I'm freaking tired

I'm sitting in my sweaty, smelly gym clothes right now eating Panda Puffs from Trader Joe's. It's 12:30, and a week ago I would have been like "OMG I have to go to bed NOW!" but now I'm like "ok ... I guess it's time to start homework!" Panda Puffs, by the way, came very highly recommended to me but I don't think they're that great. But I've only had them dry - maybe they turn magically delicious when put in milk. Ok, I just dropped one on the ground, picked it up, found two other ones I dropped earlier today, and ate those too.

Anyway, I'm super busy everyday ... like busier than I've ever been really. And this is going to continue until April 12th, except for one glorious week of spring break. And I guess for another week after spring break, I have as of yet, nothing planned but I know I will end up having to do a lot. So in my life I have:

1) RCSA volunteering: high school seniors are coming to check out Berkeley and I signed up to volunteer to answer questions. I love this because you get to talk to strangers and you're in the position of power. LOVE! I get to do this next weekend in socal, and I hear it's incredibly tiring. It's straight talking from 8-4 ... like absolutely no break. Then you go out and blow off $64 for dinner. I guess $64 is not that much, including tip and tax. What am I saying ... I usually try to spend $10 a meal. I hear we're going to a delicious sushi place - so I'm debating whether to get a shitload of special rolls, or one of those combos that no one ever gets because they're so expensive. Hmm...

2) Work: I've actually skipped a lot of hours because of volunteering. Sigh. I want to make more money. I've planned out my paycheck. Tuesday = new pair of jeans. Thursday = new pair of heels. Friday = new purse. Next Tuesday = bikini. Next Thursday = Boots. Next Friday = more tshirts. THEN I'll begin saving.

3) School: I officially don't understand economics anymore and I refuse to go to lecture. I don't think I could do any better on homework even if I went to lecture. That professor really pisses me off. Terrible lecturer!

4) Gymming: Agh! I've been so busy these past few days that I didn't even go to the gym yesterday. I went running just now, which is why I'm all dirty. Maybe I should have showered first. Well, I really want to lose all my stomach fat by the beginning of spring break. Let's see how that goes. Yesterday, I magically had the stomach I've been working for, but then today it just got progressively worse. *cries* It'll never be good enough

5) Edu96: Is the class where I teach 2nd graders science. I know ... ME? CHILDREN?! I am quite terrifed too. Today was the first day we went to teach. I had to wake up at 7:30 ... which is actually not at all earlier than I normally wake up. But somehow, knowing I HAD to wake up at 7:30 made me very anxious so I ended up waking up at 6:15. The day before, I had to wake up at 7:15 and I ended up waking up at 5:40. Very weird biological clock. This is after sleeping at 1:30 both days.

So first impressions, I thought the teacher was incredibly mean. She's very controlling and likes things done her way. Usually we're supposed to have control of the class and the teacher just lets you do whatever you want. But she kept interrupting and leading the class. She's also very mean to the students in my opinion, and I think she says some pretty hurtful things. I excused a lot of kids to recess but some of them just left, since we were running a little late. I didn't really care, but when she went out, she came back with one kid, and was yelling at him for leaving without being checked off. I was like ... whoa. So Angelica and I walked out of there like W..T..F.

But later I talked to other people in the class and they were like "I know exactly how she comes off but she really cares about the students." I guess she was the one who actually started this entire fun in science program, where Berkeley students come to teach kids and do science experiments with them. And after hearing other students' stories about crazy teachers, and then the leader of our class explaining why they're like that ... it's very interesting. I mean, I know teachers have lives outside of school, but you still think teachers all sort of fit a particular mold. Like they HAVE to be nice and extremely patient or else they're bad teachers. But there are a lot of different ways to treat kids, and they can still be effective. I can tell that the students I teach learn a LOT and a large part of that is because the teacher is so controlling and demanding of her students.

And the kids... omg there are some really cute ones. As a teacher, I love the really shy kids. SOO cute. But there are a few that annoyed me within the first hour I worked with them. The interesting thing is that ... they totally fit the stereotype. And when I told Angelica this, she knew who I was talking about and while she somewhat agreed with me, she reminded me how last semester, she noticed that adults see small characteristics appear in kids, and they immediately label them. Like, one of the kids I'm talking about, to be very non-pc, was a kind of chubby black kid. He was pretty rude sometimes and I could easily see him in a few years being those loud, talky guys you hear on the street and assume he's up to no good. But if he does become that, maybe it was partly because adults steered him in that direction. I guess you have to remember that these kids are still growing and become nothing like what they are now.

Panda Puffs are so sugary. I should go shower.

You have no idea how nice it is to have a functioning keyboard. Thank your computer now.

The worst thing ever has happened

How fucking typical. A few days ago I was talking to Chrystal and I was like "I think my most prized possession is my TMV ring. Or ... actually maybe my music." If I lost my ring, I would be super sad for a very long time. If I lost my music, I would first be insanely angry, like wanting to drop my laptop from Campanile angry, and then sad, and then super super depressed the first time I download a new song. And I was like "I bet something is going to happen to my music."

ANDDDDDD yesterday night I fell from my bed. And I sleep on the top of a bunk bed. I oddly got up with only a small bruise on my arm from hitting the table. I sprayed it with bactine, which Danny gave me after he found out I had gotten an ear piercing. It stung a lot, whichh makes me wonder why he used it for his ear piercing. I don't think that's that it's used for. Good thing I never used it for my ear.

Anyway, some time during my fall, I knocked over a cup of water ... all over my laptop. I didn't notice until a minute later and all I did was kind of shake it and wipe off the keyboard with a paper towel. I went back to bed because it was 5:45 in the morning and I wanted to just go back to sleep and pretend none of this had ever happened.

Now of course, my computer will not turn on. I'm using my floormate's computer - I woke them up but I think they don't mind considering my story was pretty hilarious to hear. I am insanely sad right now because if I lose my music, I think I'm going to cry. Seriously cry. Also more ironic (I've heard so many 'that's not the right use of ironic' that now I'm not at all sure what it means and I know this is the wrong use but I don't care, I will be the average American and misuse phrases left and right) it's taken me a month to force my floormates to watch Memento and FINALLY we were about to ON SUNDAY. NOW the movie is unaccessible from my computer, none of us have a copy, and they are too scared to use DC++. ARGHHHHHHH

I was extremely unstressed but now I suddenly have everything piled up at once
1) Gym immediately after this, even though all I want to do is stare at my laptop and hope it magically turns on
2) Do laundry
3) RCSA club event at 2:00
4) Homework? I can't even think about what I have to do. Econ reading, econ homework, Physics and Music hw. Thankfully I don't have a giant paper due
5) Look for apartments

I'm going to gym now ... and be very sad. On top of this sadness, I ate a chili bread bowl last night even though my brain was clearly telling me "DO NOT EAT THAT. YOU CAN JUST SLEEP AND THIS HUNGER WON'T EVEN BOTHER YOU ANYMORE. DO NOT EAT THAT!" But I did. And now I am fatter than I wish

FROM NOW ON I WILL NEVER:
1) Leave my computer top open
2) Leave open cups of water near my computer ... I've actually spilled several
3) Eat at late night
4) Sleep so close to the edge of my bed

Going to cry. Goodbye

Tegan and Sara Concert

Eek! I just (actually an hour ago, since I started writing this) returned from the Tegan and Sara concert that I bought tickets for late August. It was freaking good. They are a really aweome band live. I am half happy and half sad, because it was really fun to actually see your favorite band live, but it is really lonely to go to a concert alone. I don't know why my stats gsi loved doing it so much. Concerts are such a date thing, I think. I'd want to go to a concert for a date. Not really for a first date, although that wouldn't be too bad, but a date when you already know the person fairly well.

Things I've learned:
1) The "no cameras or recorders" line on the ticket is a LIE. I didn't bring my camera to take pictures, and while I will probably regret it later in the future, I don't mind now because I don't think I would have whipped out my camera to take pictures
2) I need to take my eyedrops. Everywhere. Apparently my desiccated eyes can't even last an hour without the comfort of rewetting drops
3) Zellerbach is a terrible venue for a concert. It's great for instrumental performances or opera, but concerts with assigned seating are NO FUN. I was only six rows away from the stage though, so I'm glad I bought my ticket so early
4) When a band says "this is our last song" apparently it isn't. This was a happy discovery.

I'm super tired but I haven't decided whether I want to shower or not, so I've ended up just sitting at my computer for the past two hours. I think part of me is waiting for 30 rock and Grey's to come online, so I can watch them. Another part is just too lazy to shower. Another part is optimistically hoping that I will finish my essay, which I had planned to finish Tuesday.

Sitting behind me was a middle-aged looking guy and a girl who looked around my age. I kind of think the daughter is in high school and asked her dad to take her to the concert. I wish I had talked to them in the beginning, when I was just sitting there since I got there early, so I could have seen if I was right. Because if I'm right, I think that's so cute! I certainly would never have asked my parents to take me to a concert, no matter who was playing. But to think someone would 1) love a band that much to 2) ask their dad/mom to come and 3) not look unhappy about it sounds like a really cool parent-child relationship that you'd only see on tv. Or maybe that's just my skewed perspective of family talking.

I want to listen to all Tegan and Sara songs for the rest of the night, but they sound so different from the live versions, it's not satisfying. I always thought concerts were not fun because I assumed live versions would be worse than the album version. But amazingly, I think I liked their live versions even more. And I REALLY love their recorded versions. So, wow.

Lessons of the Day

Pints of ice cream do not equal meals.

Dreyer's Nestle Toll House Cookie Swirl ice cream is actually not very good. Instead, just buy another flavor and mash cookies into it.

Wear more layers.

I wrote more but it's really boring material.

I wish my teeth were not important to me

Otherwise, I would be barfing up the sandwich I just ate. Oh my god, I feel really insanely full right now. I forgot that my current diet was supposed to be my "flavorless" diet where I don't eat anything delicious for a long enough time that tasteless foods because flavorful, not my normal diet where I just eat less. Before economics, I wanted a sandwich but I ate a granola bar. After economics, I didn't really want a sandwich anymore but when I stopped in the restaurant, the girl behind the register saw me and smiled and I was like "oh crap now she assumes that I'm going to buy something and I'll feel weird if I just walk away." So I ordered a Garlic Chicken Sandwich. Thinking about it now, I should have just ordered a drink.

I could have eaten half but at the half point I was like "eh I could probably finish it off." And I did. And now I feel like crap.

What have I learned today?
- Don't give into cravings
- Stick to my scheduled meals (breakfast I: parfait, breakfast II: cereal, lunch: salad/smoothie/sandwich, dinner: fruit)
- Moderate self with food; eat until no longer hungry, not eat until full

I think I always try to justify eating something that I know I'll regret with "I should just eat what I like because it's sad when you eat the exact same food at the exact same time for the rest of your life." I should counter this with "It's not sad if you're thin." I need to write this down on a flashcard.