OMFG I GOT A B- IN MACROECON. Seriously, I'm half torn between cheering for not getting a C, and crying because it's a B MINUS. I could have lived with a B but a minus is like "HELLO SHE ALMOST GOT A C, DON'T EVEN LOOK AT HER RESUME" FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I talked to Li-Ting, who is like my go to person for anything business related and she was basically like "well. Just don't get anymore, and get A's in accounting courses." BUT OMFG. I have only TWO SEMESTERS including summer to get my GPA up to a point where my resume doesn't land in the automatic reject pile. FUCK. OMFG.
There's the part of my brain that is really freaking out right now, residual from middle school self pressure, and a scarier thing is happening where the other part of my brain is just starting not to care about things anymore. AGH. But I can't not care, because I don't have a JOB YET, HELLO. Stupid brain. AGH. Well, all I can say is that I did poorly this semester because I assumed all my classes were easy, and I focused more on socializing. I have really good friends now, which means I can put grades back in my first priority. I hope it was worth it. I really hope this isn't the first thing I put in my REGRET list, because I've enjoyed saying I've lived without regrets, but if this B- is what stands in the way of living the way I've planned, that is one big regret.
Priority list for the summer:
1) Getting A's in both classes
2) Making friends in summer school
3) Lowering error rate at work
4) Making friends in sublet
5) Making friends at work
6) Keeping in contact with other friends
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
I'm freaking tired
I'm sitting in my sweaty, smelly gym clothes right now eating Panda Puffs from Trader Joe's. It's 12:30, and a week ago I would have been like "OMG I have to go to bed NOW!" but now I'm like "ok ... I guess it's time to start homework!" Panda Puffs, by the way, came very highly recommended to me but I don't think they're that great. But I've only had them dry - maybe they turn magically delicious when put in milk. Ok, I just dropped one on the ground, picked it up, found two other ones I dropped earlier today, and ate those too.
Anyway, I'm super busy everyday ... like busier than I've ever been really. And this is going to continue until April 12th, except for one glorious week of spring break. And I guess for another week after spring break, I have as of yet, nothing planned but I know I will end up having to do a lot. So in my life I have:
1) RCSA volunteering: high school seniors are coming to check out Berkeley and I signed up to volunteer to answer questions. I love this because you get to talk to strangers and you're in the position of power. LOVE! I get to do this next weekend in socal, and I hear it's incredibly tiring. It's straight talking from 8-4 ... like absolutely no break. Then you go out and blow off $64 for dinner. I guess $64 is not that much, including tip and tax. What am I saying ... I usually try to spend $10 a meal. I hear we're going to a delicious sushi place - so I'm debating whether to get a shitload of special rolls, or one of those combos that no one ever gets because they're so expensive. Hmm...
2) Work: I've actually skipped a lot of hours because of volunteering. Sigh. I want to make more money. I've planned out my paycheck. Tuesday = new pair of jeans. Thursday = new pair of heels. Friday = new purse. Next Tuesday = bikini. Next Thursday = Boots. Next Friday = more tshirts. THEN I'll begin saving.
3) School: I officially don't understand economics anymore and I refuse to go to lecture. I don't think I could do any better on homework even if I went to lecture. That professor really pisses me off. Terrible lecturer!
4) Gymming: Agh! I've been so busy these past few days that I didn't even go to the gym yesterday. I went running just now, which is why I'm all dirty. Maybe I should have showered first. Well, I really want to lose all my stomach fat by the beginning of spring break. Let's see how that goes. Yesterday, I magically had the stomach I've been working for, but then today it just got progressively worse. *cries* It'll never be good enough
5) Edu96: Is the class where I teach 2nd graders science. I know ... ME? CHILDREN?! I am quite terrifed too. Today was the first day we went to teach. I had to wake up at 7:30 ... which is actually not at all earlier than I normally wake up. But somehow, knowing I HAD to wake up at 7:30 made me very anxious so I ended up waking up at 6:15. The day before, I had to wake up at 7:15 and I ended up waking up at 5:40. Very weird biological clock. This is after sleeping at 1:30 both days.
So first impressions, I thought the teacher was incredibly mean. She's very controlling and likes things done her way. Usually we're supposed to have control of the class and the teacher just lets you do whatever you want. But she kept interrupting and leading the class. She's also very mean to the students in my opinion, and I think she says some pretty hurtful things. I excused a lot of kids to recess but some of them just left, since we were running a little late. I didn't really care, but when she went out, she came back with one kid, and was yelling at him for leaving without being checked off. I was like ... whoa. So Angelica and I walked out of there like W..T..F.
But later I talked to other people in the class and they were like "I know exactly how she comes off but she really cares about the students." I guess she was the one who actually started this entire fun in science program, where Berkeley students come to teach kids and do science experiments with them. And after hearing other students' stories about crazy teachers, and then the leader of our class explaining why they're like that ... it's very interesting. I mean, I know teachers have lives outside of school, but you still think teachers all sort of fit a particular mold. Like they HAVE to be nice and extremely patient or else they're bad teachers. But there are a lot of different ways to treat kids, and they can still be effective. I can tell that the students I teach learn a LOT and a large part of that is because the teacher is so controlling and demanding of her students.
And the kids... omg there are some really cute ones. As a teacher, I love the really shy kids. SOO cute. But there are a few that annoyed me within the first hour I worked with them. The interesting thing is that ... they totally fit the stereotype. And when I told Angelica this, she knew who I was talking about and while she somewhat agreed with me, she reminded me how last semester, she noticed that adults see small characteristics appear in kids, and they immediately label them. Like, one of the kids I'm talking about, to be very non-pc, was a kind of chubby black kid. He was pretty rude sometimes and I could easily see him in a few years being those loud, talky guys you hear on the street and assume he's up to no good. But if he does become that, maybe it was partly because adults steered him in that direction. I guess you have to remember that these kids are still growing and become nothing like what they are now.
Panda Puffs are so sugary. I should go shower.
You have no idea how nice it is to have a functioning keyboard. Thank your computer now.
Anyway, I'm super busy everyday ... like busier than I've ever been really. And this is going to continue until April 12th, except for one glorious week of spring break. And I guess for another week after spring break, I have as of yet, nothing planned but I know I will end up having to do a lot. So in my life I have:
1) RCSA volunteering: high school seniors are coming to check out Berkeley and I signed up to volunteer to answer questions. I love this because you get to talk to strangers and you're in the position of power. LOVE! I get to do this next weekend in socal, and I hear it's incredibly tiring. It's straight talking from 8-4 ... like absolutely no break. Then you go out and blow off $64 for dinner. I guess $64 is not that much, including tip and tax. What am I saying ... I usually try to spend $10 a meal. I hear we're going to a delicious sushi place - so I'm debating whether to get a shitload of special rolls, or one of those combos that no one ever gets because they're so expensive. Hmm...
2) Work: I've actually skipped a lot of hours because of volunteering. Sigh. I want to make more money. I've planned out my paycheck. Tuesday = new pair of jeans. Thursday = new pair of heels. Friday = new purse. Next Tuesday = bikini. Next Thursday = Boots. Next Friday = more tshirts. THEN I'll begin saving.
3) School: I officially don't understand economics anymore and I refuse to go to lecture. I don't think I could do any better on homework even if I went to lecture. That professor really pisses me off. Terrible lecturer!
4) Gymming: Agh! I've been so busy these past few days that I didn't even go to the gym yesterday. I went running just now, which is why I'm all dirty. Maybe I should have showered first. Well, I really want to lose all my stomach fat by the beginning of spring break. Let's see how that goes. Yesterday, I magically had the stomach I've been working for, but then today it just got progressively worse. *cries* It'll never be good enough
5) Edu96: Is the class where I teach 2nd graders science. I know ... ME? CHILDREN?! I am quite terrifed too. Today was the first day we went to teach. I had to wake up at 7:30 ... which is actually not at all earlier than I normally wake up. But somehow, knowing I HAD to wake up at 7:30 made me very anxious so I ended up waking up at 6:15. The day before, I had to wake up at 7:15 and I ended up waking up at 5:40. Very weird biological clock. This is after sleeping at 1:30 both days.
So first impressions, I thought the teacher was incredibly mean. She's very controlling and likes things done her way. Usually we're supposed to have control of the class and the teacher just lets you do whatever you want. But she kept interrupting and leading the class. She's also very mean to the students in my opinion, and I think she says some pretty hurtful things. I excused a lot of kids to recess but some of them just left, since we were running a little late. I didn't really care, but when she went out, she came back with one kid, and was yelling at him for leaving without being checked off. I was like ... whoa. So Angelica and I walked out of there like W..T..F.
But later I talked to other people in the class and they were like "I know exactly how she comes off but she really cares about the students." I guess she was the one who actually started this entire fun in science program, where Berkeley students come to teach kids and do science experiments with them. And after hearing other students' stories about crazy teachers, and then the leader of our class explaining why they're like that ... it's very interesting. I mean, I know teachers have lives outside of school, but you still think teachers all sort of fit a particular mold. Like they HAVE to be nice and extremely patient or else they're bad teachers. But there are a lot of different ways to treat kids, and they can still be effective. I can tell that the students I teach learn a LOT and a large part of that is because the teacher is so controlling and demanding of her students.
And the kids... omg there are some really cute ones. As a teacher, I love the really shy kids. SOO cute. But there are a few that annoyed me within the first hour I worked with them. The interesting thing is that ... they totally fit the stereotype. And when I told Angelica this, she knew who I was talking about and while she somewhat agreed with me, she reminded me how last semester, she noticed that adults see small characteristics appear in kids, and they immediately label them. Like, one of the kids I'm talking about, to be very non-pc, was a kind of chubby black kid. He was pretty rude sometimes and I could easily see him in a few years being those loud, talky guys you hear on the street and assume he's up to no good. But if he does become that, maybe it was partly because adults steered him in that direction. I guess you have to remember that these kids are still growing and become nothing like what they are now.
Panda Puffs are so sugary. I should go shower.
You have no idea how nice it is to have a functioning keyboard. Thank your computer now.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Schooltime
I find myself very busy and I haven't even begun work yet. Uh oh. The good thing is that when I look at my list of homework to do, it's actually not that much. The bad thing is that I'm still constantly stressed, for what is apparently no reason. I need to go gym now so I can't elaborate. You can assume I'm stressed by the usual school, need to diet, need to gym, and now the additional need to look for an apartment.
This link will be dead in a matter of days, but why can't anything this cute be near UC Berkeley? :(
This link will be dead in a matter of days, but why can't anything this cute be near UC Berkeley? :(
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Classes and stuff
Oh, I forgot to blog about this. Wow, three posts in a day. It's like ... drought ... MONSOON! Anyway...
For some reason that I haven't quite figured out yet, there are a LOT of old people in my film studies class. And by old people, I don't mean grad students, but people who I am fairly certain are retired. I can't imagine that there would be that many people going back to school so late, or that they would all happen to take film studies. I wonder if there is some sort of program where you just take one class for fun.
I heart old people. Correction, I heart old white people. They seem so much more approachable. I want to sit next to them and become their friend, although that would be very hard. It's very interesting because usually there are certain people in the class who are always eager to partcipate. Well, in this class it's all the old people participating and raising their hand! And now, when someone my age talks, I can feel the entire room kind of go like "I wonder what this young person has to say" and at the same time, when an older person speaks it's like "Wow these are the words of a very wise person. Obviously. Just look at how old he/she is!" I also liked when someone was talking and the professor was like "can everyone hear that?" and this entire row of old ladies in front of me all shook their heads in slight annoyance.
I got rid of my women's studies class! I called my friend Angelica and she got me into two classes that sound infinitely better. One is a physics and music class, which is like learning about the physics of sound, specifically music. The lectures are insane. So much funding. The head GSI is her boyfriend who I've become friends with. He said the class got about $15,000 in grants which sounds insane. You can really tell too. You sit in the class and it's the kind where you can imagine someone filming it, showing it as an example of "classes of the future." Time flies by so quickly. They really put the laptop to use - it's inspiring to see just how much you can do with a computer besides making powerpoint lecture presentations. There's also really cool demonstrations. When I went, the ending demonstration was using a pitch to shatter a wine glass.
Then I'm taking this education class where I go out and teach elementary kids science. I was thinking about it, and I'm kind of like "oh wow ... what if this is the event that makes me want children? OR WORSE, want to become a teacher?" I go out and teach kids for an hour once a week with Angelica, which should be super fun. I'm a little scared though. We're teaching a class of deaf kids, and although we'll have two interpreters this will be significantly harder than teaching a regular class, which I was already apprehensive about. I'm not exactly the most patient person and I hope I don't end up getting annoyed at some innocent little kid.
Other classes... IEOR ... I always viewed this as a business class because it's a core for Haas students. But I'm starting to realize that IEOR (industrial engineering operations research) is an ACTUAL major. Ok, if I really thought about it, I would have known, but I never thought about it. We did an activity today, which I immediately figured out was just an example of game theory, which we went over a little in business and people would be like "this is so weird. I don't get the point of this at all" and I was like "well you have to figure out if someone's going to backstab you." It was just very weird. It seemed like people couldn't relate it to business and I was like ?! That makes me sound like a bitch, but so it is.
Anyway, I also never really considered this an actual engineering class and to make conversation with my group, I was like "wow there are a lot more guys in this class huh" and they were like "are you kidding?! this is like, the most girls I ever see in a class." They were both in engineering related fields. And that was when I realized ... wow. So this is what it's like to be in an engineering class (not really). I've always had more girls than guys. But wow. I used to think "if you really want to find a boyfriend, just go into an engineering class and you can just take your pick." But looking around the class ... ew. I would not want to date any of these people. I'm sorry ... but business boys are far hotter. So clean cut. Yum.
Oh. I thought this was funny. People said this at the Chinese New Year's Eve dinner I went to yesterday.
"Wait what's the difference between tax and auditing?"
"Auditing is where you go to a company and make sure their numbers are right"
"Oh! And tax is where you help companies cheat"
"Yeah."
I need to finish my paper. Two more inches. OH WAIT! HAHA It's not a one-page response. It's a 450-500 word response. Hey! I'm already done! 15 words over. I guess I was actually done 20 minutes ago. Wow. What a pleasant surprise. I guess I can go to sleep now. I've made it a goal to sleep at midnight from now on. It's worked fairly well so far. I keep waking up at 7. Uh oh, I have a lot to do tomorrow. I hate the idea of doing work. Poo.
Looking forward for tomorrow: I'm going to watch a movie. I don't know what movie, but I will watch it. I will eat a banana wrap. I will get officially enrolled into my final class. I will eat very little. I will go on the elliptical. I will reread all my business chapters and completely understand all the little abbreviations. I will not stress out.
For some reason that I haven't quite figured out yet, there are a LOT of old people in my film studies class. And by old people, I don't mean grad students, but people who I am fairly certain are retired. I can't imagine that there would be that many people going back to school so late, or that they would all happen to take film studies. I wonder if there is some sort of program where you just take one class for fun.
I heart old people. Correction, I heart old white people. They seem so much more approachable. I want to sit next to them and become their friend, although that would be very hard. It's very interesting because usually there are certain people in the class who are always eager to partcipate. Well, in this class it's all the old people participating and raising their hand! And now, when someone my age talks, I can feel the entire room kind of go like "I wonder what this young person has to say" and at the same time, when an older person speaks it's like "Wow these are the words of a very wise person. Obviously. Just look at how old he/she is!" I also liked when someone was talking and the professor was like "can everyone hear that?" and this entire row of old ladies in front of me all shook their heads in slight annoyance.
I got rid of my women's studies class! I called my friend Angelica and she got me into two classes that sound infinitely better. One is a physics and music class, which is like learning about the physics of sound, specifically music. The lectures are insane. So much funding. The head GSI is her boyfriend who I've become friends with. He said the class got about $15,000 in grants which sounds insane. You can really tell too. You sit in the class and it's the kind where you can imagine someone filming it, showing it as an example of "classes of the future." Time flies by so quickly. They really put the laptop to use - it's inspiring to see just how much you can do with a computer besides making powerpoint lecture presentations. There's also really cool demonstrations. When I went, the ending demonstration was using a pitch to shatter a wine glass.
Then I'm taking this education class where I go out and teach elementary kids science. I was thinking about it, and I'm kind of like "oh wow ... what if this is the event that makes me want children? OR WORSE, want to become a teacher?" I go out and teach kids for an hour once a week with Angelica, which should be super fun. I'm a little scared though. We're teaching a class of deaf kids, and although we'll have two interpreters this will be significantly harder than teaching a regular class, which I was already apprehensive about. I'm not exactly the most patient person and I hope I don't end up getting annoyed at some innocent little kid.
Other classes... IEOR ... I always viewed this as a business class because it's a core for Haas students. But I'm starting to realize that IEOR (industrial engineering operations research) is an ACTUAL major. Ok, if I really thought about it, I would have known, but I never thought about it. We did an activity today, which I immediately figured out was just an example of game theory, which we went over a little in business and people would be like "this is so weird. I don't get the point of this at all" and I was like "well you have to figure out if someone's going to backstab you." It was just very weird. It seemed like people couldn't relate it to business and I was like ?! That makes me sound like a bitch, but so it is.
Anyway, I also never really considered this an actual engineering class and to make conversation with my group, I was like "wow there are a lot more guys in this class huh" and they were like "are you kidding?! this is like, the most girls I ever see in a class." They were both in engineering related fields. And that was when I realized ... wow. So this is what it's like to be in an engineering class (not really). I've always had more girls than guys. But wow. I used to think "if you really want to find a boyfriend, just go into an engineering class and you can just take your pick." But looking around the class ... ew. I would not want to date any of these people. I'm sorry ... but business boys are far hotter. So clean cut. Yum.
Oh. I thought this was funny. People said this at the Chinese New Year's Eve dinner I went to yesterday.
"Wait what's the difference between tax and auditing?"
"Auditing is where you go to a company and make sure their numbers are right"
"Oh! And tax is where you help companies cheat"
"Yeah."
I need to finish my paper. Two more inches. OH WAIT! HAHA It's not a one-page response. It's a 450-500 word response. Hey! I'm already done! 15 words over. I guess I was actually done 20 minutes ago. Wow. What a pleasant surprise. I guess I can go to sleep now. I've made it a goal to sleep at midnight from now on. It's worked fairly well so far. I keep waking up at 7. Uh oh, I have a lot to do tomorrow. I hate the idea of doing work. Poo.
Looking forward for tomorrow: I'm going to watch a movie. I don't know what movie, but I will watch it. I will eat a banana wrap. I will get officially enrolled into my final class. I will eat very little. I will go on the elliptical. I will reread all my business chapters and completely understand all the little abbreviations. I will not stress out.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Statistics no more
I've decided not to double in statistics. This makes my schedule about 10x better even though I am not taking very many units now. But wow, I feel like my stress level has gone down by about 5 levels and the past few days, I've been kind of sitting around doing nothing. Uh oh. I realized I actually have some reading to do but I haven't done anything today except socialize with people and my brain can't really quiet down and sit down to do work. Anyway, yay! No more statistics. I talked to my friend today who gave me a lot of good business insight and made me realize that statistics is really not that important in the business world, especially for an auditor. So yay. I'm glad. I don't think I'll regret this in two years, which is what I really worry about. I just like to live life without regretting anything, and I think I can say that I don't have any real regrets. Only the constant "I shouldn't have eaten that" but nothing significant. I feel like I just escaped something that could have been potentially harmful to the rest of my college years.
On another note, I just ate half a bag of peanut M&Ms and I'm starting to break out already. I hate you! Cleverly packaged bag of candy that looks so delicious.
I'm EXTREMELY excited for March 14th when I go down to LA for my club. Basically, my club is paying for the flights, the shuttle that will be taking us from school to the airport (SHUTTLE! NO LAME BART RIDE), the really nice hotel we'll be staying at, AND $64 of meals PER DAY. Not only that, but for two days the hotel will be providing us food so it's like $64 PER MEAL. I'm insanely excited. It feels like I'm going to a business trip, which it kind of is. A business trip SLASH sleepover because we're sharing rooms. And I'm using the company credit card... HEHEHE. Awesomeness. My friend said we can go to Sushi House when we get back Sunday night and pool in all our money together and basically buy about $192 worth of sushi. OMG. I cannot wait. How many times in your life can you eat whatever the hell you want with absolutely no care about whose money you're spending? Not very often, I say.
I realized that RCSA is freaking awesome if you're really involved with it. There are many reasons, but the time I began to realize it was over winter break when Owen and Eric mentioned something about how they wish they could go to an event where people served them food on platters. And I realized about 10 seconds later, after the conversation had already moved onto something else, that I have been to several events for my club where people run around and serve you. Actual caterers who give you little finger foods and drinks! You can also experience this when you go to company info sessions - I remember KPMG had pretty good food. Unless you're super rich and go to nice events, this doesn't happen very often, if ever, in life.
Ok. I'm really happy now. Partly because of my super relaxing schedule. Partly because I talked to people today. But ... as always I must complain.
MUST GET SUPER THIN BY MARCH 14th!
On another note, I just ate half a bag of peanut M&Ms and I'm starting to break out already. I hate you! Cleverly packaged bag of candy that looks so delicious.
I'm EXTREMELY excited for March 14th when I go down to LA for my club. Basically, my club is paying for the flights, the shuttle that will be taking us from school to the airport (SHUTTLE! NO LAME BART RIDE), the really nice hotel we'll be staying at, AND $64 of meals PER DAY. Not only that, but for two days the hotel will be providing us food so it's like $64 PER MEAL. I'm insanely excited. It feels like I'm going to a business trip, which it kind of is. A business trip SLASH sleepover because we're sharing rooms. And I'm using the company credit card... HEHEHE. Awesomeness. My friend said we can go to Sushi House when we get back Sunday night and pool in all our money together and basically buy about $192 worth of sushi. OMG. I cannot wait. How many times in your life can you eat whatever the hell you want with absolutely no care about whose money you're spending? Not very often, I say.
I realized that RCSA is freaking awesome if you're really involved with it. There are many reasons, but the time I began to realize it was over winter break when Owen and Eric mentioned something about how they wish they could go to an event where people served them food on platters. And I realized about 10 seconds later, after the conversation had already moved onto something else, that I have been to several events for my club where people run around and serve you. Actual caterers who give you little finger foods and drinks! You can also experience this when you go to company info sessions - I remember KPMG had pretty good food. Unless you're super rich and go to nice events, this doesn't happen very often, if ever, in life.
Ok. I'm really happy now. Partly because of my super relaxing schedule. Partly because I talked to people today. But ... as always I must complain.
MUST GET SUPER THIN BY MARCH 14th!
Monday, January 28, 2008
So I was sitting in math class...
How my math discussion went today:
10:08 - The girl next to me asks if I knew how to do one of the homework problems. That's when I find out for a fact what I have been suspecting: that I have the wrong textbook. The problems and the chapters are off, which means I did the wrong homework, even though a few of the problems are the correct ones. I tell her I have the wrong book, and while I did try doing the problem she's asking about, I did not actually complete it.
10:10 - Class begins. I am reminded of my dislike of GSIs with accents. And my stronger dislike for GSIs with accents who are shy and speak very softly. Boris, my foreign GSI, you seem very nice and the sort of person who enjoys visiting your grandma and knitting a quilt with her or whatever, but learning math from you is not helping at all.
10:15 - We get split up into groups. I immediately tell my two partners that I have absolutely no idea what's going on in the class, so I probably won't be any help
10:17 - While the other two students are working out the problems, I realize that even though I spent about five hours on math yesterday, I still don't know anything about trig substitution or whatever we're doing. And then I start thinking about what classes I WOULD take if I weren't going to double in statistics and how my schedule would change, and whether I really honestly think I could survive this class. I come to the conclusion that no, I will not survive this class.
11:00 - I delightfully stick earbuds into my ears and speedwalk out of class, deciding not to think about this class again. Until it meets again on Wednesday.
Basically, at the end of discussion, I was 100% certain that I would not be returning to Math1B. I pretty much decided that I was not going to double in statistics. Sometime in my business class, I had the idea of maybe minoring in Chinese, but I doubt that would ever happen. But now that a few hours have passed and math class is just a vague thought, I'm back to the "if I just study very hard, I'm sure I can do it" mode of thought.
So ... I really don't know.
Pros of majoring in statistics:
- I like knowing what classes I have to take, and if I don't double major in something, I'm going to end up taking a bunch of random classes which is kind of useless and stresses me out
- I like saying to people "I'm majoring in business administration with a concentration on accounting and I'm also doubling in statistics." It sounds very definite and self-assured, and it has a little ring to it.
- I don't have to worry about finding new classes to take, which I'm not even sure if I can do if I didn't go to the first day of class
- I'm sure a double major never hurt anyone before
- My probability textbook will not go to waste
- My schedule is all nice and blocky
Cons of majoring in statistics:
- I think in a week, I might start crying in math classes and discussions. No lie.
- I'm not even sure I really like statistics. I just got a really good grade in Stats21, which is admittedly not very hard
- I think I might have just majored in statistics because I really liked my stats GSI. Which is probably the worst idea ever
- I don't want to have to buy another math book that is essentially the same thing that I already have, just numbered differently
- Have I mentioned how I don't know a THING about integrals? And this is supposed to be the easier part of the course
ARGH. If I had known in freshman year that I would want to major in statistics, I would have taken math1b second semester freshman year, math 1b would be a breeze, I could have taken stats 21 the next year, and gone on with my merry way. NOOO instead I had to wait A YEAR so that I completely forgot everything and have to pick up from scratch.
How I decided to take statistics:
1) Decided to apply to Haas
2) Haas has a prerequisite of Statistics 21
3) Took statistics 21 spring semester freshman year
4) Really liked statistics GSI. Went to office hours a lot and just did homework there
5) Homework and test grades went really well because I went to office hours so much
6) Got an A+ in the class
7) Figured that statistics was kind of fun
8) Signed up for film studies 50
9) Thought that film studies 50 was going to be cancelled
10) Dropped out of the class and looked for new classes to take instead
11) Decided that I should find a second major so my classes would be more structured
12) Decided to double major in statistics
I think there are several flaws to my logic of doubling in statistics. The main one: because I thought I wouldn't be taking my film studies class. In the end, I did.
ARGH!!! STILL don't know what to do. It's also an hour later. I want to nap. And throw up the lasagna I just ate.
Well stupid blogger won't let me post because they're doing site maintenance. So I will write more. I'm flipping through my statistics book and it looks very daunting. But then again, if you never knew about a subject and flipped through the textbook, you'd be totally WTF but once you start learning, you're like "oh this is actually not that bad."
I don't know. That is the theme of this post. I don't know. I'm really a firm believer that if you just study, you'll do well, as long as the teacher is a fair grader. And if that's true, there should be no reason for me to not take math, because I have no problem with putting effort into school. I guess I just don't know if I really think it's worth it, and it just seems very impossible right now. Which is really weird because I've never felt this way about a class. ARGH. I'm very lucky to have gone through almost 14 years of school and never had to think "there's absolutely no way I can do well in this class, no matter how hard I try." Until now I guess.
10:08 - The girl next to me asks if I knew how to do one of the homework problems. That's when I find out for a fact what I have been suspecting: that I have the wrong textbook. The problems and the chapters are off, which means I did the wrong homework, even though a few of the problems are the correct ones. I tell her I have the wrong book, and while I did try doing the problem she's asking about, I did not actually complete it.
10:10 - Class begins. I am reminded of my dislike of GSIs with accents. And my stronger dislike for GSIs with accents who are shy and speak very softly. Boris, my foreign GSI, you seem very nice and the sort of person who enjoys visiting your grandma and knitting a quilt with her or whatever, but learning math from you is not helping at all.
10:15 - We get split up into groups. I immediately tell my two partners that I have absolutely no idea what's going on in the class, so I probably won't be any help
10:17 - While the other two students are working out the problems, I realize that even though I spent about five hours on math yesterday, I still don't know anything about trig substitution or whatever we're doing. And then I start thinking about what classes I WOULD take if I weren't going to double in statistics and how my schedule would change, and whether I really honestly think I could survive this class. I come to the conclusion that no, I will not survive this class.
11:00 - I delightfully stick earbuds into my ears and speedwalk out of class, deciding not to think about this class again. Until it meets again on Wednesday.
Basically, at the end of discussion, I was 100% certain that I would not be returning to Math1B. I pretty much decided that I was not going to double in statistics. Sometime in my business class, I had the idea of maybe minoring in Chinese, but I doubt that would ever happen. But now that a few hours have passed and math class is just a vague thought, I'm back to the "if I just study very hard, I'm sure I can do it" mode of thought.
So ... I really don't know.
Pros of majoring in statistics:
- I like knowing what classes I have to take, and if I don't double major in something, I'm going to end up taking a bunch of random classes which is kind of useless and stresses me out
- I like saying to people "I'm majoring in business administration with a concentration on accounting and I'm also doubling in statistics." It sounds very definite and self-assured, and it has a little ring to it.
- I don't have to worry about finding new classes to take, which I'm not even sure if I can do if I didn't go to the first day of class
- I'm sure a double major never hurt anyone before
- My probability textbook will not go to waste
- My schedule is all nice and blocky
Cons of majoring in statistics:
- I think in a week, I might start crying in math classes and discussions. No lie.
- I'm not even sure I really like statistics. I just got a really good grade in Stats21, which is admittedly not very hard
- I think I might have just majored in statistics because I really liked my stats GSI. Which is probably the worst idea ever
- I don't want to have to buy another math book that is essentially the same thing that I already have, just numbered differently
- Have I mentioned how I don't know a THING about integrals? And this is supposed to be the easier part of the course
ARGH. If I had known in freshman year that I would want to major in statistics, I would have taken math1b second semester freshman year, math 1b would be a breeze, I could have taken stats 21 the next year, and gone on with my merry way. NOOO instead I had to wait A YEAR so that I completely forgot everything and have to pick up from scratch.
How I decided to take statistics:
1) Decided to apply to Haas
2) Haas has a prerequisite of Statistics 21
3) Took statistics 21 spring semester freshman year
4) Really liked statistics GSI. Went to office hours a lot and just did homework there
5) Homework and test grades went really well because I went to office hours so much
6) Got an A+ in the class
7) Figured that statistics was kind of fun
8) Signed up for film studies 50
9) Thought that film studies 50 was going to be cancelled
10) Dropped out of the class and looked for new classes to take instead
11) Decided that I should find a second major so my classes would be more structured
12) Decided to double major in statistics
I think there are several flaws to my logic of doubling in statistics. The main one: because I thought I wouldn't be taking my film studies class. In the end, I did.
ARGH!!! STILL don't know what to do. It's also an hour later. I want to nap. And throw up the lasagna I just ate.
Well stupid blogger won't let me post because they're doing site maintenance. So I will write more. I'm flipping through my statistics book and it looks very daunting. But then again, if you never knew about a subject and flipped through the textbook, you'd be totally WTF but once you start learning, you're like "oh this is actually not that bad."
I don't know. That is the theme of this post. I don't know. I'm really a firm believer that if you just study, you'll do well, as long as the teacher is a fair grader. And if that's true, there should be no reason for me to not take math, because I have no problem with putting effort into school. I guess I just don't know if I really think it's worth it, and it just seems very impossible right now. Which is really weird because I've never felt this way about a class. ARGH. I'm very lucky to have gone through almost 14 years of school and never had to think "there's absolutely no way I can do well in this class, no matter how hard I try." Until now I guess.
Friday, January 25, 2008
School has begun. End life
Wow, so while it was winter break, I would have to resist posting 3x a day, but now that it's schooltime, suddenly it's 5 days after my last post and I haven't even thought of blogging. School has felt very hectic. I don't know why people told me to go to SD on the first week, because if it were me, I would be way too stressed out to have friends over. There's readers to buy and classes to find and homework to do in a very short amount of time. I'm used to doing all my homework on the weekend and doing nothing during the week, but the first week of a semester is always "AHHH must do things before TOMORROW!" which is kind of insane.
It has been fun so far. I play wii with my floormates and it is awesome. I never improve though, so you wouldn't even know that I play when I go back to Arcadia. I went to the gym today with some floormates which was oddly fun. We all did different things and just met up after we finished. I usually hate going to the gym with others because they always do the same thing right next to me. Afterwards, we just went to the second level and sat on the stretching mats and ended up talking. Mainly me about Arcadia and the bizarreness that is our school.
I also have been rewatching Alias with Alvin and sometimes Chrystal. Watching Alias with these two is a lot less fun because Chrystal is very critical whereas Alvin knows so much random facts that he can pick apart the inconsistencies and falsities of the show. Example:
Show: Rambaldi did this in the Americas in the 1400s
Alvin: UHHH YOU MEAN BEFORE THEY EVEN KNEW THE AMERICAS EXISTED?
Alvin slept over in the dorm yesterday and even though I was already asleep by the time he went to sleep, it was super fun. I wish I could have more sleepovers. I need friends who can sleepover at my place.
Impressions of my classes:
Math1B: WHATTT THE FUCKKK. I am seriously going to fail this class unless I sit down and read a semester's worth of math in a weekend. Because this class is supposed to be a continuation of Math1A, and you take it right after so there's only a month of break in between the material. Instead, I took math1A my FRESHMAN fall semester and I have absolutely no idea how to do calculus anymore. Not only that, but people who take this class are generally engineers and are intent on doing a crapload of heavy math courses. So, this is a freaking tough weeder class, and I'm taking it as a unknowledgable sophomore. I have never truly been scared of taking a class, but when I saw on the syllabus that 2% get lower than C's, it was the first time I was like "omfg I am going to be in that 2%"
Stat 134: I did not realize you needed a year of calculus as a prereq for the class. He put up five introductory questions, of which I only knew ONE. He basically said "if you aren't comfortable doing this, you should get out of this course." I have the stupid notion that as long as you study hard for a math class, there's no reason why you can't get an A. We'll see how that works out come May
GWS: My women studies class. I kind of want to drop it because I realized that there are a few words I never want to have to read about in a class. They are
- transnational
- postcolonial
- globalization
After my class about California and the World, I was like OMFG I HATE any article that uses these words because I just want to rip my eyes out. But I don't want to drop this class because then it'll ruin my perfectly blocked schedule.
Film 50: Omg the second the professor started talking, I could tell this is probably going to be the best class I ever take at Berkeley. Which is saying a lot, seeing as how I've already taken Astro10 with probably the most highly recommended professor on campus. We have 3 hour lectures on Wednesday, which is when we watch the chosen film, and then 1 1/2 hour discussion on Fridays. I've never heard of any of the films, except Memento which is shown at the very end. They're all fairly old movies, a few of which were made in the NINETEENTH century. It is awesome to know that OUR OWN library has these materials in possession, which our teacher can use to show in class. It sounds really nerdy of me, but the one fact that has stuck with me over the years is that we have the 3rd largest library in the nation, after Yale's and the Library of Congress.
Most of the films shown are on 35mm. Oh yeah, our lecture takes place in a THEATER on campus. Not a shabby little room with a projector but an actual THEATER where someone lowers and raises the lights and we have theater-like seating that is elevated. We actually get printed TICKETS when we enter the classroom. And then the GSI will rip off the stub for you. AWESOME? AWESOME.
Also, the professor obviously knows what she's talking about, and within 20 minutes of her talking, I already felt myself become more appreciative of movies and filmmaking. I want Frances L to come up just so she can go to one of the lectures. *__* seriously
UGBA 101B: This is an upper-level macroeconomics class. I'm pretty confident about my choice of business as my major because I honestly think the material is interesting. It's weird because this class is taken by Haas people mainly, and I could feel a totally different atmosphere within the room. You feel it whenever you enter the Haas building too. It's like ... a feeling of confidence and security, and like everyone knows what they are doing. Maybe I'm just projecting, but I think it's true.
IEOR: This is a "leadership" class, like how to be a good leader. There were a few things that my professor has already done that I really hate in a teacher:
- has a quiz after the first reading. Professors who do this are trying to claim that the class is to be taken seriously and yes, you absolutely must do all the reading. Usually, it turns out that the professor is extremely easy and is just trying to prove something that they aren't.
- wastes paper. She gaves us a giant envelope full of papers printed with things that didn't take up much space. Ok, for the project at hand, it was much more useful and would have been a lot more stressful if she hadn't wasted so much paper, but it still pissed me off
- talks for 4x longer than she has to. There's really no need to clarify things SO fucking CLEARLY.
Ok. Wow, I have been talking to Danny for a long time. I guess this is one of those fabled times when "Danny suddenly talks a lot, when you don't expect him to." I heart you friends
Edit: Dude. I talked to Danny for over an hour straight. Well over an hour. It was like ... non-stop conversation. Danny's such a mystery
It has been fun so far. I play wii with my floormates and it is awesome. I never improve though, so you wouldn't even know that I play when I go back to Arcadia. I went to the gym today with some floormates which was oddly fun. We all did different things and just met up after we finished. I usually hate going to the gym with others because they always do the same thing right next to me. Afterwards, we just went to the second level and sat on the stretching mats and ended up talking. Mainly me about Arcadia and the bizarreness that is our school.
I also have been rewatching Alias with Alvin and sometimes Chrystal. Watching Alias with these two is a lot less fun because Chrystal is very critical whereas Alvin knows so much random facts that he can pick apart the inconsistencies and falsities of the show. Example:
Show: Rambaldi did this in the Americas in the 1400s
Alvin: UHHH YOU MEAN BEFORE THEY EVEN KNEW THE AMERICAS EXISTED?
Alvin slept over in the dorm yesterday and even though I was already asleep by the time he went to sleep, it was super fun. I wish I could have more sleepovers. I need friends who can sleepover at my place.
Impressions of my classes:
Math1B: WHATTT THE FUCKKK. I am seriously going to fail this class unless I sit down and read a semester's worth of math in a weekend. Because this class is supposed to be a continuation of Math1A, and you take it right after so there's only a month of break in between the material. Instead, I took math1A my FRESHMAN fall semester and I have absolutely no idea how to do calculus anymore. Not only that, but people who take this class are generally engineers and are intent on doing a crapload of heavy math courses. So, this is a freaking tough weeder class, and I'm taking it as a unknowledgable sophomore. I have never truly been scared of taking a class, but when I saw on the syllabus that 2% get lower than C's, it was the first time I was like "omfg I am going to be in that 2%"
Stat 134: I did not realize you needed a year of calculus as a prereq for the class. He put up five introductory questions, of which I only knew ONE. He basically said "if you aren't comfortable doing this, you should get out of this course." I have the stupid notion that as long as you study hard for a math class, there's no reason why you can't get an A. We'll see how that works out come May
GWS: My women studies class. I kind of want to drop it because I realized that there are a few words I never want to have to read about in a class. They are
- transnational
- postcolonial
- globalization
After my class about California and the World, I was like OMFG I HATE any article that uses these words because I just want to rip my eyes out. But I don't want to drop this class because then it'll ruin my perfectly blocked schedule.
Film 50: Omg the second the professor started talking, I could tell this is probably going to be the best class I ever take at Berkeley. Which is saying a lot, seeing as how I've already taken Astro10 with probably the most highly recommended professor on campus. We have 3 hour lectures on Wednesday, which is when we watch the chosen film, and then 1 1/2 hour discussion on Fridays. I've never heard of any of the films, except Memento which is shown at the very end. They're all fairly old movies, a few of which were made in the NINETEENTH century. It is awesome to know that OUR OWN library has these materials in possession, which our teacher can use to show in class. It sounds really nerdy of me, but the one fact that has stuck with me over the years is that we have the 3rd largest library in the nation, after Yale's and the Library of Congress.
Most of the films shown are on 35mm. Oh yeah, our lecture takes place in a THEATER on campus. Not a shabby little room with a projector but an actual THEATER where someone lowers and raises the lights and we have theater-like seating that is elevated. We actually get printed TICKETS when we enter the classroom. And then the GSI will rip off the stub for you. AWESOME? AWESOME.
Also, the professor obviously knows what she's talking about, and within 20 minutes of her talking, I already felt myself become more appreciative of movies and filmmaking. I want Frances L to come up just so she can go to one of the lectures. *__* seriously
UGBA 101B: This is an upper-level macroeconomics class. I'm pretty confident about my choice of business as my major because I honestly think the material is interesting. It's weird because this class is taken by Haas people mainly, and I could feel a totally different atmosphere within the room. You feel it whenever you enter the Haas building too. It's like ... a feeling of confidence and security, and like everyone knows what they are doing. Maybe I'm just projecting, but I think it's true.
IEOR: This is a "leadership" class, like how to be a good leader. There were a few things that my professor has already done that I really hate in a teacher:
- has a quiz after the first reading. Professors who do this are trying to claim that the class is to be taken seriously and yes, you absolutely must do all the reading. Usually, it turns out that the professor is extremely easy and is just trying to prove something that they aren't.
- wastes paper. She gaves us a giant envelope full of papers printed with things that didn't take up much space. Ok, for the project at hand, it was much more useful and would have been a lot more stressful if she hadn't wasted so much paper, but it still pissed me off
- talks for 4x longer than she has to. There's really no need to clarify things SO fucking CLEARLY.
Ok. Wow, I have been talking to Danny for a long time. I guess this is one of those fabled times when "Danny suddenly talks a lot, when you don't expect him to." I heart you friends
Edit: Dude. I talked to Danny for over an hour straight. Well over an hour. It was like ... non-stop conversation. Danny's such a mystery
Friday, January 18, 2008
I will never procrastinate again
I'm slowly accomplishing all the things I should have done at the beginning of break. I'm taking care of all this club stuff (shotglass/mug design and order, e-mails, blah blah blah) but the more I do, the more sad I feel because I keep thinking "I COULD HAVE DONE THIS WEEKS AGO!"
I didn't bring my laptop home so I kind of just used that as an excuse for why I couldn't get things done. In the end though, I just had people e-mail me some information. The more I do, the more I realize how EASY all this work is. If I had just done it EARLY I would have saved myself a lot of stress. Plus, one of my tasks involves ordering things and I had set a goal to have the things ready for pickup by the time school started, which is NOT happening. I don't even know if I can order it before the weekend. ARGH! I really effing hate myself. FUCK ME for procrastinating.
I hope I take this lesson to heart and actually NEVER EVER procrastinate again. I went from feeling really stressed out to just feeling really guilty and terrible about myself. I don't know if anyone will really really care that I didn't get this done immediately, but I still feel really bad about it. AGH! I need to like ... print this entry out and tape it to my table, so every time I open a game of minesweeper or pick up a new tv show to watch, I remember this feeling of self letdown and guilt.
HATE. MYSELF.
I didn't bring my laptop home so I kind of just used that as an excuse for why I couldn't get things done. In the end though, I just had people e-mail me some information. The more I do, the more I realize how EASY all this work is. If I had just done it EARLY I would have saved myself a lot of stress. Plus, one of my tasks involves ordering things and I had set a goal to have the things ready for pickup by the time school started, which is NOT happening. I don't even know if I can order it before the weekend. ARGH! I really effing hate myself. FUCK ME for procrastinating.
I hope I take this lesson to heart and actually NEVER EVER procrastinate again. I went from feeling really stressed out to just feeling really guilty and terrible about myself. I don't know if anyone will really really care that I didn't get this done immediately, but I still feel really bad about it. AGH! I need to like ... print this entry out and tape it to my table, so every time I open a game of minesweeper or pick up a new tv show to watch, I remember this feeling of self letdown and guilt.
HATE. MYSELF.
Monday, December 24, 2007
AGH heartattack
The first thing I do every day now is check bearfacts for my grades. I check this throughout the day, and it generally isn't changed so I don't expect it to have any new grades besides my econ grade. I checked today and saw that another grade had been posted and I had a minor stress attack before seeing the grade. It was for comparative literature, the other class that I already kind of knew that I would get an A in. It just goes downhill from here...
I just drank water from a cup that had a bug in it. -__-
I just drank water from a cup that had a bug in it. -__-
Thursday, December 13, 2007
I should write e-mails to my mom
I never noticed before but I actually really enjoy reading my mom's emails. The e-mail I got today:
Melissa,
Do you need any food? Let me know ASAP. Don't forget to visit new doctor for 1st time. One reason is to eatablish your new "account"? (what's the other proper term) with new doctor. You don't want when emergency happens and there 's no record in their office. So go today or tomorrow. Just tell them you fell you need X-ray. They will send you to the lab. Your doctor visit co-payment is $5 only. No fees for lab. Don't get ripped off. Bye. Take care!
Today is the first day of finals! But not for me. It's finals for all the freshmen who take Chem1A or Math1A, which is just about every freshman who didn't grow up detesting math or science. It's really weird because when I walk down the hall, it's really empty and I know it's because everyone is sitting in some giant room right now, writing away.
I also keep saying "midterms" instead of finals, because I really don't feel like the semester is over. Partly because I don't feel like I've actually learned anything from half of my classes. And also because I'm not itching for school to end. I actually want it to be next semester already. Right now I'm in the state of mind like "OMG I totally have to work my ass off next semester. I'm going to be a work whore" but by the time winter break ends I'm going to be like "ugh school? Why do I have to work?" Also, I feel like there's not really a goal GPA to get. Obviously, I can't flunk all my classes because that would reflect poorly on my resume. But then, I don't feel like it's completely necessary to get straight A's to get a job. Although maybe I do if I want to work for a big4. But still, this is the first time in a long time that I'm not super stressed about grades or really worried about doing well. I think I need to fool myself into thinking that I will be unemployable unless I get straight A's from here on out.
Time to gym. Chrystal freaked out about getting fat yesterday. Whenever people freak out, I freak out too because then I'm like OH NO someone in the world think they're fat! I need to get thin too. I am also unfortunately wearing my fat underwear today, which gives me stomach fat rolls. Something to do with how high it is and how it pinches my stomach. Unfun. I usually save that underwear for days when I feel thin, so the next day I'm like "yes, there is still more you can do to lose weight." But yesterday I just grabbed it out my drawer without thinking. Sigh sigh. Must work out!
Crazy idea I had: When I feel hungry, I go to the gym! Because after I exercise, I always feel like I don't feel like eating. Flaws in the plan? I THINK NOT.
Finally - this is like the entry of misc thoughts - I'm now hooked on a show. Aliens in America! It's a 30min comedy on the CW. I know: THE CW? WTF!? Unless the show is named Veronica Mars, it couldn't possibly be good right? Surprisingly WRONG. Aliens in America is HILARIOUS. I laughed out loud a LOT at the first episode I watched. It's really well-written and has really really good music. There is also an absurdly normal number of Asian people on the show. I'm not someone who goes WE NEED MORE ASIANS ON TV. ASIAN POWER but when it does happen, it's like WOW. A show that's not only white people. *cough* the oc *cough* This is the first episode I watched. You all HAVE to watch it because finals are over for most of you, and for those who still have finals, you need a break.
Click here for a good time
I know there's a bunch of lazy people out there who won't click on a LINK so from the very sparse collection of youtube videos:
Melissa,
Do you need any food? Let me know ASAP. Don't forget to visit new doctor for 1st time. One reason is to eatablish your new "account"? (what's the other proper term) with new doctor. You don't want when emergency happens and there 's no record in their office. So go today or tomorrow. Just tell them you fell you need X-ray. They will send you to the lab. Your doctor visit co-payment is $5 only. No fees for lab. Don't get ripped off. Bye. Take care!
Today is the first day of finals! But not for me. It's finals for all the freshmen who take Chem1A or Math1A, which is just about every freshman who didn't grow up detesting math or science. It's really weird because when I walk down the hall, it's really empty and I know it's because everyone is sitting in some giant room right now, writing away.
I also keep saying "midterms" instead of finals, because I really don't feel like the semester is over. Partly because I don't feel like I've actually learned anything from half of my classes. And also because I'm not itching for school to end. I actually want it to be next semester already. Right now I'm in the state of mind like "OMG I totally have to work my ass off next semester. I'm going to be a work whore" but by the time winter break ends I'm going to be like "ugh school? Why do I have to work?" Also, I feel like there's not really a goal GPA to get. Obviously, I can't flunk all my classes because that would reflect poorly on my resume. But then, I don't feel like it's completely necessary to get straight A's to get a job. Although maybe I do if I want to work for a big4. But still, this is the first time in a long time that I'm not super stressed about grades or really worried about doing well. I think I need to fool myself into thinking that I will be unemployable unless I get straight A's from here on out.
Time to gym. Chrystal freaked out about getting fat yesterday. Whenever people freak out, I freak out too because then I'm like OH NO someone in the world think they're fat! I need to get thin too. I am also unfortunately wearing my fat underwear today, which gives me stomach fat rolls. Something to do with how high it is and how it pinches my stomach. Unfun. I usually save that underwear for days when I feel thin, so the next day I'm like "yes, there is still more you can do to lose weight." But yesterday I just grabbed it out my drawer without thinking. Sigh sigh. Must work out!
Crazy idea I had: When I feel hungry, I go to the gym! Because after I exercise, I always feel like I don't feel like eating. Flaws in the plan? I THINK NOT.
Finally - this is like the entry of misc thoughts - I'm now hooked on a show. Aliens in America! It's a 30min comedy on the CW. I know: THE CW? WTF!? Unless the show is named Veronica Mars, it couldn't possibly be good right? Surprisingly WRONG. Aliens in America is HILARIOUS. I laughed out loud a LOT at the first episode I watched. It's really well-written and has really really good music. There is also an absurdly normal number of Asian people on the show. I'm not someone who goes WE NEED MORE ASIANS ON TV. ASIAN POWER but when it does happen, it's like WOW. A show that's not only white people. *cough* the oc *cough* This is the first episode I watched. You all HAVE to watch it because finals are over for most of you, and for those who still have finals, you need a break.
Click here for a good time
I know there's a bunch of lazy people out there who won't click on a LINK so from the very sparse collection of youtube videos:
Monday, December 10, 2007
I should have gone to office hours
I can't stop thinking about my demography grade. Partly because I keep studying demography. I went to the review session, where we went over the practice final and I'm more relieved because I could at least understand what was going on. Now I just have to go home and study equations like mad. But I keep thinking about how I probably could have gotten an A, possibly even an A+ in the class if I had just gone to my gsi's office hours to review homework problems that I didn't understand. I did it for statistics last year and I got a good grade. I didn't really think about how important homework was (30% of my grade). If I had just gone through homework problems, I would have gotten 100% on homework, and I would not have to freak out about the final at all.
I'm trying not to think about my computer science class because if I do, I'm going to freak out even more. I'm not sure what I got on my project, which is the main part of my grade. I can't believe I didn't freak out more when I got a 70% and a 80% on my midterms. At that rate, I'm hoping for a 90% on the final. Heh.
Next semester:
- Aim for A+s and slowly readjust goals as year goes on, instead of aiming for nothing and realizing a week before finals that I'm not very happy with my grades
The only good thing is the two classes I'll probably get B's in are 1) the least important prerequisite for Haas and 2) a breadth course
I'm trying not to think about my computer science class because if I do, I'm going to freak out even more. I'm not sure what I got on my project, which is the main part of my grade. I can't believe I didn't freak out more when I got a 70% and a 80% on my midterms. At that rate, I'm hoping for a 90% on the final. Heh.
Next semester:
- Aim for A+s and slowly readjust goals as year goes on, instead of aiming for nothing and realizing a week before finals that I'm not very happy with my grades
The only good thing is the two classes I'll probably get B's in are 1) the least important prerequisite for Haas and 2) a breadth course
I should have done P/NP
I've never taken a practice test where I didn't know anything. Until JUST NOW. I've been so frantic about studying for economics that I pushed everything aside. Now I realize that I'm actually in danger of getting a C or lower in my demography class. HAAAAAAA. I have a 75% average on my homework, a really bizarre 90% on my midterm that I still have no idea how I got, a project worth 10% of my grade, and this upcoming final. Oh my god. I just did the math and there's no way I can get an A. Actually, I could get a 89.5% if I pull a 100% on my final which ... will not happen.
I can get a 69% on my final and get a B-. If I can't get an A though, I would like a B+ because at least my gpa won't get totally kicked up the ass. Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK. AGH. If I had done P/NP this would not have affected my gpa. Also, then I wouldn't have to care about this final at all. I guess the bright side is that if I didn't have this final to worry about, I'd be doing nothing for the next four days, so at least I have something to do. Called PANICKING.
I'm the kind of person who has to go through a very thorough process of elimination before being satisfied with the right choice. I came to college knowing that I would do business, but I was like "well how do I know FOR SUREEE that I want to do business? Maybe I just don't know what else is out there." So I thought I'd like demography so I took a course. Lesson learned. I know more than I think. DON'T TRY NEW THINGS.
I can get a 69% on my final and get a B-. If I can't get an A though, I would like a B+ because at least my gpa won't get totally kicked up the ass. Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK. AGH. If I had done P/NP this would not have affected my gpa. Also, then I wouldn't have to care about this final at all. I guess the bright side is that if I didn't have this final to worry about, I'd be doing nothing for the next four days, so at least I have something to do. Called PANICKING.
I'm the kind of person who has to go through a very thorough process of elimination before being satisfied with the right choice. I came to college knowing that I would do business, but I was like "well how do I know FOR SUREEE that I want to do business? Maybe I just don't know what else is out there." So I thought I'd like demography so I took a course. Lesson learned. I know more than I think. DON'T TRY NEW THINGS.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
My eyes my eyes
I've been studying economics since 11:00 this morning. It's now 9:00 at night. I have only gotten up to go gymming, during which I took a stack of lecture notes to read while on the elliptical. I didn't go swimming and I haven't watched any tv shows or videos today. I have browsed a few websites here and there, but since it's the weekend, nothing is updated anyway. I've spent a lot of time going through my iTunes, clicking next next next and occasionally rediscovering a song that I love. But all in all ... it's been nearly 10 hours of staring at ONE FUCKING TEST.
I'm also really super fat. Ever since Thanksgiving, I have been eating kind of randomly and exercising far less than usual. The thing is that I exercise more than a lot of people, so I don't feel guilty about it. I think I have to realize that I need to exercise a lot more just to stay the size other people are without trying. Chrystal doesn't do any form of exercise, naps all day, and gorges on fattening food just about every day, but she went home for Thanksgiving and was told she looked thinner. *curses the heavens*
My entire meal today consisted of:
Breakfast - cup of hot chocolate (it comes out of a machine where you just push a button and it comes out of a tube. I think it's really bizarrely fast food-ish, but deceivingly tasty), 1 pancake, 1 grapefruit, 1 orange, some scrambled eggs, 1 English muffin with butter
"Meals" After - Apple, Cinnamon Twist bread, 1 Laughing Cow Cheese with crackers, grapes, small mozerrella fresca sandwich
If you think that's a lot, tell me so I can reduce my meals. Otherwise, I look at that, and because most of them can't qualify as meals, I think that it's fairly little food. Yet, I just looked at my stomach and HOLYCRAP it's effing huge. My period better come soon.
I don't know if I want to subject myself to another economics final, start a demography practice final, or just sit and stare at the ceiling. I don't really want to gym again. The cold attacks me when I go outside.
I can tell my body size is going to go downhill very very soon. I've already used up the "backup thinness" that I had from post-Thanksgiving. I probably won't be able to lose as much weight as I'd like before the boys come up to Berkeley (if they do). Once they're here, I will have to take them to all the delicious foods Berkeley has to offer, which will knock me off my diet of spinach leaves and fruit. I also won't be able to exercise. Then we'll be off to Lake Tahoe, where we will eat god knows what, and our only exercise will be tredging through snow. Once we come home from that, it's eating out in Arcadia and stuffing myself with my mother's cooking. Then, if I visit colleges, it's more random eating. Then I'll be back in Berkeley, New Year's will have passed, so the motivation to follow a diet resolution will have passed, and I'll be super fat.
Sometimes it sucks to know myself so well.
One of the infuriating things about Grey's Anatomy is that Meredith Grey knows she can't commit to a relationship. So every time something goes wrong, she blames it on that. But she never actually changes her behavior (although that's changing ever so slowly in recent episodes) because she just goes "I'm dark and twisty inside and that cannot change." It's annoying because you look at that and as a viewer, you think "well if you know what's wrong with you, just change it dumbass!" But I guess if I know what my diet pitfalls will be, and I just let that happen, then I have no reason to hate on Meredith Grey.
Isn't it fun how I can connect tv to my life?
I'm also really super fat. Ever since Thanksgiving, I have been eating kind of randomly and exercising far less than usual. The thing is that I exercise more than a lot of people, so I don't feel guilty about it. I think I have to realize that I need to exercise a lot more just to stay the size other people are without trying. Chrystal doesn't do any form of exercise, naps all day, and gorges on fattening food just about every day, but she went home for Thanksgiving and was told she looked thinner. *curses the heavens*
My entire meal today consisted of:
Breakfast - cup of hot chocolate (it comes out of a machine where you just push a button and it comes out of a tube. I think it's really bizarrely fast food-ish, but deceivingly tasty), 1 pancake, 1 grapefruit, 1 orange, some scrambled eggs, 1 English muffin with butter
"Meals" After - Apple, Cinnamon Twist bread, 1 Laughing Cow Cheese with crackers, grapes, small mozerrella fresca sandwich
If you think that's a lot, tell me so I can reduce my meals. Otherwise, I look at that, and because most of them can't qualify as meals, I think that it's fairly little food. Yet, I just looked at my stomach and HOLYCRAP it's effing huge. My period better come soon.
I don't know if I want to subject myself to another economics final, start a demography practice final, or just sit and stare at the ceiling. I don't really want to gym again. The cold attacks me when I go outside.
I can tell my body size is going to go downhill very very soon. I've already used up the "backup thinness" that I had from post-Thanksgiving. I probably won't be able to lose as much weight as I'd like before the boys come up to Berkeley (if they do). Once they're here, I will have to take them to all the delicious foods Berkeley has to offer, which will knock me off my diet of spinach leaves and fruit. I also won't be able to exercise. Then we'll be off to Lake Tahoe, where we will eat god knows what, and our only exercise will be tredging through snow. Once we come home from that, it's eating out in Arcadia and stuffing myself with my mother's cooking. Then, if I visit colleges, it's more random eating. Then I'll be back in Berkeley, New Year's will have passed, so the motivation to follow a diet resolution will have passed, and I'll be super fat.
Sometimes it sucks to know myself so well.
One of the infuriating things about Grey's Anatomy is that Meredith Grey knows she can't commit to a relationship. So every time something goes wrong, she blames it on that. But she never actually changes her behavior (although that's changing ever so slowly in recent episodes) because she just goes "I'm dark and twisty inside and that cannot change." It's annoying because you look at that and as a viewer, you think "well if you know what's wrong with you, just change it dumbass!" But I guess if I know what my diet pitfalls will be, and I just let that happen, then I have no reason to hate on Meredith Grey.
Isn't it fun how I can connect tv to my life?
Friday, December 7, 2007
I got in I got in!
To Math 1b. YAY. Although it is #51 on the waiting list ... THAT'S OK! I'm on my way to double majoring in statistics!
Also, my schedule is bomb. Everything is in perfect blocks. MWF is basically 9-12 and then NOTHING. I can eat breakfast, go to class, gym, eat lunch, do homework! TuTh is classes straight from 2-6. This means I can still gym around 12:00 as well, so my gymming schedule doesn't shift around too much. I'm super happy. Maybe part of it is also the laughing cow cheese I consumed.
Also, my schedule is bomb. Everything is in perfect blocks. MWF is basically 9-12 and then NOTHING. I can eat breakfast, go to class, gym, eat lunch, do homework! TuTh is classes straight from 2-6. This means I can still gym around 12:00 as well, so my gymming schedule doesn't shift around too much. I'm super happy. Maybe part of it is also the laughing cow cheese I consumed.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
I'd be angry but I'm too tired
Fuck you telebears! I can't sign up for the Math 1B lecture that I want because the waiting list is full. I HATE those words. I don't see why a waiting list should be full. Why can't you let me wait?! >:O It makes me more angry at myself for not deciding to do statistics earlier, because then I would have added it in my first phase, and I wouldn't be in this position. It makes me very annoyed to think that people added this in their second phase when I could have added it in my first phase, if that makes any sense.
So I signed up for another lecture that I do not want. I actually was leaning towards this lecture, until I was talking to someone this morning and her words were basically "DO NOT. TAKE MATH 1B WITH RATNER." So now I reallyyyyyyy want the lecture I didn't really want before. Only now I can't have it. *kicks wall*
The thing with telebears is I can't try signing up for the first lecture since I'm already technically enrolled in the other one that I don't want. I think I might drop the one I have, and just try to use telebears every day (although I now realize there is a limited number of times you can sign in) and try to sign up for the first lecture, if anyone drops it. However, this means I might lose a place in the lecture I currently have, which means I then have NO class to take. That would be a bitch. ARGH. I'm just very annoyed at myself right now for not signing up earlier. The more I think about it, the more I'm like "damn, the first lecture fits PERFECTLY in my schedule. PERFECTLY"
I was supposed to finish my essay today, and I think I totally could have but then Alvin came over and we watched Superbad. On a Wednesday night. AGH! What is happening to me. I'm not very motivated to do work anymore. I think semesters are too long. I also just remembered that I bought Tegan & Sara concert tickets a long time ago, and it's tomorrow. Instead of being excited, I'm like "AGH I want to go swimming! And I'm going to miss 30 rock" -_-
GIVE ME MATH1B ARGH
So I signed up for another lecture that I do not want. I actually was leaning towards this lecture, until I was talking to someone this morning and her words were basically "DO NOT. TAKE MATH 1B WITH RATNER." So now I reallyyyyyyy want the lecture I didn't really want before. Only now I can't have it. *kicks wall*
The thing with telebears is I can't try signing up for the first lecture since I'm already technically enrolled in the other one that I don't want. I think I might drop the one I have, and just try to use telebears every day (although I now realize there is a limited number of times you can sign in) and try to sign up for the first lecture, if anyone drops it. However, this means I might lose a place in the lecture I currently have, which means I then have NO class to take. That would be a bitch. ARGH. I'm just very annoyed at myself right now for not signing up earlier. The more I think about it, the more I'm like "damn, the first lecture fits PERFECTLY in my schedule. PERFECTLY"
I was supposed to finish my essay today, and I think I totally could have but then Alvin came over and we watched Superbad. On a Wednesday night. AGH! What is happening to me. I'm not very motivated to do work anymore. I think semesters are too long. I also just remembered that I bought Tegan & Sara concert tickets a long time ago, and it's tomorrow. Instead of being excited, I'm like "AGH I want to go swimming! And I'm going to miss 30 rock" -_-
GIVE ME MATH1B ARGH
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Figuring out what I want to do
My telebears phases have passed and out of the four classes I signed up for, I'm only enrolled in one. Two of them are upperdiv Haas core classes, so they put all the second years on the waitlist. The other is a film studies class that I thought sounded interesting, but I think it's on its way to being cancelled. Maybe this is good because there seems to be a curse where all the classes I take because they "sound interesting" turn out to be my most hated classes of the semester. Examples: Bible as Literature, Demography 110. Then there are the classes I take because they just fit my schedule, and they turn out to be pretty fun. Examples: Astronomy, Americans and Global Forest, Comparative Literature 41B. So my next option is to just find something that fits my schedule. Considering that my schedule consists of one class, there are a lot of things I can choose from.
I think I might actually try double majoring in statistics. Which is going to be HELL because majoring in statistics requires 12 classes. Three are prereqs, so by the time I start my junior year, I won't have even completed my prereqs yet, which is a depressing thought. I figure I should at least start now, and see what happens rather than waiting around to see if I decide to do it or not, and ending up not having enough time to take the classes.
I have no idea what people do with statistics majors though. I hope I'm not going to do a bunch of work just to end up not needing the major. Reasons I want to major in statistics:
1) I did really well in stats 21
2) I <3 my stats gsi. But let's not speak of that
3) I looked at career.berkeley.edu and almost everyone who majored in statistics ended up working as an accountant of some sort, so I figure it must help my intended career in some way
4) I hate labs so I can't major in something science-y
5) I never fall asleep in math lectures or discussions, which makes me think I subconsciously love math
6) If I don't double major in something, I feel like I'm not getting as much out of college education-wise
7) I've found that I tend to like people who are smart in math, which makes me think I'm more likely to make friends (wink) with a math major. This sounds like a stupid reason, but it makes sense
I now hate winter. The days are short and it's always dark. This makes me want to sit around in my room and eat things. This then makes me fat and unhappy. Fat, unhappy melly is not a fun person to be around. She rants about being fat all the time. Fat, unhappy melly needs to become fit, fabulous melly before winter break starts.
I think I might actually try double majoring in statistics. Which is going to be HELL because majoring in statistics requires 12 classes. Three are prereqs, so by the time I start my junior year, I won't have even completed my prereqs yet, which is a depressing thought. I figure I should at least start now, and see what happens rather than waiting around to see if I decide to do it or not, and ending up not having enough time to take the classes.
I have no idea what people do with statistics majors though. I hope I'm not going to do a bunch of work just to end up not needing the major. Reasons I want to major in statistics:
1) I did really well in stats 21
2) I <3 my stats gsi. But let's not speak of that
3) I looked at career.berkeley.edu and almost everyone who majored in statistics ended up working as an accountant of some sort, so I figure it must help my intended career in some way
4) I hate labs so I can't major in something science-y
5) I never fall asleep in math lectures or discussions, which makes me think I subconsciously love math
6) If I don't double major in something, I feel like I'm not getting as much out of college education-wise
7) I've found that I tend to like people who are smart in math, which makes me think I'm more likely to make friends (wink) with a math major. This sounds like a stupid reason, but it makes sense
I now hate winter. The days are short and it's always dark. This makes me want to sit around in my room and eat things. This then makes me fat and unhappy. Fat, unhappy melly is not a fun person to be around. She rants about being fat all the time. Fat, unhappy melly needs to become fit, fabulous melly before winter break starts.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Why today sucks ass
1) I got a 77 on my econ midterm
Ok, so this is actually the median score for my section, meaning I got a smack-in-the-middle B. But BOO. Now I have to really work to not get an A-. And I don't think I can get an A+ anymore. I've noticed that all the questions I got wrong for the first and second midterm still don't make sense to me, so I have to figure them out before the final. Also, the new material is kind of hard to understand, so shucks.
2) Did not gym; instead, napped
I'm super lazy now, even though I can tell I got fatter. It's just not the level of fat that makes me want to get up and gym. Damn you Thanksgiving break! Either I felt too good about my body or three days of non-gymming really throws me off track. I need someone to constantly put me down so I'm always motivated to gym. Too bad I would make said person cry. With my words.
3) Lack of clothes
I've put off doing laundry for a REALLY long time. Not only that, but the last time I did laundry, I decided not to wash all my jeans, thinking I would be doing laundry soon anyway. I'm not 100% certain what's clean and what's not in my closet, because sometimes I hang things back up if I think they can be reworn. I took some underwear home that got washed, so it put off my need to do laundry even longer. Now, I'm kind of running out of nice clothes to wear and the ones in my laundry basket are too nasty to consider digging out.
4) Nothing to do
I have projects to do and finals to study for, but they're not immediate so I'm kind of like hm... there's nothing to do ... and I don't even have shows to watch because nothing is new and I don't want to watch any reruns. So I really have NOTHING. Which is why I napped today. Also, Haas apps were due today so now I have this state of mind that's like "Well I don't have anything to do until March 12, ladeedah"
5) Lots I want to do
Then, I have a bunch of things I want to do (see: entry below) but they all require some amount of initiative that I just don't want to put in. Which then feeds into a cycle of "I hate my life. I want to do things. I'm too lazy to do things."
6) Freezing ass shower
I decided to take a shower at 3pm today. Someone was in the stall I usually use, which has a bathtub. So I used a real shower stall, and the water would not turn hot. Not only that, but the cold water was ICE cold. Eventually, it got a little warmer, but I know it was only "warmer" relative to the ice cold. I took the shower shivering and when I came out, instead of my usual "that felt warm and nice" I was like "DEAR GOD PUT CLOTHES ON IMMEDIATELY."
7) Friends (or lack of)
Ok, not lack of. I've actually been talking to more people on my floor lately. I even got invited to a birthday celebration, even though I called him by the wrong name. HEH. In my defense, he looks like a Brian and nothing like a Paulo. In his defense, Paulo is probably not limited to Mexicans. But lately, I've been sitting in my classes and looking around and thinking "darn, that person looks really interesting. Too bad I never talked to him/her." I was early to my demography class today and I talked to one of the grad students in my class and she was super nice. She's from Brazil. I wish I had taken advantage of my demography class because I love making friends with older people, and my demography class is actually 1/3 grad students. (Which was really terrifying to find out at the beginning of the school year, until you realized that the grad students had no idea what was going on in the class either). One week left. Who would like to be my friend?
I realized that most of these are actually not limited to today, but every day. Oh well.
I think I'm going to eat ice cream at night. Then I will forget about my econ midterm.
Ok, so this is actually the median score for my section, meaning I got a smack-in-the-middle B. But BOO. Now I have to really work to not get an A-. And I don't think I can get an A+ anymore. I've noticed that all the questions I got wrong for the first and second midterm still don't make sense to me, so I have to figure them out before the final. Also, the new material is kind of hard to understand, so shucks.
2) Did not gym; instead, napped
I'm super lazy now, even though I can tell I got fatter. It's just not the level of fat that makes me want to get up and gym. Damn you Thanksgiving break! Either I felt too good about my body or three days of non-gymming really throws me off track. I need someone to constantly put me down so I'm always motivated to gym. Too bad I would make said person cry. With my words.
3) Lack of clothes
I've put off doing laundry for a REALLY long time. Not only that, but the last time I did laundry, I decided not to wash all my jeans, thinking I would be doing laundry soon anyway. I'm not 100% certain what's clean and what's not in my closet, because sometimes I hang things back up if I think they can be reworn. I took some underwear home that got washed, so it put off my need to do laundry even longer. Now, I'm kind of running out of nice clothes to wear and the ones in my laundry basket are too nasty to consider digging out.
4) Nothing to do
I have projects to do and finals to study for, but they're not immediate so I'm kind of like hm... there's nothing to do ... and I don't even have shows to watch because nothing is new and I don't want to watch any reruns. So I really have NOTHING. Which is why I napped today. Also, Haas apps were due today so now I have this state of mind that's like "Well I don't have anything to do until March 12, ladeedah"
5) Lots I want to do
Then, I have a bunch of things I want to do (see: entry below) but they all require some amount of initiative that I just don't want to put in. Which then feeds into a cycle of "I hate my life. I want to do things. I'm too lazy to do things."
6) Freezing ass shower
I decided to take a shower at 3pm today. Someone was in the stall I usually use, which has a bathtub. So I used a real shower stall, and the water would not turn hot. Not only that, but the cold water was ICE cold. Eventually, it got a little warmer, but I know it was only "warmer" relative to the ice cold. I took the shower shivering and when I came out, instead of my usual "that felt warm and nice" I was like "DEAR GOD PUT CLOTHES ON IMMEDIATELY."
7) Friends (or lack of)
Ok, not lack of. I've actually been talking to more people on my floor lately. I even got invited to a birthday celebration, even though I called him by the wrong name. HEH. In my defense, he looks like a Brian and nothing like a Paulo. In his defense, Paulo is probably not limited to Mexicans. But lately, I've been sitting in my classes and looking around and thinking "darn, that person looks really interesting. Too bad I never talked to him/her." I was early to my demography class today and I talked to one of the grad students in my class and she was super nice. She's from Brazil. I wish I had taken advantage of my demography class because I love making friends with older people, and my demography class is actually 1/3 grad students. (Which was really terrifying to find out at the beginning of the school year, until you realized that the grad students had no idea what was going on in the class either). One week left. Who would like to be my friend?
I realized that most of these are actually not limited to today, but every day. Oh well.
I think I'm going to eat ice cream at night. Then I will forget about my econ midterm.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thanksgiving has begun
I'm home! And I'm in that annoying phase where I've arrived but no one is here so I can't do anything and I keep thinking to myself ... why did I come back? But I know I'll be super happy by the end of the weekend so I'll just take this moment to blog.
Driving home during Thanksgiving ... not fun. And I wasn't even driving. When we got out of Berkeley, we ran into some crap traffic at the beginning and it lasted for about two hours. I didn't bring a book, which I wish I did. I also just kept staring out the window, thinking about nothing when I really should have been thinking about how to get started on my Haas essay. Why do I want to do business? Hmm...
Economics midterm was NOT good. I don't think I could have studied any more but when I got the test, for some reason I panicked like crazy and I couldn't concentrate on the questions. Also, the worst thing ever happened - MY PENCIL BROKE. The lead wouldn't come out even though it clicked so I had to screw on the cap, click, unscrew the cap, push down the brass thing holding the lead, push the lead down so only a little was protruding so it wouldn't snap, write, and then repeat the process about ten times. NOT a good testing environment. When I got back to the dorm, I put my pencil down on my table with the thought "I am going to take you to the beach and watch you melt in a bonfire" before getting ready to leave.
This is a really shitty entry. I'm starting to feel EXTREMELY restless from just sitting all day. I would go running but it's pretty late. I have a lot of pent-up energy in me ... I kind of want to punch a wall. Or do jumping jacks. I think I just have to stop sitting at the computer.
I also feel fat because I ate a damn Marie Callendar's Chicken Pot Pie. UGH it was beyond disgusting. I've stopped eating frozen foods, and I could really taste the plastic or preservatives or general frozen foods taste in it. It also burned my tongue, little fucker. It wasn't even completely warm. Fucking microwave oven. I wish I had stopped eating it. It was really not worth it. But it's harder to throw away food at home than it is at school.
Reasons why Berkeley > Home:
1) My mother is not constantly asking "do you want to eat anything? do you want to eat anything?" OMFG I DON'T EAT, OK. If you're going to react happily to my supposed weight loss maybe you should help me out by not trying to cram food down my throat.
2) Cable tv at school. I would be watching The Girls Next Door right now. Sigh
3) I don't remember the exact spellings of the blogs that I read, so now I have nothing to do. No lives to read about. Only my own to write about.
4) The itunes I have on this computer is about 8% of the itunes I have at school. I really want to upload a bunch of songs onto my ipod that I suddenly want to listen to, but they're not HERE. Although, I actually do like listening to this iTunes sometimes, because an old song that I used to love will come on and I'll be like "WHOA! I didn't know this was here!"
5) It's really cold in my room here and I don't have enough blankets. Just about every time I sleep in my bed, I wake up curled up in a little ball, shivering
6) No swimming pool. No elliptical. No boat machine. No treadmill. FOR FOUR DAYS. omg I'm going to go insane.
7) Really annoying version of aim on this computer. I like the old versions, where it was very simple.
8) I'm going to get fat this weekend. I already feel fatter. Which is partly why I would like to punch a wall right now.
I need to do something. Maybe pee.
Me: Do you think I got thinner?
Mom: I DO! I was going to tell you when I first saw you, but I thought it would be awkward to say it in front of your friends
Me: You should have just said it. They would have probably laughed
...
Me: Do you think my skin got better?
Mom: Yes! It is better! And I think you got paler. This time you came back prettier
Thanks mom. I think.
Driving home during Thanksgiving ... not fun. And I wasn't even driving. When we got out of Berkeley, we ran into some crap traffic at the beginning and it lasted for about two hours. I didn't bring a book, which I wish I did. I also just kept staring out the window, thinking about nothing when I really should have been thinking about how to get started on my Haas essay. Why do I want to do business? Hmm...
Economics midterm was NOT good. I don't think I could have studied any more but when I got the test, for some reason I panicked like crazy and I couldn't concentrate on the questions. Also, the worst thing ever happened - MY PENCIL BROKE. The lead wouldn't come out even though it clicked so I had to screw on the cap, click, unscrew the cap, push down the brass thing holding the lead, push the lead down so only a little was protruding so it wouldn't snap, write, and then repeat the process about ten times. NOT a good testing environment. When I got back to the dorm, I put my pencil down on my table with the thought "I am going to take you to the beach and watch you melt in a bonfire" before getting ready to leave.
This is a really shitty entry. I'm starting to feel EXTREMELY restless from just sitting all day. I would go running but it's pretty late. I have a lot of pent-up energy in me ... I kind of want to punch a wall. Or do jumping jacks. I think I just have to stop sitting at the computer.
I also feel fat because I ate a damn Marie Callendar's Chicken Pot Pie. UGH it was beyond disgusting. I've stopped eating frozen foods, and I could really taste the plastic or preservatives or general frozen foods taste in it. It also burned my tongue, little fucker. It wasn't even completely warm. Fucking microwave oven. I wish I had stopped eating it. It was really not worth it. But it's harder to throw away food at home than it is at school.
Reasons why Berkeley > Home:
1) My mother is not constantly asking "do you want to eat anything? do you want to eat anything?" OMFG I DON'T EAT, OK. If you're going to react happily to my supposed weight loss maybe you should help me out by not trying to cram food down my throat.
2) Cable tv at school. I would be watching The Girls Next Door right now. Sigh
3) I don't remember the exact spellings of the blogs that I read, so now I have nothing to do. No lives to read about. Only my own to write about.
4) The itunes I have on this computer is about 8% of the itunes I have at school. I really want to upload a bunch of songs onto my ipod that I suddenly want to listen to, but they're not HERE. Although, I actually do like listening to this iTunes sometimes, because an old song that I used to love will come on and I'll be like "WHOA! I didn't know this was here!"
5) It's really cold in my room here and I don't have enough blankets. Just about every time I sleep in my bed, I wake up curled up in a little ball, shivering
6) No swimming pool. No elliptical. No boat machine. No treadmill. FOR FOUR DAYS. omg I'm going to go insane.
7) Really annoying version of aim on this computer. I like the old versions, where it was very simple.
8) I'm going to get fat this weekend. I already feel fatter. Which is partly why I would like to punch a wall right now.
I need to do something. Maybe pee.
Me: Do you think I got thinner?
Mom: I DO! I was going to tell you when I first saw you, but I thought it would be awkward to say it in front of your friends
Me: You should have just said it. They would have probably laughed
...
Me: Do you think my skin got better?
Mom: Yes! It is better! And I think you got paler. This time you came back prettier
Thanks mom. I think.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Economics Progress
ARGH I can't take any more economics. I can tell I've burnt out since Saturday. When I thought it would be a great idea to reread about four weeks worth of reading in three hours. I'm trying to do practice midterms right now, but when I check over my answers, I only pay attention to the ones I got righht, and for the ones I got wrong, I just go "Whatever! This won't be on Wednesday's test." Half of the tests, I did pretty well on. The other two, I would have probably gotten a C in the class.
Must ... concentrate. And not think about how I haven't made any progress on my computer science project or Haas application in the past two days. Also, I didn't even effing swim today because I thought I had a very tight schedule when it turned out that I totally could have swam. And if I had gone swimming, I probably wouldn't feel like I wasted the last five hours of my life. *kicks wall*
Must ... concentrate. And not think about how I haven't made any progress on my computer science project or Haas application in the past two days. Also, I didn't even effing swim today because I thought I had a very tight schedule when it turned out that I totally could have swam. And if I had gone swimming, I probably wouldn't feel like I wasted the last five hours of my life. *kicks wall*
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Crossroads Breakfasts
As I sit alone in the dining hall during breakfast, I wonder how I look to the people who pass by me or who happen to glance at me in between bites. Today, I brought a book to read with me, so I probably look like the bookish type. I probably seem so immersed in my book, that I've drowned out all the sounds of the dining hall and I'm in my own little world. The book I'm reading is so captivating, maybe it's life-changing. Every few sentences or so, I pop a grape in my mouth, not really thinking about it, as it's more of a mechanical action.
In actuality, the entire time that I'm reading, I'm running through every food they offer in the dining hall and wondering whether I should eat more or not. Donut? They looked appealing when I walked in but now I know that I really don't want them. More grapefruit? Maybe, even though they're not really worth all the cutting and juice squirting onto my glasses and clothes. Bagel? I find it too awkward to rip apart a bagel and only eat half, leaving the other in the bagel bin, so I'd rather just not eat a bagel to avoid the situation. English muffin? Eh, not really. I really want to eat something else, but I don't really want anything here. So I'll just keep reading and maybe I'll get hungry enough again that I'll know what I want.
I keep popping grapes into my mouth, even though I'm convinced they taste kind of ... strange. They should - I don't imagine that a cafeteria washes grapes particularly well. Even more disconcerting is that by the time I've reached the end of my bowl, there's a small puddle of REALLY dirty water, where all the dirt has accumulated. It makes me wonder how much dirt and pesticide I have just consumed. Every grape I eat is accompanied by the thought of "why am I still eating these? I don't know, but I can't stop."
On another note, I went to Rasputin today to look for CDs. Right as I remembered what CD I wanted to look for, I found it! The Perishers - Victorious, used, only $5.95! I'm happy now. Although, I just realized that I didn't get a student discount. The Asian me is going ARGH WTF cashier lady, isn't it kind of obvious I'm a student? but the lazy in me is going whatever, it's like ... $1. The CD is pretty good, so far. It's perfect for today's weather - overcast and scattered drizzles throughout the afternoon.
If I didn't have a project meeting, I'd be at Doe Library, researching for my demography project. As it is, I'm sitting here writing in my blog for no particular reason. Yesterday night, I managed to accomplish a lot of work, so now, I'm just left with three projects and an application. Two projects, I should finish today. One project, I can finish Sunday. Application, I just have to start it. I think this weekend is going to turn out well.
In actuality, the entire time that I'm reading, I'm running through every food they offer in the dining hall and wondering whether I should eat more or not. Donut? They looked appealing when I walked in but now I know that I really don't want them. More grapefruit? Maybe, even though they're not really worth all the cutting and juice squirting onto my glasses and clothes. Bagel? I find it too awkward to rip apart a bagel and only eat half, leaving the other in the bagel bin, so I'd rather just not eat a bagel to avoid the situation. English muffin? Eh, not really. I really want to eat something else, but I don't really want anything here. So I'll just keep reading and maybe I'll get hungry enough again that I'll know what I want.
I keep popping grapes into my mouth, even though I'm convinced they taste kind of ... strange. They should - I don't imagine that a cafeteria washes grapes particularly well. Even more disconcerting is that by the time I've reached the end of my bowl, there's a small puddle of REALLY dirty water, where all the dirt has accumulated. It makes me wonder how much dirt and pesticide I have just consumed. Every grape I eat is accompanied by the thought of "why am I still eating these? I don't know, but I can't stop."
On another note, I went to Rasputin today to look for CDs. Right as I remembered what CD I wanted to look for, I found it! The Perishers - Victorious, used, only $5.95! I'm happy now. Although, I just realized that I didn't get a student discount. The Asian me is going ARGH WTF cashier lady, isn't it kind of obvious I'm a student? but the lazy in me is going whatever, it's like ... $1. The CD is pretty good, so far. It's perfect for today's weather - overcast and scattered drizzles throughout the afternoon.
If I didn't have a project meeting, I'd be at Doe Library, researching for my demography project. As it is, I'm sitting here writing in my blog for no particular reason. Yesterday night, I managed to accomplish a lot of work, so now, I'm just left with three projects and an application. Two projects, I should finish today. One project, I can finish Sunday. Application, I just have to start it. I think this weekend is going to turn out well.
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