing. I'm trying to finish my Haas essay, and honestly, every time I think about it I'm like "this is so easy I can do it in half an hour!" But then half an hour rolls by and I've written a sentence. Not good. I have a lot of work to do too. And all I can think about is what I want to do for Christmas.

I want to make PILLOWS! And after Owen said something about how he loves pillows made out of shirts, now I want to make pillow shirts! Look and see
Cute huh? Only I don't have men's shirts just lying about, waiting to be destroyed by my hands. I don't know how to sew at all. I feel like all it takes is some thread and a needle, and the patience and ability to just go in and out in a straight line. But then when I try reading about how to do things like sew and knit, I see all these "you need THIS fabric for THIS and THAT fabric for THAT" and a bunch of different sewing techniques and my mind goes blank. Also, I don't know if I have the time during finals week to sit around sewing things. This seems like a thing housewives do, not students who are scrambling to pull up their grades.

I want to try not talking about what I ate or how little I exercised until Christmas time. HAHA I think I can last a day.

Don't bother reading this - it's mainly for myself

Things I want to do this break:
1) Eat at Souplantation for lunch. Maybe on ... Friday? After black Friday shopping? Nothing really jumps out at me from the menu, but maybe that way I won't eat so much.
2) Black Friday shopping at Staples at midnight
3) Black Friday shopping at Ontario Mills at 5am
4) Running on Friday night. I ran 2 miles today and I practically died. Running on the treadmill and running on the track are completely different things. I'm so glad I didn't ask my friend if I could run with her to the marina. I think I would have died four blocks from our dorm.
5) Running on Saturday morning
6) Take lots of pictures. So far, fairly successful
7) Get one good video of all of us together
8) Start on my Haas essay. By the time I get home, I will only have FIVE DAYS left! I should be panicking but something is blocking me from comprehending this fact.
9) Maintain weight. I won't be so naive to think I'll lose weight. I just don't want to go home with a giant belly
10) Keep face clear. My face was unusually clear but the drive down made me break down a little. Still, it's better than how I usually look when I come home, which is like massive acnefest
11) Plan out winter break - Lake Tahoe? TMV Christmas dinner?
12) Plan out spring break - Mexico cruise?
13) Plan out Christmas gifts - Although I kind of want to buy presents for everyone this year, I'll bet most of TMV wants to do secret santa. I wonder if we should include the guys this time. I also want to do little group gifts but I can't think of anything and I also can't design anything.
14) Go to CVS and buy all the apple cider that is on sale (last year we bought like 5 bottles, each for 69 cents or something

Things I would like to buy:
1) Jeans - I read on a blog where she wrote something about how your favorite jeans immediately demotes all your other jeans to grunge status. This is SO TRUE. I bought a pair of A&F jeans over the summer and I freaking love them to death. They were even from an outlet, and are supposedly "irregular" somewhere that I can't see. I need more jeans. I wish I didn't have to pay $50 for all of them though.
2) Camera - I really doubt this will happen because I want to save all my money for clothes. I think I really need a new one, but I don't think I need one now because I don't take too many pictures in college anyway.
3) Really nice sunglasses - Although this is an impractical buy because rainy season is beginning in Berkeley and I wear sunglasses about never
4) Bikini - I feel really embarrassed that I only own one-pieces. I can't go to the beach at my age in a one-piece! I have to slut it up a little. Normally I'd be like "we're not going to the beach anytime soon" but if I do end up visiting my floormate over winter break, I'm pretty certain we'll go to the beach.
5) Really nice purse - I don't know what kind of purse I want and I can't imagine myself shelling over $100 for a purse, but I know I want to own a nice bag at least.
6) Messenger bag -Yes I'm late to the trend. But I think they're super cute
7) How I Met Your Mother season DVD - I hope I can find this on sale over Thanksgiving
8) Friday Night Lights season DVD - although this is really not necessary because even when it's not on sale, it's only $20
9) Makeup - HA! I always say this but my mind shuts down when I step into Sephora. Someone needs to buy me makeup ... and then put it on my face for me. I'm completely incompetent when it comes to this

My lack of music is depressing me

I really need new music. I'm in one of those phases where I don't like to hear any of the songs on my iTunes, and none of the unsorted files I've downloaded seem appealing to me. What I want is really upbeat music that I can gym to, but my music is all fairly mellow. I have maybe a few songs that are poppy but you can't listen to them for very long before they become annoying. I tried downloading random rap songs but I didn't like ... any of them. When I don't have music to listen to, I end up thinking more, which often makes me sadder about life. Which is why I need music NOW! So I can be cheered up.

I just ate a bunch of cashew crunch. I don't know ... I can recognize that this is a fairly healthy snack but the fact that they're nuts make me ultra-full. I don't understand WHY I eat them at 11pm at night. I don't know WHY instead of eating a banana or grapes or NOTHING (as I am supposed to be doing past 10pm), I end up opening my bag of cashew crunch.

I'm more apathetic about things that I once loved, but I wouldn't call myself apathetic about life. I think I'm just focusing more on my classes and Haas now, which is a good thing. But, I don't enjoy reading celebrity gossip anymore, I don't really want to bother looking for blogs to read, and I'm starting to find tv recaps as more of a bad distraction rather than pleasurable reading material. I'm also getting annoyed when people IM me. I wish I could be able to just not go on AIM, but then I'd feel like something is missing in my taskbar. Usually I just leave an away, but sometimes I come back and I forget it, and someone IMs me and I'm like "... fuck ... me." It's not that I don't like the people who IM me. The conversations are just so ... uninteresting. They don't go anywhere, the same topics are brought up, and it too closely resembles polite conversation. It's such a waste of time and I just end up getting thrown off my schedule. I now respond to the orange blinking light of an IM box with "god, what now?"

HAHA omg how ironic. Right as I'm about to post this, Alvin ims me, and my initial response is actually "oh! alvin! yay!" HAHA

Things I want to do:
- take back the cashew crunch I chowed down
- explore stores on college ave.
- have my demography project and computer science project magically finished
- read for fun
- start on my haas application

Thank god I don't have a credit card

So I was browsing blogspots today and one of them linked to the greatest site ever. Honestly, the best way to get me to buy something is to put the original price, the reduced price, and a % you save. I just want to buy EVERYTHING. Because it just seems like everything here is on sale! This makes me really want a very high-paying job so I can just charge it like it's nothing. I'm seriously considering becoming an investment banker now. Usually, I think people hear about how investment bankers have no lives and just work insane hours and think it's the worst thing ever. When I first heard that, instead of thinking "thank god I'm not headed in that direction" I actually thought "hey that sounds like it'd fit me." If I'm happiest when I'm busy, isn't it only logical that I will be happiest working overtime? I think so.

All I need is money, good music, possibly a dog, an apartment with a loft, time to watch tv, and a thin body (and at some point, a relationship).

Anyway, I want everything. Seriously. To my unknowledgable fashion eye, most of these things all look the same to me. All that my brain can process is "wow that looks nice" and "wow that is a very well known brand" and "wow give me give me." Let's say I had $1000...

1. Sunglasses

I could probably find a pair of sunglasses that I would love even more, but from this site's selection, this is what I'd get. I look ridiculous in those giant bug-eyed ones and I like fairly dark tinted lenses. I don't understand why people wear sunglasses that are practically clear. It boggles me. These are basically the narrowest pair that I saw and I think it would fit my face ok. I really like sporty looking sunglasses though - the kind of that I see athletes wear around campus. But wearing them would make me an athletes poser.

*also, I wrote in the html that makes this text float to the right MYSELF. my god, computer science turned out to be the most useful class I've taken yet*

2. Jeans

I just grabbed a picture. I can't see for shit from these little thumbnails, and even if the jeans were blown up to the size of my monitor, I still wouldn't be able to tell the difference. I just want more jeans. Any jeans, as long as they look good and make my legs look thin.


3. Dress
Do I need a black dress? I don't think so. But I want one. I probably have no occasion to wear it too, and even if I had to go to a funeral, I don't think this would be appropriate. I don't own any pretty black heels, so this means I'd have to buy a new pair of shoes too...


4. Jackets
Oh my gosh. I'd buy every jacket and every sweater they have on this site. I love winter clothes. I'm such a norcal girl. I hate wearing tshirts and tanks and camis. I do like wearing shorts though. But I'd rather wear jeans. I hate flip flops. I love sneakers. I'd probably love boots too, if I didn't think they were such a hassle to put on. In SF, I could go shopping in a suit and no one would think anything of it. In socal, I'd feel like a crazy workaholic who didn't have time to go home and change if I did that.

5. Sweaters
I don't know why I like this so much. I'm not British. I don't have the thin upper arms to pull this off. I also don't need it in cashmere. Just print it up on a cotton sweater and I'd totally buy it for $20. I don't care.


The only thing I don't want is just about everything from the shirts and blouses section. Do I just have absolutely no fashion sense or are those all older lady clothing? I can't imagine wearing these things to the office, because I'd probably be wearing a suit. At the same time, I can't imagine wearing these out to shopping or something. I can imagine other people doing so, but I would feel so frumpy and lumpy in them. I don't think my body parts fit these types of clothing very well.

Wow. That was a really good way to use up an hour of my life.

I have nothing to do

I wrote a fairly long post earlier and then I decided to trash it. I honestly feel like I have nothing to write about. Most of my midterms are over, I have one tomorrow but I've finished studying for that one, and I wasn't studying very much to begin with anyway. I'm far less stressed than I was last year. I don't know if it's because I chilled out over the summer or if my classes are just easier or if I just was just a big stress freak last year. But, now I have a lot of idle time which I HATE. Whenever I have a day where I don't do very much, I just start to panic because

1. I think I must have forgotten to do something
2. I think I'm just being lazy and putting off things, even if there is really nothing to do
3. I start thinking about things I SHOULD do which is much more to panic about because these are generally larger, more important things (like getting into Haas, or getting a job) that get looked over when my mind is on homework and tests
4. I feel like my life has no meaning

There are a lot of things I want to do with my free time but actually getting started on them is very difficult. And it's so much easier to just sit in front of my computer and watch shows all day. But I'm now at the point where I've watched all the episodes of all the shows I want to watch. I don't want to rewatch anything, I don't want to pick up new shows. I also dislike reading televisionwithoutpity now, because there are SO many articles that it's kind of diluted the joy I once got from reading them. I don't like celebrity gossip anymore ... I have nothing in my life.

Things I Want

1. Blogs to read: I wish I had a giant list of blogs that were really interesting to read. It makes me kind of want online friends. I wish there were some search engine on blogspot where I could look up a term and find blogs that wrote about it. I've tried searching for blogs but that search was futile. Also, I'd enjoy reading about people's lives, but it's hard to stay interested when you've never met them so you can't hear their voice in your head.

2. New music: Searching for music now seems like a giant pain. Is this one of the signs of getting older? At a certain point, I think you don't care so much about your music and you just listen to what you have or what's on the radio. You'd think that this means my life has moved onto bigger and better things, but that's not the case. Jimmy Eat World has a new CD which I've been playing, but it's too soft to play at the gym. I wish I had a bunch of loud pop or hiphop to play when I'm on the elliptical, but I can't imagine actually searching for such music.

3. Feast of Love: I want to watch this movie even though it appears to have shit reviews. I really like the music in the trailer, and over the summer I spent weeks trying to find the song until I realized you could just download it for free on the band's myspace. I'd watch it today, but if I end up failing my demography midterm tomorrow, I'll just always think "hmm ... probably shouldn't have watched a movie that day"



4. Swimming: Argh I haven't gone swimming in so long. And I seem to always want to go swimming right before I get my period. Swimming would take up 2 hours of my schedule, and would probably solve both my "i hate idle time" problem and my "i'd like to lose weight" goal. I bet I'd lose so much weight really quickly if I started swimming, and actually managed to eat only fruit for dinner, as I plan to do

5. Buy fruit: I really need more fruit. I want apples, grapes, strawberries. I don't know what else is in season. I get bananas at school. Oranges, grapefruit. I'd want mangos but I hate cutting them. These are actually all things that I could buy at school, only they'd charge me 3x the price. I also need to buy some bags of spinach. And some more tofu. My fridge is so empty. It contains a giant bottle of odwalla, some milk that I always have to smell before drinking, a bag of carrots that have been there for over a month, 2 boxes of tofu that I don't know why I bought, because I don't know how to prepare it, and a frozen bag of naan.

6. Watch movies: I kind of want to go to the media resources library in Moffitt library and just watch a lot of old movies. I'm kind of bored. I'm not sure that watching MORE things would make me happier though.

7. A dog: I want a dog all of a sudden. When I walk from my comp sci class to the dorm, I pass by this field where people always bring their dogs. I want a dog! What a freaking cutie. I think what I really want is to be in a relationship, but that's too hard.

I think it's a little annoying that I have more labels than I have of actual posts. I think I was just too eager to categorize my life. I'm going to read now. I'm reading Fried Green Tomatoes. There are too many characters and I have no idea who is who. I hate books that start off with a crapload of characters. I have a terrible memory and since I usually read right before I go to sleep, it's even harder for me to figure out what's going on. I think that might be why I liked reading memoirs and non-fiction over the summer. Far less characters.